Weird situation with my wife (long read, no cliffs)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by -Shaggs-, Jul 24, 2006.

  1. -Shaggs-

    -Shaggs- Member

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    My wife met some new friends last weekend. One of them happens to be a nanny, so the 2 of them decided to take my kids and the nanny's kids that she watches out together during the day, which I thought was fine.

    The nanny and her children decide to have a sleep over with the kids, which I still thought was fine. (a little side note, I work nights and I get home around 7-7:30am.) When I get home the frickin nanny is sleeping in my bed. Fully clothed and my wife is there too, again fully clothed. Both sleeping on the opposite sides of the bed. My wife didn't think anything of it since apparently she used to let her friends sleep in it all the time when I wasn't there. So I get a little upset, go down stairs, grab a beer, and then the nanny and my wife get up and come down stairs and ask if I can move so the nanny can sleep on the couch that I was sitting on. I got up and my wife and I went to bed. I told my wife that I don't want to see some strange chick in my bed ever again. Especially one that she has known for less than a week.

    Now the next day, the nanny takes her children back to their parents and comes back to my house. My wife and her talk all night, play you don't know jack, and hang out with my neighbors. And the nanny ends up staying the night again. This time down stairs on the couch. So atleast they took me seriously on that note. When I get home in the morning I tell my wife that I don't trust this nanny chick and that I don't want her staying the night anymore. My wife says fine ok.

    The next day the nanny and my wife go clothes shopping, took my kids with them cause I had to go to work. I get to work and end up texting my wife around 8:30pm just to talk and see what she bought for clothes. I text her again later around 1am cause I was bored at work and she tells me that she has a migraine and is trying to go to sleep. I ask her if she'd been drinking and she said no, that she took some tylenol pm. Which I thought was normal. She has trouble sleeping when I'm working. So I ask her if the nanny left. i guess she said yeah, but with the rest of her text message it didn't sound like an answer to my question, so I asked her what time that she left, she told me that she read the kids a book before they went to bed, and they got back from shopping around 9pm so I was guessing around 9:30 - 10pm. SO I ask her a 3rd time, is she gone or is she staying again? She text me back saying Gone ok. So along with this little span of questions she asked me to get some bread and some juice before I come home, which is not that big of a deal.
    So I'm on my way home and get a few miles from my house and who do I pass? That fucking nanny chick! I didn't bother going to the store. I went in to my house and yelled at my wife, what the hell is going on? Why did she lie about her staying the night? and I also said something about her cheating on me.
    She says that she didn't tell me because she knew I would get upset (good guess) and that nothing is going on with her, she would never cheat on me (which I do believe), she also says that she told the nanny chick to leave because I would get upset and that if she got caught staying the night that they couldn't be friends anymore, and she stayed anyways.

    So was I wrong in anything that I did? Was I wrong to get upset? I know most guys would love to see 2 women in their bed but I think it was more that it was some chick that I don't know very well.
    I trust my wife (but its gonna be a little hard to now that she lied to me.) And I know that she would never cheat on me. But who wouldn't think somethings not right when the same chick is staying at their house 3 nights in a row? And then to be lied to when she stayed after being told not too.

    What do you all think?
     
  2. R6_rider

    R6_rider Pure Awesomeness

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    maybe the nanny chick was lookin for a place a to stay and ur wife seemed like a sucker. i say good call on ur part.
    later
    "Z"
    was the nanny hot?
     
  3. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Why would you make the wife tell the nanny she cant stay? You know women are non-confrontational. Tell her yourself.
     
  4. Bella

    Bella New Member

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    Where do you want me baby?!
    NO I agree I mean it's one thing to meet someone new, but then another when this new person is sleeping over from day one of meeting and having kids into it as well. I would think why is she over all the time? Doesnt she have other friends? She have a home?
     
  5. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Does your wife have many friends? If not, I would think she is craving a friendship and happens to bond with this woman very well.

    I cant blame you for being upset that she went against your wishes, but I would ask your wife why she enjoys spending so much time with this woman. She should have answer.
     
  6. Riot

    Riot OT Supporter

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    i think you're over reacting
     
  7. -Shaggs-

    -Shaggs- Member

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    No she doesn't have many friends, but we just moved out here almost 3 months ago, she is friends with our neighbors and we all hang out alot when I'm off work, and she did make another friend off of myspace, but she hasn't really had a chance to make friends. My wife has been a stay at home mom since we moved out here.

    My wife did tell me that she is desperate to make friends and I don't have a problem with her making friends, its just that something just doesn't feel right about someone I barely know staying over so many nights in a row.
     
  8. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    trust your gut shaggs. your gut says something is up, something is probably up.
     
  9. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Yeah, something about this just doesn't sound right... I can't exactly put my finger on it though. You said this nanny DOES have a job with a different family, right?
     
  10. The Mafia

    The Mafia New Member

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    this may sound weird, but do you think that your wife maybe attracted to her?

    Or maybe she just wants someone around to fill the huge void she see's when you are gone?

    She probably loves you so much dude, and feels super lonely when you are gone.
     
  11. EG6

    EG6 OT Supporter

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    That's probably why...you said she has a hard time sleeping when you're at work so maybe with the nanny around it helps her pass time easier.

    If something like that happened with my GF I'd think that some weird shit was going on as well so don't worry...you're not over-reacting. Something does seem weird about this whole situation
     
  12. The Sirc

    The Sirc Guest

    Trust the Spidey Sense.
     
  13. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    While keeping that in mind, you're not asking your wife to *stop* being friends with her. You're asking that a perfect stranger doesn't sleep in your house.

    It's perfectly reasonable, imo, and you should sit down and have another earnest conversation with her. It makes you uncomfortable. Period. Later, if they're still friends and you know her better, you may feel more comfortable.
    Until then, it's understandable. Good luck!

    Heed your gut instinct on this.
     
  14. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    The whole situation seems fishy. :naughty:

    Seriously, you did the right thing by telling your wife you don't approve of the situation. I'd seriously be freaked out if a total stranger was in my bed next to my wife when I got home one night.

    Not to dig too deep, but are you young? Have you/she displayed any behaviors of ... fooling around with multiple partners?
     
  15. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I'm still curious on this. How many families who employ nannies would find it acceptable for the nanny and their children to sleep over at somebody else's house?

    I think the whole situation is really messed up and something else is going on.
     
  16. The Sirc

    The Sirc Guest

    My girlfriend's family has a nanny that sleeps over a lot. But that's probably because she's been around for about 2-3 years. When we go to Argentina next week, she'll be around watching the house and such and sleeping over there.
     
  17. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Who is the nanny employed by? Your girlfriend's family?
     
  18. The Sirc

    The Sirc Guest

    Oh yeah... I guess that would make a difference. :big grin:
     
  19. low20

    low20 Member

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    sounds very odd to me...id be real pissed and suspiscious as well..
     
  20. Jennipher

    Jennipher Dontcha know OT Supporter

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    You just moved, it sounds like you're gone often, and your wife has found someone who she clicks with..

    I don't see what the problem is, other than that she was dishonest with you. I am going to assume she was dishonest because she anticipated your reaction would be strong, and wanted to avoid it. Still not okay, but you have to ask yourself are you overreacting?

    As for her sleeping in your bed, women sharing a bed is not an uncommon thing. You were gone overnight, who knows maybe they were up late talking or watching a movie and dozed off. If your wife hasn't given you any reason in the past to not trust her, I don't see why you would be upset by this. If it was another man, I could definately understand.

    Has your wife shown lesbian or bi-sexual tendencies in the past?

    I have a girl friend who comes over about once a month. We get wine, watch movies and have girl talk. We do usually end up sleeping next to each other, because we're laying down watching movies. I've never thought twice about this being inappropriate, nor has my husband. Which is why I ask the question has she ever been into other women.
     
  21. Jennipher

    Jennipher Dontcha know OT Supporter

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    Actually there situation is perfect for an affair to develop.

    He is gone overnight, she is alone with the kids. Not many friends, feeling lonely and craving conversation.

    For a lot of women, the need for conversation is as important as sex is for men. When they are starved for it, and wind up getting it from a member of the opposite sex, it can be a disaster.

    I would actually be glad she is finding friends, and with members of the same sex.
     
  22. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    Damn, Jenn, I didn't know you still browsed this forum...
     
  23. -Shaggs-

    -Shaggs- Member

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    When we got married my wife told me that she was interested in trying a girl out. And a few years ago we did. It was disasterous, we almost split up. But we got past it and haven't ever really talked about it since. In the past couple of days she has started talking about it again but how it would be with someone that we both are into.

    I think we are working it out. It just freaked me out having the nanny chick here 3 nights in a row and being lied to about it.

    And me being gone overnight has never been a problem. I have met and even hung out with most of her friends from where we moved from, so I kind of expected them to hang out with her at night while I'm working. But I got to know them before any of them starting spending the night.

    So maybe I am over-reacting but my gut is telling me too.
     
  24. Jennipher

    Jennipher Dontcha know OT Supporter

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    Okay now this is making more sense. What has your response been to her when she has brought up the threesome talk lately?

    Does she know how you truly feel about the past threesome, or how you truly feel about having another?

    Lying was wrong, period. She should have been upfront with you. But I think you may need to reconsider your tactics with this situation. If she feels you are being unreasonable, or that you are going to get very upset with her, she is going to probably lie again.

    It may not have been a problem in the past.. because most likely she had friends, perhaps family and a support system. A move can be a big change, and not having your husband at night can start feeling pretty lonely.

    I think what you need to do is sit down and calmly explain you position on this. Don't make any demands! Just let her know how and why you feel the way you do about the situation. Tell her that you would like for her to not have this friend overnight in the future, but again, don't demand it.

    When you have this coversation, be polite, hell even try to smile. I think you'll find you will have better results with this approach.

    And also, it seems like maybe you do have some jealousy, and controlling behavior. Think about if this true, and if you agree, you should try to figure out why this is, and what you can do to change this behavior.

    I think you do have some merit in this situation, but you seem untrusting of your wife, and very focused on what she does when you're not at home. Maybe it is for good reason (past deception) but that is hard for me to decided based on what I've read.
     
  25. Jennipher

    Jennipher Dontcha know OT Supporter

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    Hey Jeff. :wavey:
     

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