went to a gay bar tonight...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Jul 5, 2009.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    ...with a friend of mine who is bi.

    Got hit on by this Filippino guy who just kind of bobbed happily, high off of our pheromones or whatever it is that drew him to us, while my friend snubbed the FUCK out of him in a way that was highly bitchy / prickish. (I told my friend off about it later.)

    I think when someone has something you want that does not entitle you to a bitch shield... I have seen very hot girls who get approached all the time be nice to everyone and I have seen very average girls who get approached regularly be huge bitches.

    Anyways, I sat there while this guy kept talking to me... about nothing. He would just let the conversation stall and then stare with a big smile on his face. I had no problem with it of course. Why would I, if anything it is flattering.

    But what disturbed me was that this guy just took it as my friend pretended he did not exist.

    It was horrible for me to watch. It wasn't just the way the Filippino was behaving and the way my friend was behaving, it was the simple, fundamental power imbalance of the guy who has and the guy who wants. AND of course that is parallel to heterosexuality: the guy approaches, wanting, while the girl selects, having.

    Later that night I went to a bar and sat next to a pair of girls who I would have enjoyed talking to, not because they were attractive, which they weren't, but simply because they were company. Behind me, a very (very, very) drunk man who in *every single specific regard* was my inferior - height, facial attractiveness, physique, intelligence (presumably), age, pitch of voice, I mean take your pick - started talking to them in a loud voice. They were very happy just because they finally had some conversation. If I had started talking to them they would have been happy if I had been the hunchback of notre dame. But I didn't open my mouth because I didn't want to be that Filippino guy.

    I almost see why some people take the passive approach. "If something is in the cards, then it will happen to me, without me having to look for it." It's almost worth not making the effort to meet people simply to avoid humiliating yourself like that Filippino.

    And this is not something theoretical, this is something you see with experience. If you want some proof PM me, we will go to a gay bar together and then go to a straight bar and see where the power lies.
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That said, it's all worth it.

    It just also sucks.
     
  3. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Can I ask what your friend did that snubbed him? And I have no idea where you live, but I think it would be extremely interesting to go to bars with you and people watch like that.
     
  4. Rumbaar

    Rumbaar Inherent Omniscience OT Supporter

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    Those that have, will always have power over those that don't have. Be is sex, power, money or all of the above.

    ... of course unless it can be taken by force. But that's another story :)

    Don't just apply to bars as well, take a look at any online dating service.
     
  5. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    Yep, it sucks.

    It also is awesome to have a shameless wing man/wing woman. I'm a pretty good wing man myself, but not so good at approaching ladies on my own accord. I thought: why is that?

    When you play the game altruistically to try and get your buddy hooked up, you get to bust out your social skills, but your ego is not on the line.

    Another psychological trick I use to hype myself with is being good at something else. I forgot who on the Vag once said that my suggestion for developing another hobby or working out would only make them good at said hobby or working out. However, these activities would strengthen one's ego against the kinda brutal world of dating, lol. If you go out to the bar and you don't go to the gym, it's gonna show to your competitors, your targets of interest, and to yourself. While you're not going be doing any pushup competitions, you're being judged. All that "i'm a good BF because i snuggle" shit doesn't matter! You're going to be graded on a .5 second glance at your body, and the first 10 seconds of conversation!

    But like they say, there is a right person for the right time. You just gotta put yourself out there and play the numbers game.
     
  6. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    There are other options...
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I don't know. How do you describe snubbing? It was a combination of his facial expression, body language, and what he didn't say.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Yeah. He could have said "fuck this," which would have been water off a duck's ass - he'd merely be confirming his position in the situation. He could have said "just thought you were good looking and thought I'd approach," for which he would have been further snubbed and then, I guess, left awkwardly, confirming his position in the situation. His position.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    that being said.. I hate when girls do the throat cut motion. Thats the one thing that really bugs me, even more so then if she were to say something bitchy.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    unless someone is actually violating your bounadries, there aren't good ways to snub. and then a snub isn't the answer, it's a direct ":gtfo:." Filippino boy wasn't bugging anybody, just attempting to be charming, period, nicest guy in the world. that's why i wasn't snubbing him myself. i'm straight, i'm not going to TOUCH this guy but i don't need to prove my superiority over him by being a douchebag.

    i gave my friend a talkign to and he went upstairs and behaved nicely. it was still with a bit of a DIVA air to it, but it was better than nothing. people should all model their rejection behavior off of people like emily. just because you have power over someone you are not entitled to shit on them.
     
  11. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    care to give a bit of explanation on proper rejection behavior?
     
  12. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i have quite a few gay friends. from what i have noticed when they are approached by someone they are not interested in they are very snobby. i know its not always the case.... but it seems common in the gay community.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i don't know, some people have it down to an art. viewing rejection as an opportuntiy to avoid make someone feel bad rather than the opposite. i would say i'm quite good at it. gentle but direct; respectful.

    "look, i just want to let you know that if you're looking for someone to hook up with tonight i am not going to be that person, so you might want to look elsewhere :)" etc. etc.

    there are a million ways to do it that don't involve social DEFECATION.
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    yeah. I usually try to make enough small talk to make it not an outright punt and just try to be respectful. I don't understand people that can't even be polite, but those people are somewhat rare in my experience.
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    good thing im still (kind of) hot :big grin:
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    mis-paste?
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    wait what?
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    oh. no nevermind. i was confused. thought you were posting from a different thread somehow.
     

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