Wanting girlfriend to call more?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by enigmatic, Jul 7, 2008.

  1. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    First post, hi OT!

    Been together for 10 months. Relationship is great. We're together 8 months of the year at school, never been issues to make note of, we don't play games. We're on our summer break (1 more month until we're together again), and it seems that I am the one who calls her most of the time (usually once a night before go to sleep), and she has callen every so often when she is at work ( maybe once every week, if that) - but our conversations are fine.

    Should I tell her that I'd like it if she would call me more, or should I play a game and not call.

    NOTE: Her parents may have some input on this because while they are very cool to me in person, they don't believe she should be talking to me every day yet she insists otherwise to them.

    cliffs: girl and I together for 10 months + a great relationship, I call her usually once a night, she calls every so often (mostly at work, possible parental pressure). we're on our summer break right now (we've gone through this during winter break, similar situation).
     
  2. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    4,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yes, tell her. Also, since you're a first time poster, be prepared for an onslaught of people telling you that you should break up now (why 'waste time' ) that you're somehow 'insecure' that your gf is 'inseucre' and WTF are you doing being young, geez, grow the fuck up.
    Sorry for side rant.
     
  3. SHIFT_blue

    SHIFT_blue OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2004
    Messages:
    210
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Utah
    Whats the matter with one call a night? How many times are you wanting to talk to her a day? Maybe your calling so much already that she feels she doesnt need to.
     
  4. Jimeigh

    Jimeigh Every rook and jay in the corvidae have been raven

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2005
    Messages:
    20,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    if you want her to call you more, tell her to call you more.

    if you felt it a virtue that neither of you "play games" then why would you want to be the one to ruin that kind of record?
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,958
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    My ex's parents didn't want her calling me every day either. We used to talk 4-5 hours a day. After we broke up, I realized where they were coming from. They were dead right. Her calling you every day isn't going to make her love you more and can be damaging for the future. It's better for the relationship and keeps it more exciting to keep things on the edge. I wouldn't stress over it. When you finally see each other it'll be worth the wait.
     
  6. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest


    I guess in my fucked up "ideal" head it'd be that I'd call one night and then the next, she'lll surprise me with one the day after, etc. However, i suppose since we are in some sort of a routine it may lead her to believe that she can just chill. Sometimes she'll call me from her work mid-day, if I say like, "if you get a break at work give me a call if you want" and she'll usually do it.

    I mean literally, OT, we have an amazing relationship. It's the only thing that I would like to change...but I suppose rather than showing some slight insecurity (which it is not in my opinion) just go with the flow since we only have a month left.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Damn, this thread was made really recently and I can't find it :( It had a lot of good advice, but anywho.

    Just tell her. Don't be shocked if she's a little :ugh: because she's just never thought about it before. Good luck, this "LDR" will test your new relationship, but working on communication is a good start!

    Also, even if you are apart talking more than once or twice a day can seem kind of silly if she has a life in her hometown. You said she works, right?
     
  8. Jimeigh

    Jimeigh Every rook and jay in the corvidae have been raven

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2005
    Messages:
    20,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    what's wrong with talking with her as often as he does? well, sherlock, he wants to talk to her MORE. :eek3:

    jesus tapdancing christ.
     
  9. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    Good point, I would not want to play games. However, I don't want to say "call me please" because I feel that sounds childish and it may come out of left field for her. I'm curious as to what she'd think and, if I say it, I don't want her to feel forced into calling thereafter rather than a spontaneous random one.
     
  10. Jimeigh

    Jimeigh Every rook and jay in the corvidae have been raven

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2005
    Messages:
    20,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    well if you dont wanna say that, then say something else...

    at first my girlfriend was worried i'd find her too "clingy" if she called more than the bare minimum. so maybe that's the case with yours. maybe say "you can call me more than (x amount of times) a day" but dont ask her to. let her know it's okay. but she's a girl: she will read between the lines. she'll know you want her to.

    right, you wish that calling you were something she felt compelled to do on her own without having to be told.
     
  11. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    Yes, exactly...yet I feel your statement was a sarcastic way of noting her lack of calling as if it were some problem.

    She does call, just not that often - and there is a few things I want to note.

    We did the long distance thing over our 1 month winter break, same sort of situation, but we got together during it midway and we had an unbelievable time together just as we did two weeks back.Before we got together she described herself as not much of a phone person.

    A week ago before I went on vacation two days passed when this interesting situation happened: I called her late one night, she apparantly got it the next morning, went to work for her usual 10 hour shift, forgot to call me back. The day after that I gave her a call mid day, she said she'd call me back because at work (she did on her break, said she'd call back when home, she did, but stated she had to go to grandparent's birthday [truth], and she gave me a call back later that night, talked, was perfect). It was during the conversation when I jokingly said she is bad at calling people back (first time it ever happened, though), she apologized and said work + that she just forgot (np). Then, we talked about the day before where we were talking on the phone at night, and I gave her a call a second after it ended to remind her to take her BC pill, she sounded mad - I asked her what it was about, she said her dad was in the room at that moment saying how we need not talk to each other every night, but she told me that she told her dad that she wanted to and she was only frustrated at that moment and apologized for getting harsh for a second on the phone.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Out of curiosity, other than you giving her a call nightly before bed, how many times would you wish she would call you?
     
  13. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    Why don't her parents think you should talk everyday?
     
  14. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    I believe that we should talk once per day at night for a decent amount of time to catch up, hear each other, and just random small talk. I just wish I wasn't the primary one doing the calling (however if I say 'I will call tomorrow', I will call, but often I don't end like that, and I still am the one doing the calling).
     
  15. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    Here's the thing - their parents want her to finish her college degree and don't want her to drop out for a relationship. Why they think anyone would do that I don't know, but they do (perhaps by "mistake")? While they are both very cool to me in person and take me out to eat when they are on campus, I suppose they just don't want her to go down their left hand path.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Oh ok, well that's not bad at all, I was more worried you are expecting her to all like 2-3 times a day. Having a large call at the end of the night to "catch up" is understandable and standard I'd say (just got off mine :mamoru:). But you did say she works, sometimes 10 hour shifts so I have to assume she's kind of busy.

    Just talk to her :dunno: Like I said before, she might be a little :ugh: because she's never even thought about it and just enjoyed you always calling, it's become routine so she figures "why break that?"
     
  17. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    In your opinion, is it worth the risk?

    If I do call, I'd bring it up in a few days and slip in like, "haha well if you're ever tired but want to talk before you crash, you could always call me, I feel bad for calling you so late when you work so hard"
     
  18. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    That's funny, regardless of how much they try to control her she's going to do what she wants and whatever's going to happen is going to happen.

    Just a little far out that they think she shouldn't talk to her bf everyday.

    If I started dating a girl with parents like that I would probably break up with her, I wouldn't want to date a girl whose parents still try to have that much influence in her life.
     
  19. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    You should be the only one answering that question.
     
  20. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    Touche good sir, and while you're correct, hearing another opinion isn't bad. I'd say it definitely couldn't hurt right now since there's still a bit left in the summer, but I know that she means nothing wrong by what goes on, so I'm mixed. If I do proceed, I would say it by how I just posted (in my previous post) that I would.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I don't think it's really a risk, and if it was some big deal in her mind well then...she's a little :nuts: If you bring it up in a mature, matter-of-fact manner then she will hopefully treat it as such. Don't make it a big deal and she will most likely not treat it as a big deal.

    This is a tiny, miniscule problem compared to the much harder situations you could face later in a relationship, so it's good to start working on the open communication now.
     
  22. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    So the example I gave could be a could way to bring it across, or should I go for a more serious approach? I don't thikn she'll think I'm nuts, but I hope she sees where I am coming from by saying it.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    It beats around the bush a little bit but is sweet and also very subtle. That's the only problem though, she might not read between the lines at all and still expect you are just going to call, you know? While I don't like game-playing at all I'm not entirely opposed to you not calling one night. I mean have you ever just tried not to call?

    When we brought up this exact thread topic recently a lot of girls I think agreed their bf did a huge majority of the calling, mine included. On the nights where it's far past the usual times he calls I then call him out of almost shock. Do you really think if just one night you held off on calling her she wouldn't try to contact you?
     
  24. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,134
    Likes Received:
    8
    you - you know what I was thinking about today?
    her - what's that hunnie?
    you - i might like it if you called me a little more...
     
  25. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    The one time I tried it it ended up weirdly as mentioned (called, she forgot to call the next day, another day went by no call at all, I call the day after and she gets back to me as she promised each time during the day + ended w/ good conversation). So I think I'll call tomorrow, not call the next day, and let the day after that run later into the night and if no call I'll send her one, hopefullly she'll pick up, I'll leave a message. The day after, I'll take it from there...bit too complicated, as you can see I'm not good with this whole thing :hs:

    Wondering now if I should do it lightly as I said, or more straight up as he said (jmezz). I like the straight forwardishness of it, sounds dick though to her, but I would only use that one if I don't talk to her and then the next day I'll call her and mid convo I'll bring it up.
     

Share This Page