SRS very sad day(anonymous post)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Feb 21, 2010.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I'm going through a difficult time. I have had suspicions that my wife has been seeing someone recently. I confronted her today and she admitted everything. I'm not sure why I am even posting this. I am broken.
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sorry to hear that bro. Life will get better
     
  3. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I once heard someone say "if you want monogamy, marry a swan." I'm not going to say it doesn't suck that she was cheating on you, and she definitely has to answer for her actions, but what really matters is whether she still comes home and still wants to be married to you. Don't let problems in the short-term distract you from the long-term.
     
  4. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    :ugh:
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I've told my wife straight to her face, if she cheats, we're done. There's nothing that would fix that deep of a breech in trust.

    He needs to decide if it's something *HE* can live with before he figures out if she still wants to be with him. I know my answer, and so does my wife.
     
  6. Eurostaunch

    Eurostaunch New Member

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    +1

    Dump that cheating skank before she shares his venereal diseases with you.
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Sorry to hear.

    Don't let anyone tell you that you should dump her or keep her. That is something only you can judge and make the decision about. I know people that have done both. While the dump her route might seem easier it's still very difficult and painful. The keep her route is not much easier. The person that I know that kept her did so because of their history and her willingness to seek help both personally and for the marriage.

    Stay true to yourself and make your own decision....and you don't have to make that decision at any time....only you can know when it's time to make the decision. If you don't know, you simply don't know.

    Good luck.
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I agree with this. That was the
    part of my post.
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
    My post was not addressed to anyone in this thread. More addressed to the legion of friends/family/others that have an opinion on what someone should or should not do in these circumstances.
     
  10. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    :hug:Sorry to hear your wife breeched your trust, and cut you to the very fiber of your being. As mentioned, ending the relationship isn't the only option. That is totally dependent on what you, and only you decide. You didn't mention if children were involved. That definitely complicates matters.

    I've known people who have tried to repair their marriages and failed, and those who have succeeded. I think finding out what drove your wife to do something as despicable as breaking her marriage vows, is the key to finding out if you want to even try and continue.

    Good luck in whatever you decide!:hug:
     
  11. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    How heartbreaking. Give yourself time to sort through all the emotions you are feeling. Don't feel rushed into making a decision, especially not by her. You are in control now. All the cards are in your hand and don't let her for one second try and make this about you being rushed by her.
    You have to be able to walk away with no regrets. If this takes years, let it take years. You have to be able to stay with her and look her in the eye and see her and not her betrayal. That could take even longer than years.

    Good luck
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Thanks for all the thoughts. to answer a few questions, yes we have 2 children. very young children. This makes matters very difficult.

    I could type for hours about what I am going through but suffice to say, I hurt deep.

    I don't know whether to work this out or end it. We are both talking to someone about this tomorrow so that might help. It's our preacher. I know alot of people on OT don't believe in God/church/religion but save that for another post please.

    I said the same thing to my wife as 7960. I told her in the beginning that if she ever cheated on me, it would be over. My heart and mind are done right now but I don't know what that will do in the long run to my kids.

    My parents had issues (father cheated) when I was young and they got separated. Not long after, they reconciled and are ~45 yrs married. So, I know it can work. I just don't know if I have the desire.

    Spending the next few months and possibly years wondering if she is telling me the truth or not seems impossible to deal with. Is she really working late? Who called/texted her? Is she really going to the mall shopping?

    I feel horrible.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I hope it works out well with the preacher, but I also strongly urge you two to consider seeing a professional marriage counsellor.

    Some preachers have excellent insight into these matters, but some do not. That's not their training.

    Don't give up hope if your meetings with the preacher don't produce the results you want -- consider seeing a trained professional to help with your issues.
     
  14. r3joe

    r3joe New Member

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    wtf :rofl:

    She's not the one that needs to decide if she still wants to be married. It's him who does.
     
  15. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    I'm really sorry about the situation.

    These stories make me depressed and almost not believe in love.

    Always remember, you have options.
    You can still take care of your children even if you are not with their mother 24/7.

    The kids are a priority.
     
  16. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    nobody comes here to talk about how they're happily married, and still enjoy waking up next to the same person, and love that they have a partner to share every day with.

    people come to bitch when something goes wrong....it'd be like a counselor believing the world sucks because "all I hear are shitty stories about life!!" if that's what you surround yourself with, of course that's all you're going to hear.

    love exists. it takes a lot of hard work, but it's definitely worth pursuing.
     
  17. Tsunami

    Tsunami New Member

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    Just make sure you don't end up being a fucking pussy and taking her back. Get a divorce ASAP.
     
  18. chickenfeather

    chickenfeather New Member

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    So it doesn't matter that she's out getting teamed by her 5 guys as long as she comes home to her husband since he provides money and a place to relax until she decides to go out and play again? Nice. :ugh2:
     
  19. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    I would be so ashamed with my relationship that I would have to end it, kids or not. My view is it's best for the kids to have two parents living separately and not fighting or sending off a hostile vibe than two parents that don't love or trust each other anymore under the same roof.

    Just know that you can do better and her cheating was her decision. You didn't make her do anything. If you want to take someone back that clearly doesn't want the same level of commitment or can handle the vows of a marriage then you have to do it on your terms. Not because she guilted you into it with children or because of some BS (Probably) like she didn't feel as loved anymore.
     
  20. hypotenuse

    hypotenuse New Member

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    Try to find the positive in this shitty situation. So if yall decide to stay together, you get a free pass to cheat.
     
  21. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :ugh:

    bullshit.

    if this means he has a "free pass to cheat" then THAT means that he doesn't have a right to be mad that she did it.
     
  22. souri4life

    souri4life Durka Durka Baboosh

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    This wasn't really necessary...

    To the op:
    I'm sorry about your situation. I have been cheated on before in a fairly serious relationship, thankfully there were no kids involved so my decision was a lot easier than yours. :hs:
     
  23. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    actually it was

    and this seems to say you agree with the message, if not the actual words
     
  24. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    :ugh:

    Wtf is wrong with some of you people?
     
  25. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    This is the only place they can pretend their relationship is actually half decent, by putting down other people
     

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