SRS what am I supposed to do

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sublime335, Mar 25, 2005.

  1. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    So I had another thread on here about how my girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me, but now it is really complicated. She calls me up and tells me that she can't breath without me. She does nothing but think about me all day and wants to be with me really badly, but then says that she can't. She keeps giving me some crap about how she wants to be single but she also wants to be with me. I told her that I can't just sit around and wait for her because I hurt just as badly. I had just finally started to stop feeling suicidal about how she suddenly left me, and now she has pulled me right back in. What am I supposed to do? If there is a chance of me being with her again I want to, but that could mean waiting a very long time and feeling shitty for just as long. I wanted to marry this girl. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but now she is dragging me along feeling like shit. Do I just try to get over her or what?
     
  2. JumboJym69

    JumboJym69 New Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2004
    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kennesaw, Ga
    It sounds like this girl is playing games with you man. If she wants to be with you, she should be with you. She has some other motives for not being only with you. I'm sure you told her how you feel about this, and since she knows SHE is the reason you feel this way and that she can make it stop and she chooses not to, then she doesn't feel the same way about you. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve to have the best, you can't go through life letting other people dictate how you feel about yourself, that is bull shit. The only thing you can do is to do the things that make YOU happy right now man. I know what you are feeling, you think that you are never going to feel the same way you did about her with someone else. Guess what man, you're right. It will never be the same with anyone, even her. Even if you could be with her this very second, you would not feel the same about her anymore because she is hurting you so bad. I know it is hard man but you have to try and move on, but don't forget all the amazing emotions you shared with her and use what you know now ot build another fulfilling relationship with someone else when you find them.
     
  3. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2001
    Messages:
    25,275
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    La Crescenta, CA
    break off all contact with this girl, immediately.

    go out and live yourlife. don't worry about women for a while, they'll always be there once you've got your head screwed back on. concentrate on bettering your situation.. being suicidal over a girl means you've got some growing up to do my friend :hs:

    i get the feeling you want to get back with her moreso because you're affraid of being alone, not so much because of the way you feel towards her. am i wrong? be honest :o
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Pulls up RED FLAG

    This girls has brought you on the brink of suicide, and if it isn't enough she would love to bring you on the brink of suicide again. Therefore i conclude she is no good for you, and don't believe her damn lies. She is totally bad for your health, your self esteem, and supresses your ability to move on with your life.
     
  5. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    i'm not sure if suicidal was the best word for me to use. I would never commit suicide, but it was scary how shitty I felt.
     
  6. Then, you weren't feeling suicidal, just very depressed? I suggest that you try to forget about her, just move on and get another girlfriend. Avoid seeing this girl that seems to be messing with your head on purpose.
     
  7. Immature love says I love you because I need you [can't breath without you?] - while mature love says I need you because I love you.
     
  8. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    so I think she became a member of offtopic just to see if I was gonna post stuff in here. This is extremely shitty if true. That means I really have no where to turn for advice. This sucks.
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Nonsense, you can create a new user, or preferably use the ANONYMOUS feature. Or PM your shit to a mod, like Dave Steel, who will post it on your behalf.

    There's lots of options, don't use this as an excuse to shut down.
    There's help out there for you. Reach out for it. Take it. Its yours.
     
  10. Thanks. I didn't want to write this out next. :bigthumb:
     
  11. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    yea.... that was pretty stupid of me. I didn't even think about it. thanks.
     
  12. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    so... I still keep talking to her like the fool that I am. Somedays we are just friends and then other days it seems that we are more than friends. In fact, the last two night I have spent the night with her. We didnt have sex, but when I went to sleep while she was doing homework, I woke up with her kissing me goodnight. I don't think she meant to wake me up but maybe she did. I know I shouldent talk to her anymore or pay attention to her, but I can't help it. We are going to the beach tommorrow and then I guess I'm going to try again to forget about her... Goodnews though, I have become a lot less depressed. I don't know if its because I am letting myself feel like we are together since we still kind of act like it or if it is because I am just learning to cope with it better. Anyways, I didn't really expect a response to this, just kind of wanted to type it out, but if you have one feel free.
     
  13. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    :werd:

    this girl's bad news and selfish. tell her to never contact you again
     
  14. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    i think the line 'she wants to be single, but she also wants to be with me' says it all...

    what she wants is to be free from any commitments and attachments, but still get everything she got by being with you.
     
  15. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    I know... I'm such a douche bag. why do I let her do this to me?
     
  16. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    cuz you still have a weakness for her... she's inside your defenses

    its not gonna be easy, but for your own health, you need to cut her out of your life
     
  17. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    It's going to be hard for you to be strong, but I'm sure you have it in you somewhere deep inside. Girls know exactly what they want. The only thing that confuses them is that they want *everything*. What I mean is she probably wants you as a boyfriend on her own terms--only when she wants it, and she wants to be single the rest of the time. It's natural for her to want to explore the world, but if she were really into you, it wouldn't take any effort on your part to make her yours. Here are some scenarios for you.

    1. You keep hoping for her to come around while she drags you along. She would do this if she doesn't want to lose you yet does not really want to date you.

    2. She dates you, but there's always doubts in the back of her mind, making her unhappy no matter what you do.

    3. You be strong. Ignore her pleas and advances. Basically you play her. This will give you an opportunity to see what it's like for her, sort of a role reversal.

    Maybe one day you will find someone that actually likes you and doesn't need to play games.
     
  18. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    3,010
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    .
     
  19. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Or if she's not actually trying to string you along, maybe she's reached a point in her life where she realizes she cares about you more than she thought (or the gravity of it just hit her) and she feels the need to make sure she's making the best choice. Not the most effective manner, but hey at least she's communicating. Unfortunately this process will put you and your emotions through the wringer.

    Regardless of which it is, she needs space. You can choose to wait for her or not. I'd recommend spending lots of time with your friends and family - they're the ones that'll be around as girls come and go for you.
     
  20. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    sorry, just a little confused. what exactly is she bing dishonest about?
     
  21. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    I really hope so...
     
  22. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    ok, so yesterday was her birthday. I go to her party at my friends house and of course she is extremely wasted. Later that night she walks home and my roomate walks with her. She never eventold me she was leaving or said bye or anything. Then she made out with my room mate. It was so funny, because he walked into the room this morning after breakfest and looked at me for like 2 seconds and I immediately knew what had happened. I didnt say anything to him and he didnt tell me anything, I just saw it in his eyes. I asked her about it later and she said that "yes, I did." Now I hate both of them. I thought my roomate was my best friend and now i hate him. I still havent said anything to him and i dont think i can talk to him anymore.

    Damn she is such a bitch. Now I have a broken pinky because i punched a wall so hard. its really big and purple and hurts like hell. I typed this whole thing with only my left hand. Everyone around me fucking sucks.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    The collective wisdom of OT is rarely wrong.

    This is not due so much to the fact that we're smart (debatable) but speaks more to the fact that people generally act in fairly predictable ways. They don't act randomly or irrationally. Once you gain some understanding of people and their real motivations, that is.

    On the surface they might appear to be acting 'odd' but the more you get to understand people, the more transparent they become. This becomes especially useful when someone's actively trying to hide something or misrepresent.

    So the reason for my bringing this up is that a couple of people warned you this might happen. I can fully understand you wanting to see it through just in case it didn't (nobody's perfect, OT included)

    Now that its happened, I am suggesting you review some of the followup advice that was posted for some info on next steps.

    Basically the stronger you can be, the better. You don't need her. Even though you think you do (at this moment), actually...you don't. You're much stronger than you think.

    Go get your hand checked out if you haven't already done so. Don't do any more damage to yourself. It won't help you, and she really couldn't care less.
     
  24. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2000
    Messages:
    11,036
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    42.520686, -83.305014
    if you really really really love her. let her go. if she really really loves you, she'll figure it out and come back, and do anything to make it work (if it's not too late)

    in the mean time, she should respect your wishes to get the fuck out of your life. (and that's what you really need)

    most (not all, I've met some real hurtful bitches) don't like to be the one viewed as the "bad girl" - or the one that hurts someone, so they try to rationalize their behavior, try to say that you'll remain friends, etc. others, actually do enjoy the torment, and pain they inflict on guys - it's these that deserver to be dry fuck, gang-raped in the ass imho.

    delete all of her contact information from whereever you have it. if you actually have to make the effort to go look it up to contact her, it can give you that extra moment to regain your composure and stop yourself form doing so.

    bonus, if you're like me, and don't bother remembering phone numbers, instead dialing directly from the cell phone, you won't even be able to call her, which can also save you from embarrassing voicemails that you might be tempted to leave, either hateful, angry ones, or snivelling/grovelling ones.

    if you guys IM each other, set mode to invisible, or even better just ignore/block her and set your account up so you can't receive IMs from people who are not on your contact list. Then remove her from your contact/buddy list, so you won't even see her if she logs in.

    at least for now, scorched earth policy is best. She's made it clear that she's fishing for what's in her best interests at the expense of yours. Look out for yourself, and invest in a punching bag (not a speed bag, but rather one of those heavy motherfuckers) - it'll help with the anger expulsion, and also give you one hell of a workout. :hs:

    as for those who might be reading this, and scratching your heads at the angry text, it was a wonderful, productive weekend, that I allowed to get ruined by my reaction to a voicemail on my phone this morning... it's still fresh, and I'm not normally this pissy...
     
  25. sublime335

    sublime335 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Gainesville, FL
    thanks man. well said. Thanks to everyone else also. It is funny how once you love some one this much, its really hard to stop. I should hate her guts for what she has done to me, but I don't. Anyways, we talked last night for about 4 hours until 5AM. The conversation was ended by me saying, "goodbye, I'm gonna go get over you now." She then asked me to walk her back to her dorm and I said, "that is no longer my responsibility, I'm not supposed to care about you any more." It actually felt pretty good, but made me pretty angry as well. This is when I hit the wall (on my way out) I was just happy to be the one being shitty for a change. :)
     

Share This Page