Was I just a rebound?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by pew pew pew, Feb 10, 2008.

  1. pew pew pew

    pew pew pew OT Supporter

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    If anyone will read all this and respond Id appreciate it a lot, Ive been bouncing around mentally a lot the last couple weeks and I just need some help to get through this.

    Her background: Just finished college, in that "post college, I dont want to do anything for a little bit" type thing. She dated a guy for 3 years or so in college . Hes an illegal immigrant that worked at a mexican restaurant across from the place she worked. She found out he had another whole family (a wife and 2 kids) back in mexico and he would go back and forth and visit them occasionally and then live here with her some also. Originally he claimed he had the two kids but his wife was estranged but she found out that was not the case. She stayed with him for a while but eventually kicked him out. It was a very rough relationship to say the least.

    So anyway they broke up and he moved back to mexico. I started talking to her. We have a ton in common. We would stay up all night long and juts talk and really had a very good intellectual connection. She told me that she was happy to have a "healthy" relationship with someone. We started having sex and had a good connection that way also (she had only been with two other people so I felt like it was special to her) After a while she just started treating me crappy and trying to come up with excuses to make me feel crappy. She would blow me off to hang out with her sister (even if we had plans) and started calling me a "needy bitch". I wasn't allowed to hold her hand or show any PDA in front of her sister and she didnt see that as a little abnormal, she thought I was being "needy and unreasonable". I found out she was talking to her ex-bf and she admitted that she still had these unresolved feelings about him but knew it wasn't healthy for her to be with him. She tried to tell me that you just dont get over people and there is still love for them and you have to deal with it. She finally admitted that shes still in love with him but can't be with him and I felt crappy. So I broke things off and told her she needs her space to figure things out and doesn't need me "breathing down her neck" wanting her attention. She flipped and was basically like "No, I am telling you this because I want to be with you and I need to get through these things so we can have a good foundation to build our relationship on. I just want you to bear with me" so I did for a couple weeks and it sucked because I knew she just wasnt putting her heart out there for me and i was trying really hard to give her waht she needs. Fast forward to last week: She dumps me over the internet and says "youre just not someone I can love, youre great for someone but not for me" "i wish we had met in another life and we could be so happy but im so screwed up emtionally", "youre so arrogant and I just cant deal with it" (basically a lot of excuses that weren't really true, along with other stuff that was just hurtful and untrue, she was fishing for reasons to end the relationship like saying we were too different to be together, etc, but her reasons just didnt mesh) I told her she needs to come over in person because I deserved the respect to be dumped in person and she kind of put it off and didnt want to face me in person but finally did and it seemed to make her very upset to be "actually doing it" (I think she just didnt want to really face what she was doing)

    Me: I am just upset because I was really falling for her and she wasnt for me. On one hand it seemed like i was falling in love with a girl that wasnt hot for me. On the other hand I kind of felt she was falling for me but really didnt want to because she is still holding onto her past and picking all these excuses and believing them was a good way to make herself feel better. She had only been with two other people who she dated for a long time and that kind of made me think that I wasn't just a rebound guy to her because she takes sex pretty seriously.

    I miss her a lot but Im not going to talk to her unless she contacts me. I can't just be friends with her because Im very disappointed and saw a lot of potential between us. Anyone have advice for me? Is this relationship completely dead or should I keep the door open to see if she clears up her feelings eventually? Thanks for reading all :hs:
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Are you fucking serious?

    This girl treated you like crap, insulted you multiple times, did things just to make you feel crappy, and you have the notion of seeing if it will clear up?

    The answer is NO. After the things she has done, she does not get a second chance.

    Have some self respect man, don't associate with anyone who treats you like that.
     
  3. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    not specifically a rebound, but definately not a healthy anything.

    I would say move on, go about your own way. You have feelings for her, she doesn't really return the favor, so since you can't stop having feelings for her, you need to just cold turkey get the heck away from her completely if you you will just end up thinking about this forever and kicking yourself over everyday.

    She knows what you want of her, and if she wants the same, SHE will come to you, but DO NOT let that small hope keep you away from exploring other opportunities and living your own life.

    Oh, and she looks to be a huge emotional problem IMO.


    VALUE YOURSELF MORE !
     
  4. pew pew pew

    pew pew pew OT Supporter

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    i guess another big factor for me is i live in a crappy redneck small town right now and i have a very hard time finding people I engage with intellectually and spiritually around here. I haven't had a serious relationship for several years and just don't click very well with the girls around here (im social and not shy; i date fairly often but theres just nothing there usually.. theyre usually country girls that are looking for a husband and to settle down around here at a young age :hsugh:).. so i was willing to cut her some more slack because i REALLY liked her.... or maybe i really liked her because she was my best option at the time :hs: thanks for the responses so far
     
  5. pew pew pew

    pew pew pew OT Supporter

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    :werd: i know i cannot talk to her anymore, we aren't doing the "lets be friends" thing. i know it is her issues and theres nothing wrong with me but I was willing to take extra crap from her for the reasons i mentioned in the post above this one. I am just very disappointed because we really clicked and it "made sense" unlike other things in her life.. and I saw a lot of potential in our relationship and she does/did too. I guess she summed it up well in saying "I know what I need but its not what I want right now". I feel like she doesnt feel like she deserves to feel happy but It sucks because I know I cannot tell her what is right for her
     
  6. doubleb23

    doubleb23 Ooooo

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    I'd cut your losses and run. Lack of reciprocation is probably the worst thing you have to deal with in a relationship.
     
  7. nezfotnemom

    nezfotnemom OT Supporter

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    Doesnt sound too much like a rebound as much as just a bad ending toa relationship.. I was the victim (well not really, i enjoyed it) of a rebound last week:

    Go to superbowl party and meet friends girlfriends friend. We get drunk. She tells me how her boyfriend was an ahole last night and she broke it off with him. We drink more. Talk. We start making out. She passes out. Next day she invites me over for a movie. Start makin out. Get a BJ. Have sex (WRAPPED OF COURSE OT!). Sleep over. Didnt talk to her in 4 days. Communication now is kinda random.

    That's more like a rebound :)


    Not thread jacking.. Just kinda demonstration a difference? I dunno
     
  8. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    :rofl: :werd:
     
  9. pew pew pew

    pew pew pew OT Supporter

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    :hs: i guess i see the difference... stilll bummd though
     
  10. Frito

    Frito New Member

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    know what you talking about man. you'll get over it with time
     
  11. Frito

    Frito New Member

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    plus its difficult to be in a relationship with a girl who hasn't gotten over an ex. they ussually always try to crawl back to them
     
  12. pew pew pew

    pew pew pew OT Supporter

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    :hs: update: she still keeps texting and calling me wanting to "talk" and keeps saying shes torn and keeps telling me that she does love me but she loves her ex also and feels bad for treating me crappy and wishes "the situation wasnt like this" and i try to tell her its not the situation its her, its up to her to decide what she wants and quit leaving all her "doors open" emotionally. I wish she would just either decide she wants to be miserable and go back to her ex (who isnt even in the country anymore, [agh its just so ridiculous]) or decide she does want to be with me and just close the door on her past. she just doesnt want to let go of anything
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    she's a drama queen. If she made a commitment, she'd have no more drama in her life. Plus, she's hoping to get attention from both you and the ex, without committing to either of you.
     
  14. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    :werd:


    Just move on, ignore those texts, and go enjoy life sans doramaaaa
     

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