SRS Well that didn't go as planned

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dano, Jan 15, 2008.

  1. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    I've kept out of the dating scene since breaking up with my ex in September because I just had no interest in any girls. Well one of the dietitians on my floor had an intern join her a few weeks ago and I just couldn't help but have some interest in her. I talked to her randomly here and there and we always laughed/joked, plus she is drop dead gorgeous.

    I got to talking to her on Sunday and she agreed to go out for dinner downtown after we both got off work. She sent me a text saying she didn't feel well and was tired before we were both off our shifts. I called her assuming I'd either have to change plans for another day or just be dropped like a rock. She said she felt tired but really wanted to go out that day still.

    We had a BLAST. Laughed the entire time, conversation never went dry, went to the casino and lost our asses but had fun, etc. She gave me that "girl wave" when I dropped her back off at her car and she was all smiles. I figured I had found someone to at least attempt dating for a while.

    I didn't try contacting her yesterday at all so I wouldn't come off being stalkerish. I called her earlier because I was on a different unit for my clinical and when I was helping a classmate look through a chart I found a note from her and thought it was humorous. She didn't answer but I left a voicemail telling her that, but she never left me a voicemail from a call back.

    I got a new phone Friday and it had been acting up, but I finally got it fixed today. It wouldn't send texts when it was messed up and she knew that, so I jokingly sent her a text saying "Look, I can text!" or something like that. No response.

    I come home and find out she removed me from her Facebook friends. As childish at it sounds, that does indicate something. I don't feel I tried calling or messaging her way too much. She had talked a little about how she had a breakup with a guy who was insane maybe a month ago (when he saw she added me, he called her asking who I was), that could have something or nothing to do with this.

    I'm guessing she flipped out and thought I was trying to move fast, pretended to like me when she really didn't for whatever reason, or (best case scenario) she does truly have some interest in me but is scared of a relationship thanks to the previous asshole.

    I tried calling her before I typed this out telling her honestly that I don't know if she tried to call back because I wasn't even getting calls because my phone was so jacked. It's the last time I'm trying to call her unless she calls me.

    I don't know why I wrote all that out, but it made me feel a little better. :hs:

    What do you guys and gals think?
     
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Red flag, bright, huge, massively red flag. Actually three of them. Dating someone "insane" is often a sign she herself isn't stable. And the second red flag is this relationship ended only a month ago. The third red flag is she told you about it. All three are on my list. Here is my list:

    -- Red Flags Avoid these people with these patterns: Abusive parents, crazy or abusive ex-husbands, abusive ex-boyfriends, alcoholism, drugs, talks about ex on first, second dates, negativity, disrespectful, confuses you, arrogance/condescending, Cheated in past, self-centered, Breaks Dates, Makes excuses, lies, cusses a lot, No Class, Inflexible, Distrusting, Bitter, Nags, gossips. Women who say something, but their actions and body language reflect different signals. Women with low self-esteem, a recent break-up, fixated on money, or have psychological problems, or psychiatric problems. Remember, life isn't fair. I personally fall into some of these areas, and I'd expect a female to be ruthless in cutting me off too if she felt I wouldn't be a good mate for her.
     
  3. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    She might fall into these as well:

    No class - we ate sushi and I kept trying to not look like a pig when chewing so I'd put my hand in front of my mouth. One time she noticed it and said "Oh I don't care, I eat like a slob"

    Bitter - our server brought us the wrong sushi dish and apologized, then brought the correct one. I frequent the restaurant too and they're always perfect, food's great, friendly servers so I wasn't flustered. When I was thinking out loud how much a 20% tip was on the bill, she said "Don't even give him that much, he brought us the wrong order."

    Fixated on money - she mentioned a few times how her career isn't going to pay a fortune and she'd love to have a sugar daddy. She laughed when saying it, but you never know. Someone women really are like that, but verbalizing it on a date is a different story.
     
  4. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Just one of those is enough to keep me detached from a girl. Depending on which ones she has, and how severe they are, I draw arbitrary lines regarding what I will and won't tolerate.

    Alcoholism, automatically excluded. Abusive Ex- automatically excluded. If she cusses a lot sometimes, I may make an exception. Context is still important, but my rules are clear enough to be flexible and yet have conviction.

    I'd make an exception probably, depending on the severity. The context counts, so I can't say clearly.

    Big red flag.

    Big red flag.

    Between those two things, I would have ended it. I've seen those patterns before.
     
  5. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    I love OT. :hug:

    If it weren't for you picking those things out, I would have sat here feeling like I was the one who had problems and not her.

    I did most of the typical nice guys stuff on the date. Opened all doors for her, pulled her chair out, paid for everything, let her order/speak first when the server came, etc. I don't think she thinks I'm an asshole. If it's for some other reason though, I wish she would at least have the guts to tell me.

    It's going to be awkward as fuck if I encounter her at work if she doesn't call me and talk first. She did get sent to a different unit starting today, but I could still run into her anywhere else. The hospital is huge.

    The floor dietitian and me are somewhat friends you could say, we talk all the time and it's totally platonic in nature. She's married, I don't have that sort of interest in her. If the girl doesn't contact me somehow within a week I'll just assume that it was a waste of time/money and write her off, but I would like to ask the dietitian if she knows what was up with her. She's nice and mature enough that I know she wouldn't tell the intern if I told her to not let her know I asked.
     
  6. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I unfortunately have a lot of experience.

    I usually don't pay. I do everything else though. I get women to pay for me. It's a way that I measure and weigh them. Their body language and behavior tell me a lot more about them depending how they react to "paying". In fact conversations go like this with me and most girls.

    Me: So uh, dinner was good.
    Her: Yeah, I liked it.
    Me: Good, good, I'd hate for you to pay for something you didn't like.
    Her: *squint*.....
    Me: Oh I'm sorry. You didn't think I was paying did you? (Playfully teasing, but.....not)
    Her: LOL, I knew you weren't paying, (No she didn't)
    Me: Good, glad we got that out of the way. I'd hate for things to be awkward when the bill came (Sarcasm/playful)
    Her: Yeah... really.

    That last line, the way she says it, the way she looks and behaves all tell me whether to continue with her, or drive her home (assuming I drove, which I also rarely do if the girl has a car)

    By doing this, the girls who are cool with my behavior are rewarded with a second date.

    You can avoid the awkward aspect by simply saying hello and continue walking. That's just what I do though.

    I wouldn't recommend it. When it's over, detach. There is no valid reason beyond a man's own insecurity to be concerned with "what was up."
     
  7. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    You really feel that way? I view it as being inquisitive, and if it was something I did wrong (brought up some topic too much) then it's a learning experience.

    And :rofl: at dinner payment conversation. I don't mind paying because if the dating leads to a relationship I know she'll be paying for plenty of meals down the line. Never had a girlfriend that didn't.
     
  8. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    How could you have done something wrong if you were being yourself? Notice how the question answers itself?

    Be yourself, because those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter. -- Anonymous.

    I don't pay because I accomplish two things. I save money, which is always nice, and two, I get an opportunity to measure her interest, her character, and her *reaction* to surprises or unplanned events. When people react it's when they're character is most exposed. It tells me a lot more about them then all the discussion we would have had over the course of the entire date.

    See, I do it the other way around. If she behaves herself and pays without hesitation or upset, and we get along great, I pay "later" for things, usually as surprises (I like reactions as you can tell).
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    They are funny when they happen -- usually. Here is another example:

    Me: So where do you want to eat?
    Her: Oh I don't know, anywhere is fine (Every woman says this)
    Me: Well if I choose, you pay. It's only fair. (It really is)
    Her: How is that fair?
    Me: Well it takes a lot of effort to make a decisive choice,.
    Her: No it doesn't.
    Me: Oh? Where would you like to eat? (Laughing)
    Her: I don't know, any.....wait a second!
    Me: Exactly, do I need to stop at an ATM?
    Her: LOL, you're silly.
    Me: I know. (Dead serious)
     
  10. nezfotnemom

    nezfotnemom OT Supporter

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    Hey no matter the outcome, it sounds like you had some fun! Be thankful it didnt end with her going crazy or something. Lol. Maybe she realized she got too comfortable too quickly and is playing it off. DONT CALL her. I have found if you make yourself TOO available, they seem to lose interest. Good luck :wiggle:
     
  11. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    I hate to drop my argument, but you're probably right, especially rereading the quote below.

    Quote thief. :fawk: I have it as my Facebook quote, except it goes "Say what you mean, and do what you feel, because those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter."

    Like I said though, I am inquisitive in nature and if being too open was the reason she decided to drop me like a rock, I don't need to know but it would be nice to figure out if I was right. If the dietitian tells me "Oh, she's all hung up on her ex" then I could think to myself "Ohhh, well I figured as much." If she says "Because you talked about cars too much" or something retarded like that, I could then think to myself "Well good, because I like cars so fuck her." :mamoru:
     
  12. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Well you're free to argue, I mean really, it's not like I'm the one who suffers any consequence. I have no ego investment in your outcome. I'm glad you're reconsidering it, that way you don't suffer either.

    Then you know exactly what I'm saying.

    Well do what you want, whatever serves you in getting from point A to point B. As for me, I don't care if someone doesn't like what I have to say, isn't over her ex, or thinks I failed their tests, or perhaps they have their own reasons that have nothing to do with me. Whatever the cause, I assume it's "them" by default so it never weighs on me anymore. I've learned what works for me.
     
  13. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    I might take up this philosophy of the womens. Not like I won't move on or find another.

    I'm just really, really inquisitive. I often annoy professors because I get so inquisitive I divulge into the topic past the point of what we need to understand. That's just the way I've always been. I sit in class and think of shit I don't know and Google it later. It doesn't benefit me really, and neither would knowing why this girl jumped ship, but I just like to know for whatever reason.
     
  14. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I am too; inquisitive that is, only once I know the common denominator then I have my answer and I don't need to search for another.

    I didn't come to my conclusions by coincidence or accident. I came to them with hard earned failure and pain.

    Find out if you like, just make sure you know it's not coming from a place of insecurity, because if it was, you'd be doing yourself a disservice.
     
  15. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    Not at all man.

    If it was because I didn't meet her standards, I'd like to know so I know she would have been a waste of time on another date. I am me; if she doesn't like that, there's a bajillion fish in the sea who may like good ol' me. I wouldn't feel like garbage.
     
  16. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Alright, fair enough. I can already tell you that she's the problem. She's a douche bag based on what you've reported.
     
  17. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    Comparing how I felt earlier to now, I think I felt that way because I had such high expectations from the date. It was picture perfect except the kissing with the sunset behind us lol.
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    It's always unfortunate when reality doesn't align with the stars (Our expectations).
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Well, just from reading the first few posts, it sounds like losing this girl is nothing to be upset about.

    Seriously talking about an ex on the first date is a major turn off. Talking about what you are looking for in a relationship is fine, but if she talks about her ex the majority of the time, I'm turned off. Hell, I might just up and leave if it was really bad.
     
  20. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Metallic, you're a legend on this board. Are you a student of "doc love" ? I've listened to some of his radio shows and your ideas are very similar to his.
     
  21. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I've read so many books that my head just automatically flips to pages in my mind when a particular topic is brought up. Doc Love, The System, structured in an A,B,C, pattern expressing particular words as a given topic for 1-5 pages, using metaphor, and "Miss right" and "Cat: Pussy cat" and "Dog: Fido" as synonymous for women and men.

    It's a bit absurd the way the book is written in my opinion too "corny" -- but the material is organized in such a way that it can be applicable in a given context, but I would not find it applicable in all context.

    Reading books is great and all, but you really need the face to face contact and to demonstrate original and genuine application of anything you've learned.
     
  22. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    So I was standing in front of a patient's pull-down today (charting area outside rooms) and her and another dietitian walked by to go upstairs and she said "Oh, hi" and I said "Hi" and that was it. :rofl:
     
  23. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    Well, there's your answer then...she would have been a waste of time. At least you had some fun on the date.

    BTW Metallic...not EVERY women says "i don't know, anywhere is fine"...are you kidding me? If a guy asked me out and ask "where do you want to go" hell, I'm going to tell him what I want to eat...I would hate to leave it up to someone else and end up at some kind of restaurant with food that disgust me. Also on a first date, depending on how interested I am in the guy, I would either pay or ask for separate checks. I never expect someone to pay for me (too independent for that) and if I really like the guy I insist on paying because it shows that I care about them. But, that's just how I roll...:rofl:

    Thank God I don't have to worry about that anymore though...my bf and I are so connected now that we just kind of know which one is getting the bill without even talking about it.
     
  24. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    It's a figure of speech, really.

    Exactly, and I prey on women like you in so much that i can see who you are by actions like that. The old days are gone, now it's up to the individual!

    I know who is always getting the bill too, because I've left my wallet at home. :o
     
  25. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    Oh reeaallllly??? I'm sure it was:rolleyes::mamoru:



    You want me don't ya....ROFLMAO..I know I'm irresistible...:rofl:...seriously though, it SHOULD be up to the individual. Any women who is comfortable with herself would have confidence enough to BE herself. I for one have the philosophy of "what you see is what you get"...I'm to old to play games like that. If you like me for who I am great, if you don't I really don't care because it's your loss.



    Wow, that would suck...how would you be able to call a cab with no money???:rofl: Hope the weather is good for that long walk home!!!!:rofl:

    (sorry I'm sick and all drugged up...kind of slap happy right now:mamoru:)
     

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