SRS Welcome to the amazing sexless relationship :(

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MyAsylumAcct, May 22, 2007.

  1. MyAsylumAcct

    MyAsylumAcct New Member

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    I'm not going to post the detailed version, since it would be very long. Instead, please accept these bullet points.

    *Longish term relationship (around 8 months)
    *three months ago, I graduated and moved 150 miles away to get a job, but at the girls request I drove back every weekend to visit her. (She's been to my place twice, and complains about the neighborhood when she's down here)
    *sex in relationship started out great, but has tapered off to nothing in the past 3-4 months. I can't remember the last time we had sex, I know it has been at least two months.
    *Relationship is good in all other areas.

    I love her, and I know she loves me (preempt she isn't on black cock, she isn't the cheating kind) but every time I approach her for sex in any manner, I always get "sorry, I'm not horny" and occasionally tears and apologies for not ever being horny.

    Its getting frustrating though, because to be blunt, it hurts a bit to be consistantly rejected by someone you've been with for quite a while. I'm very close to just giving up completely and going to the internet for all my sexual needs because the internet occasionally says yes.

    I not really sure if I'm venting, looking for advice, support or what...I'm just frustrated (sexually & emotionally)
     
  2. Nyctrias

    Nyctrias If I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead.

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    Hard to say from what you wrote, but have you tried getting her in the mood? Spend an hour or two in various increasing stages of foreplay?

    If she won't even respond to that, you need to have a serious talk with her.
     
  3. MyAsylumAcct

    MyAsylumAcct New Member

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    Tried it. No dice.
    Can't really talk to her about it either since she immediately starts crying and apologizing and won't talk about it any deeper.
     
  4. autobahn

    autobahn New Member

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    guess what?

    the relationship won't last.

    you're going to have to end it unless you're happy with no sex the rest of your life.
     
  5. Ickyarkman

    Ickyarkman New Member

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    UHHH WRONG! Listen here autbahn. Relationships last without sex :naughty: BUT if she is that sensitive on the subject she OBVIOUSLY went through something when she was younger. Just try and learn more about her past. She doesn't seem to be completely comfortable with you yet but if you just wait she'll give it up:bigthumb:
     
  6. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    End it.
     
  7. All signs point to her cheating.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Aside from having her see a doc and seeing if there is a medical cause...end the relationship. You say the relationship is great in all other areas, but it is already startting to affect your self-esteem...and pretty soon you will start resenting her and getting angry at her.

    Just end it and find someone who can meet ALL your needs.
     
  9. losbastardos

    losbastardos Pass me the ringer, Knave; we’ll hand it down. OT Supporter

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    I'm in the same boat man, and have been for a very long time. Looking back my mistake was not getting out sooner like you can, now a decade later I'm feeling the same way you are and the way a few have predicted in here and I feel trapped. After awhile you just stop bothering because you'll either get rejected or it's just not worth it anymore.
    Anyway, move on. You can have the discussion a million times and chances are it'll get better for awhile then go right back to where it is.
     
  10. Nyctrias

    Nyctrias If I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead.

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    Sounds to me like she's feeling guilty...if the sex was great in the beginning, and now she just cries whenever you get anywhere near that idea...it should tell you something.
     
  11. Liquid_Vitamins

    Liquid_Vitamins New Member

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    Sounds like something may have happened to her or that she may have some medical reason (depression?) that's hindering her libido. Maybe she'll be willing to talk about it from that perspective.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    So she starts crying and you back off feeling like a dick for making her cry...amirite?

    Look you've got to have a discussion if you really love this woman no matter what. Simply tell her to stop crying and discuss this issue like an adult.
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    i sure hope this is a dealbreaker for you
     
  14. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    That's what I'm thinking

    Doesn't sound like she's cheating. And you don't cry cause you're bored of sex
     
  15. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Doubt she's cheating but there is an issue there somewhere, daddy issues, religion issues, moral issues? something isn't right if she can't discuss it like an adult I'm afraid you'll have to move on
     
  16. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    :werd:

    Unfortunately I speak from experience. Any time I was cheating or messing around on teh side, I always had a "headache, wasn't horny, on my period" some sort of excuse and yea, the relationship would seem perfect in all other areas - They were just lacking in sex due to the wee bit of guilt I would feel for messing around. Granted, he would use some of the same excuses (minus the period one. :mamoru: ) when he was out fucking around.. But basically no sex means relationship doomed.
     
  17. johan

    johan Active Member

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    This relationship is over. Can a relationship last without sex? Of course it can.

    This is not one of those relationships, and the refusal to engage in sexual behaviour on her part has MEANING.

    If she won't discuss it reasonably (I'm NOT suggesting you demand sex) then it's clear that the relationship is done.

    We could go into the reasons why, and the meaning of her being physically closed off to you, but the end result will still be the same. This one is done.
     
  18. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    I dunno but if she is crying everytime you mention sex, and you see her once a week (by the sound of it she is withdrawing her attention by not wanting to visit your place).. If you love her so much why don't you let her move in with you?

    Maybe she has deeper issues when she cries when you want sex..... Like others say, depression, is she on meds? Maybe she was raped.. In either case you should SIT DOWN AND TALK with her
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Is she on chemical birth control? Some chemical birth controls (certain pills) mess with a girl's hormones. One of my exes went on the pill and it killed her sex drive, made her basically unable to get wet, and turned her into an emotional wreck.

    Once she changed pills, everything was back to normal :)
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Oh, if you're horny and she's not does she at least go down on you?
     
  21. Jackie Treehorn

    Jackie Treehorn Active Member

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    Not likely that she's cheating. Cheating women tend to double down on the sex with their SO in some strange convoluted theory that the guy won't know what's going on then. Or maybe she's cheating anyway :o

    Regardless I think you should end it. LDR + Non-sexual female = lose.
     
  22. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Definitely wouldnt be able to deal with that. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and her crying every time you mention it, making her upset for an unknown reason, is only going to drive you up the wall.
     
  23. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

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    :ugh:
     
  24. ChuckFarley

    ChuckFarley New Member

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    Even though it's been said a number of times above, I'd like to reiterate the point that her crying could point to a very serious problem that has NOTHING to do with cheating or with you for that matter. If she's on meds, of almost any variety, they could be screwing with her hormones and her libido. Especially anti-depressants and birth control. To say "oh she must be cheating" is just looking for an easy excuse not to step up to the plate and be a man and find out what's really wrong. I'm not saying she isn't cheating, it's a possibility too, but it's your responsibility to find out, get to the root of the problem. If you can't make that effort, even if it's very hard (IE she starts crying all the time or it starts a fight) then you don't love her as much as you claim. DON'T push her too hard though. If this problem is caused by something traumatic that happened to her (in the past, or even maybe during your relationship), she may not open up easily and unfortunately she could be feeling guilty about it (many women who are raped feel at least partially at fault).
     
  25. ChuckFarley

    ChuckFarley New Member

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    just so I can ward off the waist of time responses I think I might get, I'm not saying it is EVER a womens fault if she is raped. I'm simply saying that they tend to feel guilty, however rediculous their guilt is, it happens.
     

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