I asked my gf to tell me this outright, bc I realized that a little crystal of hope was hindering my ability to get over her. I thought if she told me herself explicitly that she was not interested, it might help me move on faster. So she did. Sort of. "We're not going to get back together, ok?" Then she started crying, said five words I could not for the life of me understand, and hung up. When she cries, when she gets very emotional, she likes to hide and do it privately. So I waited 20 minutes before I called back to see if she was alright. I then demanded an explanation for what the fuck happened this summer (minus the curse). She owed me that much. 5 months of unbelievable, passionate, romantic memories that had become increasingly intense and deep, followed by 2 months of increasingly strained memories that were full of conflicting messages and distance on her part, just before she left for college. As it turned out, all the things I worried that I might have done wrong were trivial non-issues. For example, I was afraid that I had been too available, depriving her of the chase. That cat-and-mouse idea was a load of horseshit. "I wouldn't have wanted that," she said. "Sometimes there's a difference between wanting something and responding to something," I pointed out. "You really think I would have been more involved if you had played hard-to-get once we were in a relationship? I would just have ended up being more confused." Here was another dumb idea I asked her about: "I made a strong impression as an outgoing person on our first date. Then later on it turned out I wasn't Mr. Outgoing. I thought maybe..." "No." And another: "You said that you felt belittled on occasion when we did have an argument..." Not the problem either. At last she answered. "I wasn't ready for a lot of commitment. I told you that earlier in the summer. [Debatable...] I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now." She paused. "I love you more than I've ever felt for anybody, and it scares me to admit that," she said and then started crying again. I hate hearing her cry so of course I began crying too. This confused me and after I pulled my shit together I cut to the chase. "Just to be clear, I should not hope that we get back together?" I asked. "Not now," she said. Not that fucking clear after all. "Ok, so I should not hold out for you, right?" I said, groping in the dark. "Right." It's what I thought in the first place ... she would need space when she got to college. God if only she had been strong enough to tell me this outright, it would have saved my ego a lot of fucking unnecessary damage. This whole time I had been wondering WTF did I do!? We were really unusually well matched for each other - much more than I ever would have expected when I asked her out - and then suddenly, bam! Break up. Well it wasn't some shit I did wrong that was the problem, it was almost in a sense the stuff I did right ... the intensity was scaring her and it's not what she wants right now. Like plenty of freshmen in college. I can understand that. I also can stop beating myself up every time I think about her. I still miss her so fucking much ... really like a drug withdrawal. I hid her deodorant so I would stop smelling it (I know, I'm freaky). Assuming I start understanding how to attract women I don't know (or rather, how not to repel them), I'm going to date around and meet new people. Maybe I will find someone who knocks my socks off. Until then ... thx for listening OT.