SRS What about dating a pregnant girl (not my baby)?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Socrates, Dec 20, 2005.

  1. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    This girl has been my best friend for about 5 years now, but we have never really dated. Talked about it, but never did it.

    I just got back from California from training with the Marines, and we have been kind of liking each other more and more since I got back a month ago. Then... a week ago...she discovers she is pregnant, and the baby's father is one of my friends. They were drunk, and she doesn't like him, and he'll be a deadbeat dad.

    I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of being with a girl with a baby (although her baby is due in like September, and I leave for Iraq for 10 months in June....so I won't be home until her baby is like 6 months old anyways.)

    The main problem is that I want children, and I would feel really uncomfortable dealing with another man's child. Especially knowing he is a piece of shit and won't ever have the money to pay for shit.

    Should I just say forget it and move on, or what?
     
  2. Teh_Sponge

    Teh_Sponge Hey, I got a sub now...

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    I'd say forget it and move on. I mean, you said it yourself, you want your own child...not another man's. You don't want to be raising a kid who isn't yours...knowing that he'll always want to know who his real dad is, etc.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    move on

    her and this guy have lots of unfinished business. Which will continue while you're overseas.
    And rightfully so, because he is the FATHER of that child. So he has rights.

    Just like you or any other guy would have rights if the situation were reversed.
    Rights which are undeniable, regardless of what her new boyfriend thought about you.

    Save yourself bags and bags of heartache. Move on.
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Plus... who's to say you'll be home in 10 months? Don't they keep jacking people up by making them stay longer?
     
  5. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Find out what her plans are for the child first. Is she going to keep it? Abort it? Place it for adoption? Drown it in a river? ;)

    The answer (and reasoning) will tell you much about her that you probably do not yet know, if you look close enough. This will tell you enough to know if she's even the right one for you.

    If she is, then it all depends on what her answer is, and whether or not that will work for you.
     
  6. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    being a father doesnt really have alot to do with creating the life of a child. it sounds like the "father" was just a sperm donor. if he is going to have nothing to do with the child, and you will be the man in the child's life, that to me would make you the father.
     
  7. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I actually agree with this. You don't know her intentions with the pregnancy.
    Now I don't know how serious your relationship is (honestly it doesn't sound like it would be very serious- it sounds like you're just 'filling up time' until you leave for Iraq) but having a child will obviously change things.
    It *IS*OKAY* for you to not want to be apart of this ;)
     
  8. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I agree with this also, BUT it does not sound like the poster wants to take on another man's child. It sounds as if biology DOES matter to him.
     
  9. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    bingo
     
  10. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Of course you have to move on man. Unless she aborts the baby. Just think of all the problems that causes now, and in the future.
     
  11. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Is it flat-out genetics that bothers you? Would you have the same feelings if you were adopting a child? Or is it that the child's genetics are half her and half someone-that-isn't-you? Have you examined your motivations for feeling this way? If the man was completely out of the picture (let's say for argument's sake that he'll never show up again in your lifetime, so effectively he's dead), would you feel the same way, or would you feel slightly better knowing that although the child isn't technically part of you, you could adopt him and make him yours?

    I agree with previous posts that you should be wary of dating her for other reasons - if the pregnancy is that recent then she has some unfinished business that should be dealt with before you come into the picture; namely whether she plans to keep the child and what her status is with this guy.
     
  12. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

  13. CastorTroy

    CastorTroy New Member

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    If you have an issue with her being pregnant, especially by another man, then seriously don't persue a relationship with her. It won't be healthy for you, the woman, or the baby when he/she is born if you persue it now, and cut and run later.
     
  14. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    It doesn't matter how much he likes the girl, if he doesn't want children then that is a huge factor. If she has intentions of keeping the child, then, in your position, I'd move on although there is nothing stopping you from remaining friends with her.

    Even if she isn't keeping the baby, you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of girl you really want to be with.
     
  15. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    that's not your baggage. be a friend, definitely. but don't (and pardon the pun) carry his load
     

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