SRS We Need a Break

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by anonymous, Aug 25, 2005.

  1. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

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    When one person in the relationship says that they need to take a break, in your experiences, how does it usually turn out?
    In your situation, why did you or that person want the break?
    For those situations that got a happy ending, what did you guys do to achieve that happy ending?

    In my situation, my SO said he wanted to take a break a month ago. We still hang out like we normally do and it just confused me because one moment I would think that since things are happy, it'll make him realize he wants this relationship too. At the same time, when I'm by myself, I start thinking about what if he doesn't want this relationship. When he first told me he wanted to take a break, I accused him of purposely sabatoging the relationship because he's been hurt by his two exes in the past. I told him that he wanted to end the relationship even though there's nothing wrong with our relationship because he thinks that I'm going to hurt him too so he would rather end it while things were good than if things ever got bad. Last week, he admitted to me that I was right. He doesn't know if he wants a relationship because he's been single for so long that he now feels suffocated with me around.
    It just makes me sad because there's nothing wrong with our relationship and he's thinking about ending it for no reason other than he's afraid he'll get hurt. Yet there are couples out there who have issues in their relationship and they're willing to work things out because they care about each other and want to be together.
    I told him how it was unfair for me that he's not giving me a definitive answer on whether he wants this relationship or not because I'm an emotional roller coaster right now. One moment, I'll think things will be okay with us and the next moment, I'm worrying again about whether it really will be okay or not.
    He promised me he will give me a decision in 2 weeks (which after this week, should be the end of the second week). I didn't force a deadline; it was something he came up with himself. If he doesn't come up with a decision, I'm not going to force him to make one. I'm just scared of what his decision might be. I thought maybe asking this question might provide me insight (and hope?) on whether people really do get back together after taking breaks.
     
  2. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    im still friends with both of the girls, but we never got back together.

    infact in both instances by the time they decided they needed a "break" from me, they had already found the next guy..
     
  3. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

    Need a break means good riddance...
     
  4. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    i had a break and we never got back together.
     
  5. TheGetUpkid

    TheGetUpkid New Member

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    I've seen "breaks" go either way. I actually just got back together with my girlfriend couple weeks ago after being on a break for a month (which was only supposed to last 2 weeks at the most) . The thing that pissed me off the most is that she never really gave me a straight answer about wanting a break. All she said was that she needed time to think. Like you said it was an emotional rollcoaster just because I didnt know if she wanted to be together with me or not. She still called me and we hung out every once in awhile, but I felt that it was giving me some kind of false hope, and stopped answering her calls.

    We did end up getting back together when i finally answered one of her calls and she said she really wanted to see me. She came over my house and told me that she wanted to get back together and that she was sorry for making my summer shitty, and that she missed me and our relationship.

    So to answer your question, yes sometimes people do end up getting back together after a break. But also keep in mind that he may decide that he wants to be alone. I suggest you use this time to think if you really do want to get back together, and to spend time with family and friends.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If you go on a break, cut OFF ALL CONTACT.

    If she was halfway, she'll miss you and want you back.
    If she actually just wanted out, she will be gone.

    In either case, SHE has to miss YOU. You can't really do anything special to affect this. If you've been going out for a while, then she knows all about you.

    She knows the product she's getting.
    If she wants that product, she'll be back for more.
    If she doesn't want that product...there's no magic you can do in the next 1 week that will erase all she's known about you over the whole time you're together.

    In other words, if she doesn't want you -- the REAL you -- there's nothing you can do.
    Or were you planning on a complete personality transformation just to win her back?

    So CUT OFF ALL CONTACT DURING THE BREAK. It will hurt, but it's the only way to make her miss you. Either you're together or you're not. She has to choose.


    So...do they come back after a break? Sure. Some do.
    Take this time not to mope around, in a state of semi-heartbreak, but use it to strengthen yourself. Become more positive, more vibrant, more everything.

    Either she'll really want this polished up version of you, or else maybe you'll realize that what YOU really want...lies elsewhere also.
     
  7. zguy

    zguy New Member

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    I can agree with that. My fiance broke it off with me three months or so ago, and my personal way of dealing with breaks or break up is to just burn the person from my life. No contact, I get rid of all the stuff the reminds me of her. Well acouple of days ago after no contact during those three months, she starts sending me text messages. Then we ended up talking about what happened and the possibility of getting back together and working on things. The same thing happened with the gf before that one, but she never came back and ive had no contact in the 2 years we havent been together. It can really go either way
     
  8. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

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    that's how I normally deal with things too. It's just for some reason, this one is different... I guess because I know deep down he doesn't really want this break either. So I'm here trying to make things happy for him but at the same time, I wonder if all this "effort" is helping the situation.
    It's also hard to just cut everything off because we work in the same building and run into each other sometimes.
    In the beginning, when he said he wanted a break, it would hurt every time I saw him so I eventually started avoiding parts of the building where I thought he might be and our building isn't even that big. I would also avoid going outside, even though I love the outdoors, because I know I might run into him when he's taking a smoke break or whether and I loath seeing a cigarette in his hands.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2005
  9. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    It's an easier way of saying good bye.
     
  10. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

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    i had a break (she initiated)

    she ended up wanting to get back together. i had already moved on and found someone else.
     
  11. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

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    thanks for all the insight. The reason I posted here is because I get immature answers from people in the vag (since all they think about is sex, the obvious answer to them is that he is looking elsewhere). I know him and I know that's not what it is. He's had a very difficult life and all he wants is things to be easy for us. I guess I didn't help in that and he wanted to take a break because with all the other things going on in his life, it was too much stress for him.
     
  12. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    I'm in the same boat.. kinda. Where me and the gf are on a "break"... however we still hang out the same now, if not more. Not sure what my ending will be, so I don't have an answer for you, but I'm ready for either scenario.
     
  13. slims

    slims New Member

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    Need a break means my life will be overall better without you, or at least I think.
    Judge for yourself.
     

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