SRS What a fucking week!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Valence, Mar 10, 2006.

  1. Valence

    Valence Gustav Refugee

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    Long read, long rant. Makes me feel better.

    The g/f had surgery on Wednesday. It took an act of CONGRESS to get my employer to let me have the day off, even though it was requested well in excess of two weeks in advance.

    She's ok, I'm glad, getting released today. I leave from work to go see her, (two hours away) She's staying with her mom for a week or two till she get's back on her feet. I got her a nice peach / white rose arrangement, and a stuffed bunny she absolutely loves. She slept with it in the hospital since I gave it to her on wednesday.

    I tell you, sitting in the waiting room, not knowing what's going on, even though it's a routine surgery and not life threatening, is pretty nerve wracking.

    But anyway, back to the hell week I've experienced.

    My job has me so stressed that I'm physically and mentally exhausted. 25k a year isn't enough for this shit. I have to go home and take a long hot shower to get the knots in my shoulder blades to unwind.

    I sit down and answer the phone providing support non stop from when I get there to when I leave. No biggie, that's my job right? Well, my bosses (yep, I have several) see fit to add about 8 internal projects to my "to do" list.

    As well, all our clients think they are the only clients we have, so they all call bitching bout how their requests haven't been finished. I ask for help, tell em I'm overloaded, they basically say "support is your job, you do it"
    - Then ask why those 8 internal projects are not done yet.

    After getting the day off (only received approval two days before her surgery) I was somewhat relieved, though I was going to go anyway - approval or no approval.

    Still - I'm stressed to the max at work due to work load.
    I'm stressed because I'm having a hard time making ends meet at 25 k a year.
    I have student loans, car note, car repairs, all that shit.
    I feel trapped in my job since all my time off requests are being denied, so if I did find another position somewhere they won't let me off - so I can't interview. I tried calling in sick, when I really was sick, and they told me to forward my calls from the office to my PERSONAL cell phone and take calls from home. I basically said fuck that, and came in to the office.

    That, and I would love nothing more than to be with my g/f while she recovers. Any other place would have given me two or three days off. Not this place.

    I asked her mom (we are really cool, she absolutely loves me) to look around at the school district she works at (she's been there forever and has a lot of pull)
    She can get me in if there's a position, basically doing anything. Ideally, I'd love to do IT work, and maybe teach a business course or two. I'd love to move out to the Orange/Beaumont area again. I moved back to Houston after I graduated college last may.

    My g/f has a place there, so we can live cheaply. Cheaper to live out there. Also, her mom just bought a second house damaged by Hurricane Rita. She's currently repairing it and rebuilding from the inside out (2500 sf house and lot for only 6 k)

    So, in a couple years, she moves across the street to this house, and wants to sell us her current home (not a bad place at all) for what she owes on it. She financed it 8 years ago for a 15 year mortgage.

    Sounds good to me, fuck this job. Random people from careerbuilder and monster call me and it's only these two types of jobs:

    Pyramid Insurance scheme.

    Contract IT for temporary contract, making less than I do now, with no benefits.

    Fuck, I mean I guess I'm facing reality. I thought by completing my education things would get easier for me, career wise. I guess not.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its important that you don't let people walse over you and that you are able to say to yourself "STOP, to here and no further" , you see your choices create the reality you live in. Other people aren't crazy enough to let things go over the line and they set boundries to how much they will do on one day. Its a bit vulgar but when my old collegues got pressurized to do the impossible, they used to (pretend) to grab towards their dicks and shooting sperm over that person, its something like that you have to be able to (wave goodbye) at some requests people make. People are asking infinite + impossible things , so its important that you 'know' your limit, and that you try to refuse or reduce the requests that will send you into overkill.

    Work within your limited boundries, if you don't set them the additional stress will be a result.

    A job change would be nice. Sometimes you have to walk away, for better oppertunities + payment. You only have to watch out that you don't leave something you love, if that isn't the case then i would see no reason why not to move forward. :dunno:
     
  3. Valence

    Valence Gustav Refugee

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    I have no love for this job.

    I was going to post this in the main forum in regards to a thread about revealing to your long term crush, well, your crush. I decided against it though. Feels good to type it. The crush thing brought up memories of life back then. :wtc: Doesn't really bother me as much now.

    I've only had one "crush"

    I'm emotionally fucked. So yeah. Shortly after this one was over, (i was like 13) life went downhill due to a long history of beatings and emotional savagery (basically I was physically abused or beaten, whatever you call it up till 13 by step dad, then moved in w/ my dad and being mentally beaten and ridiculed at every opportunity by my step mom). I spent most of my time hating myself and doubting that any woman could ever love me. If I felt myself developing romantic feelings of any sort I would distance myself, telling myself that no woman would ever love me.
    Even today, after this dark period in my life, I still do not develop "crushes" I do not get butterflies and do not get excited to see people I haven't seen in a while. I do not miss those whom I haven't seen in a while. I could give a shit about my brother or sister, typically I find them highly annoying. Most people annoy me.
    I have a g/f that I love. I say love, she doesn't annoy me. She never has. She's the only one I have any physical reactions to at all, but they are very pitifully minor. I do look forward to spending time with her and are more relaxed around her than I am anyone else. And - it's not a purely physical thing. She's pretty, don't get me wrong. However OT and it's strict non forgiving standards regarding the perfect figure would frown upon her physique, but I could give a shit.


    But yes, Janel was my first crush. Lasted like two months. She knew it. I was dorky about it. It faded.

    Fast forward to a few years ago. Friend of mine attended U of H, and I went with him, cause at the time, I wasn't in school and had the day off. Saw her walk by in scrubs, and meet up with their debate team. I felt absolutely Nothing. I was glad.

    But yeah, I guess I remember that time and get sad. Thankfully both my mother and father realized that they had each basically married abusive monsters. They have since divorced and remarried; each on their third spouse. Step mom # 2 ended up being the one who mostly helped me out of my shell, and helped me change the person I'd become. I was quiet, rarely spoke, mostly I just didn't ever give a shit about anyone and became extremely withdrawn.

    I am proud that I never abused alcohol, drugs, or anything else during this period. I never went "goth" or emo.

    I basically just repressed it all and kept it hidden, never telling anyone. Which is why, I believe it went on for so long.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I think your life has been 'poisoned' , when people constantly stamp on your face mentally and physically into the ground you have to realise the following. Nothing can grow from continues destruction.

    This is why so many people can't devellope themselves to their entirety , because their enviroment destroys whatever is being spawned. The fact that you have repressed it has served you 'good' till so far, however, at this moment i advice you to a counseller at least 1 time a week,

    till you have reduced to what is bothering you to at least 1/3 of the current situation. I know your not fond of going to a counseller ,who would be? But the thing is this, you have to see these repressed memories as corpses into your closet, after a while the decaying bodies will start to affect the whole house and destroy your enjoyment of living in the house or mental peace if you life, this is why id like you to goto a counseller,

    who will act as a helper in removing the dead bodies from the closet, to which you can talk talk talk, and work away the pressure of all the repressed memories that are tormenting you. It would be wise if you ask me, but you should only do this when you are ready for such.
     
  5. Plasma

    Plasma New Member

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    Sounds like your being asked to do more than your job says.

    Your entitled to not have to be under stress at your job all the time.

    Simply say "No, I cant possibly do this".

    Do not give in to their shit, for gods sake. I know your probably thinking "well thats easy to say" or something, but I mean, the 'live to work, dont work to live' phrase comes in handy about now :)

    If your jobs shit and your hating it, quit.

    Walk into work tomorrow and give them two weeks notice that your over stressed and cant possibly do it.

    I reckon they will instantly change their tone anyway at the sudden thought of losing someone who is handling so much.
     

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