SRS Visiting Family for Christmas

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by seismic, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    This might belong in the day care, but I'm willing to bet more people will see it here.

    I'd like opinions: both my side of the family and my wife's side are celebrating on Christmas Day. My side of the family hardly sees our son. They see him maybe once a month, or less for extended family, with the exception of my father who sees him more regularly but won't be in attendance (we're visiting him on a different day). My wife's side of the family sees him every week (or every other) for hours, if not days.

    My wife feels that her family is more deserving of our visit during Christmas because they "make more of an effort to see him and be involved". Therefore, my family is not as deserving because they already do not visit him often. Basically my family just gets together on holidays.

    Another of my wife's points was that our son would have more fun with her side of the family because there are kids his age there. I agree with that. However, he's young (19 months) and probably will entertain himself anyway.

    I feel that we should be making the sacrifice to visit my family so that they can spend time with our son. Personally, I could care less and do not see the significance in the holiday season.

    What do you guys think? Do you agree that the family that works harder to see him deserves it more, or the family that doesn't make as much effort? I feel that allowing him to visit would be a gift to either family, and my wife's side of the family experiences that often.
     
  2. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    What I meant by that was that I could care less about my own personal desire to visit the family, but I feel a sense of responsibility to make sure that my family has time with our son.
     
  3. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    for a while we split time right down the middle. then we figured out it sucked for us, and we changed and started visiting her family on christmas eve and mine on christmas day and the 26th. then her family comes up on the 26th to overlap and see my family for an afternoon before they head home.

    24th evening, her family
    25-26, my family
    26 afternoon, her family comes to hang with my family, then my family leaves
    26-27ish, her family stays.

    it sounds hectic, but it's actually calm and works great.
     
  4. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    Yeah, we thought about doing something like that, and we thought that my family's get together was going to be on Christmas Eve but were mistaken. We're trying to do that with other family members (my dad and her dad) but my extended family will only be together at the same time as hers.

    What do you think about the situation? If there was no solution other than to pick a family to visit, what is your personal opinion on the idea that one family is less valid due to the absence of effort? That's the reason I made this thread. I can't comprehend her point of view of "they don't try as hard so they're not as important" when her family sees our son regularly. I think it's a necessary evil to deprive her family--who sees our son regularly--for the holiday in order to have him visit those that he does not regularly see.
     
  5. Harrison78

    Harrison78 New Member

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    This sounds like the same situation my wife and I were in when we first started a family. Both families were within 30 miles of us, yet only my side made a constant effort to be in our daughters life. My daughter saw her gandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins weekly, and they formed a very strong bond. She saw my wifes family every few months (if that). My wife and I made our decision based on the best interests of our daughter. We wanted her to enjoy her holidays and to have fond memories of them. The last thing we wanted was a photo album full of pictures of her with people she barely knew. My wife and I both agreed that if her side really wanted to share in our daughters life then they would have had made more of an effort, and that their laziness shouldn't be rewarded with our presence on Christmas Day. We don't see our attendence at family get-togethers as an obligation, but rather as a gift.

    Is there any effort on your side of the family as far as wanting to be a part of your sons life? By what I read it seems like it's pretty one-sided, and that's neither fair nor healthy.

    If it were up to me and my vote was the deciding factor, I would rule in favor of your wife and then have a nice little chat with your family about making an effort and making your son a priority.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    .....I'd stay home and let everyone know they're free to visit my family at my house.



    There's no reason one family has to be "more important" than the other.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    No one "deserves" it any more than another. You could use that same argument to say that you deserve the time as a family and you're not seeing anyone else on Christmas day.

    Our family situation is hectic. We alternate yearly on whose family gets to see us on Christmas eve/day and visit the other family in the days afterward. It just makes it easier for our respective families to plan and there's no hurt feelings because everyone knows what to expect.
     
  8. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    I think scheduling it ahead of time would have saved us the trouble. We'll have to do that next year.
     

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