Well then...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Greyscale, Jul 23, 2009.

  1. Greyscale

    Greyscale New Member

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    (Not sure 100% if this is the right place or not. Might be more appropriate for the Asylum)

    I'm pretty sure I know the answer i'm going to get allready, but here goes nothing.

    A little back story (Cliffs for the most part, whole thing is much more complicated):

    Spring term of my Sophomore year in college (2008) my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had already been doing poorly in school, and ended up dropping an entire term and then out entirely.
    During this period I became semi-active in an online community, and I ended up meeting a few people. One guy and I hit it off, and we started talking. He was living in Colorado, and I was with my parents in Oregon. I can't remember exactly what lead to it, but I decided to move out of my parents place, leave my job at my father's company, and room with this guy in Colorado.
    Things went rather well, and my parents were surprisingly supportive. I drove out there in mid August of last year, with only a few thousand saved up. I was rather nervous, as this was the first time, ever, I had met someone via internet. I knew a bit about him at this point, and he with me, but there was still a lot that could of gone wrong.
    We had sex the first night I was there, it was my first time.
    I knew beforehand he was poly, and I didn't think it would bother me. It didn't at first, but gradually I got jealous whenever he payed attention to other people when we went out and did things. I really enjoyed most of the time I spent with him, but there were moments.
    A few months later we ran out of funds, and I had my parents bail us (me) out. I told him he could stay at my parents place, thinking that if I showed up with someone in tow the wouldn't say no. Boy was I wrong.
    It might of been the fact that my car broke down and it took us a week to get back, and three times as much money as I had originally asked for, but my father only let him stay in the house for a week. Then he was out, luckily he knew a couple of people in the area.
    I ended up working for my father again (have ever since), and he kinda dropped off the radar for a while. Whenever he did show back up I would make snide comments about his situation and relations, which was not the most mature thing ever...
    Somehow I ended up apologizing to him after I realized that the comments were hurting myself as well (I was depressed for weeks, thinking about him constantly). We started talking, and hanging out, in late January (2009).
    Since he was still unemployed, I started paying for us to go out.
    As a cliche, I asked him out on Valentines day. He told me that he didn't think it was a good point for us to start anything serious, and I had to agree.
    He ended up joining the Army reserves in March after still being unable to find anyplace that would hire. In April he was kicked out of the place he was staying after they got a paying roommate. Stayed with me for a couple of days, then ended up basically on the streets. Luckily he's met a few people who have taken him in since then, but he is still homeless and broke.
    My relationship with him has been very strained, and i'm feeling like shit because of it.
    He's adopted a "don't care" attitude with a lot of things now, and its started to get to me.
    I honestly have a problem with a lot of the things he does, like casual sex, tending to ignore me, ect. I've gone from being perfectly happy one moment, to pissed off and depressed then next.
    This past weekend we both said and did things that pissed the other person off, and i've been considering leaving him entirely now. I feel like i'm going to lose something either way though, and i'm torn at the moment.
    He ships off for basic in 7 weeks, and will be gone for six months. I'm trying to find a way to work through things until then, but everything I do only seems to push one of us further away. He's a really good friend, and almost the only one I have left, and I don't want to loose him. On the other hand, I can see how out relationship is unhealthy. I don't know what to do anymore. (If anyone wants clarification on things, feel free to ask.)


    What should I do/not do?

    Part of my problem is i'm still rather immature, i've been compared to a middle school aged girl before. His problem... is rather complex...
     
  2. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    That who situation is a mess. On both of your parts. You need to get yourself together before worrying about a guy.
     
  3. Greyscale

    Greyscale New Member

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    Care to elaborate there?
     
  4. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    You don't need this guy, he is pretty much the definition of a loser.

    Tell him to go Active Duty, i'm sure with a background like that he won't make it into Combat Arms, so he'll be safe too. Somebody's gotta make sure beans and ammo gets delivered, trucks can run, and drunk soldiers don't cause too much trouble stateside.

    They'll give him food and shelter, and maybe some self respect too.

    As for self respect, maybe you should get some yourself as well. This guy is not making you happy, and is probably dragging you down to his level of unhappiness. You are aiding him by being needy... and needing him!!!

    Ever wonder why prostitutes stick with their pimps, even though their pimps beat the shit out them, drug them, and force them to have sex with strangers a dozen times a day? If you've ever wondered that, you should probably start wondering why you are so needy torwards a guy who obviously isn't a winner, isn't going to help you advance in life, and doesn't make you happy.
     
  5. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    And she shouldn't be called a loser as well???? She dropped out of college, took her savings and ran off with some dude she didn't know. They obviously BOTH didn't work, ran out of funds and she had to call mommy and daddy.
     
  6. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    LOL, she clearly has to re-evaluate her priorities and goals in life.

    A few of my close friend's parents actually died of cancer during college. It was tough as hell, watching their families go through the strain of cancer, and the horrible deaths that took their parents. But they didn't lose their shit, drop out, and start dating some scum bag who is litterally from the bottom of the barrel. So i agree that Grey here, hasn't really done too well for herself. No need to call her a loser though.

    The only saving grace of the scum bag Grey is dating is that he isn't actively committing crimes and abusing drugs, but Greyscale could have conveniently left that out for all we know.

    Greyscale: You need to dump dump dump this guy and get him out of your mind. You also clearly have self esteem issues. You need to learn to get your sense of self worth from YOURSELF before you can get into relationships, otherwise you will lose your independence to someone else. If you are a "lucky" needy girl with low self esteem, you'll date a nice guy. More likely though, you'll end up with either an asshole or a scum sucking loser/leech.

    This guy is a leech.

    He is using you for sex, companionship, money, whatever. If you don't see this, it is because you are blinded by "love". A sick, twisted, and perverted version of love similar to what an underage prostitute has torwards her pimp. You're obviously not in QUITE as bad a situation, but it's still pretty bad.

    I hope you realize this, and save yourself from this guy/situation. There's always community college man. Starting saving your money and go and make something of yourself.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    and
    /thread
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    can someone define "poly" for me? More than one partner?
     
  9. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    it's a huge can of worms :mamoru: But generally, dating more than 1 person.
    Or like 1 long term relationship and regular sex outings on the side.
     
  10. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    short for "polygamous"

    Usually reserved only for the rich, famous, handsome, and/or charming. Sometimes acquired by douchebags who prey on low self esteem.
     
  11. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    He treats you like shit. Check.
    He has no job. Check.
    He's a loser. Check.
    He's a leech. Check.
    And yet some how you feel like you love him and that he loves you... right?

    Until you grow up and get some common sense, you will spend the next several years in one bad relationship after the next because you have low self esteem and pick the guys that confirm that self belief.

    Women need to stop getting into relationships with their maternal instincts... you can't change guys like this and make them into better guys.

    He's a leech and will continue to drain every ounce of life out of you.
     
  12. Greyscale

    Greyscale New Member

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    1. I'm not dating him.
    2. I've only had sex with him 3 times.
    3. I'm a guy... =/

    But yeah... I get what you guys are getting at...
     
  13. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    LOL, I was suspecting that.

    What is it with gay dudes having low, low, low standards?

    I remember reading stories in DC, about how it was a problem that high paid consultants/political whatevers would go fuck homeless dudes in tents under the highway.

    Get your shit together holmes. You might as well ask the gay subforum for help, they understand that type of relationship dynamic better.
     
  14. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Changes the story slightly, but doesn't matter... he's still a leech, and you need to work on your self esteem, and self worth.
     
  15. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    The closet is the gay subforum.
     
  16. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    uh wtf, how can you only have sex 3 times with someone you lived with ?
     
  17. Greyscale

    Greyscale New Member

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    A couple more things of note.

    I have half his stuff sitting in my room right now. He just IMd me wondering if I could get his blanket and pillow to him before Saturday... =/

    I've seen his kind and caring side, and that's why I'm still here. He is fairly intelligent, open minded, and approachable. He's just been in some shitty situations in the past and made some poor decisions. He really is a good guy, just misguided.
    What i'm getting at here is if letting him go is the best decision for myself, I don't want to fuck things up completely.
     
  18. Greyscale

    Greyscale New Member

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    He's rather difficult to get in bed...
     
  19. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    :rofl:

    Are you fucking high?

    OF COURSE!

    Also, since he's gay, he should have joined the Navy.
     

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