SRS We're done...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by verbal, Dec 1, 2008.

  1. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    ..and I don't think I'm putting up a fight this time. We never got to talk to a counselor and it's kind of my fault. Though I'd still like to. I may just go by myself to get some things off my chest and hear from a third party. :dunno:

    I've convinced her to at least stay until after Christmas. I'd like to see our daughter open gifts on Christmas morning since she's old enough now and since I'll probably never have her another Christmas morning.

    I just wish I could get her to see that I'm not completely at fault for this. I know I didn't help fix anything in our relationship, but I know I'm not completely responsible for everything either. But it seems like nothing I do can make her THINK about HER actions. I don't expect her to admit anything to me, but I'd just like to know she's thought about it.

    I've never had problems with ending relationships before. Never. Now that I have a kid with this girl it's so hard to let the relationship end. Maybe it's because my parents were together my whole life. Her's weren't since she was really young. And there were guys coming and going constantly in her mothers home. :dunno:
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's for the best man :hs: Good luck
     
  3. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    That's unfortunate. Did you ever try the 5 minute tool?

    The 5 Minute Tool

    This is a tool I use on my family constantly. It may not work if the people you're dealing with are psychologically sick or manipulative. Mutual respect, and the ability to listen is necessary for this to be successful.

    1:I'll get everyone together that I feel is involved. I will then ask if I can be allowed to speak without interruption for a minimum of 5 minutes.

    2:If during that 5 minutes anyone interrupts me I will get up and leave. I warn each person before I speak that I will give them the same courtesy when I'm done speaking.

    3:I then begin to talk about how I feel regarding each situation, without blaming anyone or pointing the finger or raising my voice. I simply say "I feel - etc etc about this or that", and this helps to prevent anyone from becoming defensive. I remain honest, and sincere about how I feel, and I don't try to protect anyone from how I really feel. If they get upset, while I'm being honest - it's unfortunate, but as long as talk truthful while being respectful, then I let them feel however they want. It's their reaction, not mine. I can't control how they feel.

    conclusion I keep this under 5 minutes to ensure that I hold their attention. I then finish up, and listen to the responses of each person one at a time without interrupting them. This can be a very awesome weapon of communication
     
  4. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Sucks man just be there for your kid as much as you possibly can that makes the difference
     
  5. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I would, but she has no respect for me. In her eyes everything she does is so much more than I do. I could go on and on. I've tried sitting her down and talking to her openly, but she instantly goes on the defensive regardless of how nicely I say it without blame.

    The only true heart to hearts we've had where she doesn't get defensive and understands what I'm saying is when we've done drugs. Hasn't been often, but it has happened.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    that's a fantastic idea. go.
     
  7. stryfe101

    stryfe101 New Member

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    That will help you in volumes...may not seem like it at first, but over time it will...I am proof of that.

    Can I ask what happened? I'm a non payer so I can't search..

    sounds about like what i've been thru..

    Gray

    it will get better...I'm still in the being told and starting to believe that stage
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd: Find a psychologist near you right now. Hopefully you have insurance.
     
  9. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Going by something you said in another thread, I was just searching HAPs site. It's horrible-- can't find anything there.

    I did get two names from my primary doctor. I'm going to find out if they take my insurance.
     
  10. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Not sure where to start. We've a few issues for years. Both are at fault. Both keep things bottled up until something makes them explode then everything comes out.

    I'm pretty sure she's clinically depressed. Sleeps 11 hours at night and needs a 1-2 hour nap during the day. All she wants out of life is to be married and have kids. We have a daughter. But she can't seem to handle or be happy with the daily monotony of life. I understand that most people aren't happy with the daily things in life but it's something we all have to deal with and get used it.

    I could go on an on with our issues. But that's a long story short.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bigthumb: Sometimes your HAP's website might suck. Usually if you call into them they can either send you an entire list by mail or look it up over the phone for you. Just another suggestion :hs:
     
  12. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    She really needs a new car and she just asked me to cosign for her. She's never had issues paying bills, so I feel like I should help her.

    I hope I'm not making a mistake.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    That is literally the worst idea right now.
     
  14. grltechie21

    grltechie21 *insert something witty here*

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    If I may ask, how old is your daughter? Sometimes new mom's get postpartum depression after birth usually sometime within the first year.
     
  15. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Agreed, especially when she stops making payments -- just like every other person we've heard here in Asylum who "cosigned."
     
  16. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    She just called me and said she changed her mind.
     
  17. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    18.5 months.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd: and in the Vag. I could probably go and search right now for you and find at least 5 guys in the Vag who all either co-signed a car or bought a car with their now ex girlfriends and every single one has been through a nightmare after the fact. No matter how "dependable" they seemed beforehand.
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :uh: about what?
     
  20. grltechie21

    grltechie21 *insert something witty here*

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    Ah, nevermind.
     
  21. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Part of me just wants to help her any way I can, ya know? Especially when you hear about women being complete bitches to their ex when a kid is involved.
     
  22. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Cosigning, not the breakup. :hs:
     
  23. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    It's still a valid point though. Postpartum can turn into other forms of depression, can't it?

    She's always had anixety. She just hides it very well.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Phew, ok good. Dodged a bullet there. Once you two move out the only ties you should have is your daughter and that's it.
     
  25. grltechie21

    grltechie21 *insert something witty here*

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    If it's left untreated i'm sure it can progress into something more, I don't know anything about clinical depression though.
    Was her labor pretty smooth or did she have complications?
    With me, I had 16 hours of labor and an emergency c-section in the end, don't remember much of anything really, so when I woke up my family was like "Hey, here's your daughter."
    Long story short, the point i'm trying to make is.......After going through that I had felt like I wasn't a mother b/c I didn't remember the labor, felt like I didn't try hard enough, that I let my husband down, just didn't want anything to do with my daughter the first month. I really sucked as a wife, slept as much as possible, I didn't wake up at night to take care of her, my husband had to do it. It was all because of the postpartum depression, I went back to my OB and I broke down, they put me on some anti-depressants and after a few months was back to normal and didn't need them anymore.
    This just seems like it got out of hand but seems all too familiar to me.
     

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