SRS Very messy divorce

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JS1, Sep 30, 2006.

  1. JS1

    JS1 sup

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    I've been married 13 years and I never would have thought I would be getting divorced.

    I've written several pages on my blog at myspace. In this post I'll give you the Reader's Digest version:

    We have three boys ages 7, 9 and 11. I was 19 and she was 20 when we married, and we had dated for two years. It was great at first but things slowly deteriorated.

    The last two years were very difficult at work and my wife kept going on shopping sprees (she doesn't have a job and refuses to get one). Here I was, working my ass off, while my freeloading wife spent it all, and that made me mad. I tried to press on but collapsed into an emotional breakdown and I did and said some things I shouldn't have.

    Last February my wife filed for divorce. We had been separated for four months and done a lot of talking over the phone, and I was expecting the divorce to be amicable. She filed a motion asking the Family Court to award her spousal support, saying that what I was giving her was not enough.

    The freeloading bitch claimed that she needed $4,946 a month in living expenses, which is almost double the budget that I had given her (and the money I was voluntarily giving her during the separation). She won approximately $5,200 a month in spousal support. I think the judge must have been retarded, because that's more than my take-home pay.

    The next few months she would talk to me a little but it was like 1% of what it used to be. I quickly figured out that her attorney told her not to talk to me.

    I was already $35,000 in credit card debt thanks to her ($15,000 worth of furniture, $1,000 for Christmas presents, etc.) In order to satisfy this outrageous court order as well as paying my own living expenses, I had to borrow shitloads of money on my generous credit lines. By June I was $70,000 in debt and I sold my car (had no car payment).

    When she bitched that she would have to drive the kids to my apartment for visitation (among other stupid complaints), I gave up all hope of ever paying this debt off, so I figured I may as well finance a car and a motorcycle now while I have the chance, so now I'm $94,000 in debt.

    Starting in July I paid only the child support and not the alimony (the kids don't deserve to starve to death, and most of the court order is alimony). A few weeks ago the state of South Carolina charged me with contempt of court. I showed the judge my pay stubs to show that I can't afford fucking $3,500 a month in alimony, but it didn't matter ... he sentenced me to six months jail! I couldn't believe it.

    Luckily my kind mother bailed me out after five days, but now I'm $107,000 in debt as a result. When my wife found out I was in jail for five days she didn't care.

    Some of the other inmates in the jail suggested that it would be cheaper to have her bumped off. While this is true, that would be really wrong and I would probably end up in prison for the rest of my life.

    I had a terrible lawyer at first and fired her. Now I have a good lawyer but there's only so much you can do in the fucked up South Carolina Family Court system.

    We tried mediation but the selfish bitch didn't do anything to reach an agreement.

    I hope I can get a trial date soon because the state will charge me with contempt of court again in two or three months. This time, however, I'm going to be prepared. Last time I didn't even do the dishes before the hearing. Next time I will do the dishes so that when the apartment people break down the door, it won't smell bad. I'll also pre-pay my car and motorcycle payments so they won't get re-possessed.

    Yeah, I could borrow another $11,000 from my mother, but I need to make a stand for once. I would rather go to jail than to continue funding my wife's spending habits. I know I majorly fucked up last fall, but she isn't exactly perfect herself, and her reaction is way overkill in my opinion. What kind of selfish bitch sends her hard-working husband to jail (and shrugs about it afterwards) because he doesn't make enough money for her?

    My advice to men: 1) don't get married; 2) if you do and you cheat, don't admit it! Deny, deny, deny!!!

    :rl:
     
  2. smithers

    smithers OT Supporter

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    man.. that is so seriously fucked up. i'm entirely with you.. i find it incredibly hard to believe that court would bring you to this kind of predicament. i mean six figures in debt isn't particularly easy to shake off, especially when it was started by her :noes:

    best wishes to you.. i really hope karma kicks in soon enough, that bitch is the one who belongs in jail. best of luck to you :hs:
     
  3. smithers

    smithers OT Supporter

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    i don't see how court could haved deemed this a legitimate expense for you to pay in the first place..
     
  4. JS1

    JS1 sup

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    They did. The judge at the contempt hearing said that the alimony was pretty high, but there was nothing he could do about it (true, only a trial or an appeal could change it). I don't understand why he had to throw me in jail. I could have done community service. Oh well.

    I suspect it was because my affadavit was pretty crummy, thanks to my crummyass ex-lawyer. I'm looking forward to a trial where I hope to beat the crap out of my wife's case.
     
  5. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    No offnse, but your wife doesnt work. She doesnt have the same resources as you to make money, because 1) shes been out of the workforce for so long
    2) she has to raise YOUR children because you were not given custody. She also has to pay for her children's living expenses, health care, etc. while YOU are in jail.
    3) she has to take the children to school in the mornings, and put them to bed at night, so even if she DOES get a job, chances are it would be a minimum wage shit job.

    The way I look at it is this: you may be in debt, but youre a bachelor. You have your own place, and you dont have to come home to 3 screaming boys every nite. You can go shopping with your extra money because you earn some. You can even start dating again without having to deal with introducing them to your children. Basically, youre a free man. Your ex on the other hand, has to deal with those issues, and go through the strain of divorce, AND try to put food on the table cus you obviously are contesting the support amount.

    Your wife did not "freeload" off of you for 13 years, rather she did the other half of division of labour to keep your house running. Yea she spent money on clothes, but she gave birth to your children, raised them and maintained a home. When a man and woman divorce, there is no partnership to maintain that original division of labour.

    Your marraige may have fallen apart, but my guess is your standard of living is NOT as bad as your ex and your 3 childrens' is. Your support payment amounts were set so "high" so that your children can eat dinner and have clothes to wear. Stop complaining.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2006
  6. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Oh you must have missed the part where he foolishly admitted to being a male.
    The courts are very, very sexist in matters like this.

    This entire thing is very, very wrong.
     
  7. JS1

    JS1 sup

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    A minimum wage shit job would be better than nothing. She refuses to contribute to the household expenses.

    Hello, the court awarded her $5,200 a month! Her standard of living is that of a rich bitch. And since when do three children require five grand to eat dinner and have clothes to wear? We live in South Carolina, not Fifth Avenue Manhattan.

    My standard of living, if I paid as much of the court order as I could, would be worse than that of the homeless. They're at zero; I'm negative.
     
  8. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Yeah Big 1.
    A man is ONLY worthy as a wallet. I mean, why should this guy be able to eat? You know, if you are lucky he won't commit suicide.

    God I hate asses like Big 1. Men deserve far, far more respect then just walking wallets. I mean, of course the kids deserve support. But this isn't about the guy keeping a lifestyle. He said that the judgement was for more then his take home pay in a month.
    That is very possible. Judgements are often based on what you make before taxes. Hence the judge says you owe 50% of your pay but what he really means is 50% before taxes. You end up with like 20% of your pay.
    What happens when the guy can't eat?
    How is he supposed to be ther for the kids then?

    You know, his cheating was probably warranted. This woman sounds like a real selfish piece of work. I have nothing but contempt and hatred for the bitch.
     
  9. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Not to mention that child support is supposed to put food in there mouths and clothes on there backs. Spousal support is so the woman can have jewelry.

    Don't worry about this Big 1. The guy is an ass.
     
  10. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    So he should have to pay her $63k a year because she's fucking lazy and refuses to get a job? Child support and alimony are two different things, do you understand that? You act like she's entitled to this money because she was married and has a vagina. The marriage is over, she's entitled to nothing from him. He should contribute child support, nothing else, it's not his job to take care of her anymore. She's an able bodied person who (no offense to the OP) sounds like a materialistic, lazy, cunt.
     
  11. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    Jesus christ....
     
  12. uptown josh

    uptown josh Active Member

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    Oh Jesus you have to go be a female... :ugh:
     
  13. smithers

    smithers OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  14. Diesel Fumes

    Diesel Fumes Guest

    Your story makes me never wanna get married :ugh:

    Sorry to hear
     
  15. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    i AM a female by the way. And the arguements that you guys have made against me are based on the assumption that a man has the same financial resources to get a job as a women does.
    As stated above, the woman is restricted from earning anywhere near the ex because she has full custody of the children, and because of the glass ceiling, the pink collar workforce, and the gendered "male breadwinner ideal" that america likes to push.
    A woman with children to take care of, is doubly in trouble of getting a good job, because she is restricted to the type of work she can make and is restricted by her gender.
    A woman is NOT capable of climbing the work ladder the same way a man is, because she is bound by her homemaking responsibilities, politics, beaurocracy, and the glass ceiling.she has been out of the workforce for so long, while the husband has not suffered a severe loss of his career resources- only now, his money must be funneled in a specific direction.

    The woman did not get pregnant by herself. When a man and a woman get married, the man accepts responsibility of her and their future children. The money you pay if you CHOSE to divorce is the direct consequence of choices made in the past.
     
  16. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Big 1.
    You only respect a man for his wallet.
    That is your problem.
    You have no respect at all for what a man can bring to a childs life beyond money. Just like a kid needs a mother to grow into a happy normal adult a kid also needs a father.

    I still think you are an ass. Just cause you are a women doesn't protect you from that. Maybe if you would learn to show some respect to the other gender you wouldn't come off like that.
    Us men are taught to show women respect from a young age. You apparently lack that sort of influence. Stop being a hater.
     
  17. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Tell me about it. I have a woman pushing the marriage agenda on me right now. I read this and my balls shrunk to 1/4 there normal size. I be scared.
     
  18. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Women like you are the reason it doesn't make financial sense for a male to get married in todays society. You sound like a complete golddigger with huge sense of entitlement simply because you are a woman.
     
  19. smithers

    smithers OT Supporter

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    freeloading is also a choice she didn't have to make
     
  20. surlybot

    surlybot you cool maaaaaaannn?

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    Jesus, sounds like you married a real piece of shit.

    Sorry man.
     
  21. surlybot

    surlybot you cool maaaaaaannn?

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    Flowers smell pretty.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2006
  22. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    you SHOULD have gotten in a ton of trouble. While you meant to use the term as a slang term, rape for women is no joke, it is no word to be taken lightly.
    you are a man, and therefore you see the world differently then women do. While you can feel sympathetic towards us for some issues, you will never walk through this world with a woman's body or a woman's brain. There are certain benefits society gives men just BECAUSE they are men. Courts dont usually award men the sole custody for a reason...and it has to do with the male-as -breadwinner ideaology.
    Same thing as if you are white, you can smypithize with racial issues, but until you walk the earth as a black person you will never understand what it feels like to be "less than" a white MALE.
    The woman gets the children in most divorce cases while the man can continue his bachelors life; leaving the woman to take care of the children, while making substantially less (if any) money than the man.and oftern times, just because the woman and ther children are awarded money set by the court, often times he doesnt pay enough money; if any money at all.
     
  23. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    I would also love to she the desicion/ruling of your divorce judegement, and read the dissertation made by the judge. Im sure he/she followed an arguement similar to the one ive made here?
    I am curious to see how the judge arrived at his/her decision and the spousal/support amouints he/she set.
     
  24. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Forgive me if you have heard this story before. I know I have told it here already.

    I have a friend that has Diabetes. I think it is called 'Type 1', childhood onset Diabetes. This means that it is genetic.
    You know how people with diabetes are often very, very overweight? Well this guy was built like a brickhouse. Seriously. He works out all the damn time. Not an ounce of fat on him.
    I asked him about it one day. He explained to me that for most people the disease is caused by being overwieght and the disease can ultimately be controlled by controlling your weight. He said he wasn't so lucky. It was all genetic with him.
    For a guy whose body is literally eating itself from the inside out he has a great attitude.

    And also a kid to a woman who is a complete nutcase.

    This guy takes home less then I do. He pays more money for his drug copays then what I pay per month for rent.
    Let me say that again.
    Every month a significant amount of my money goes to rent. He pays a greater sum of that money for DRUGS THAT ARE REQUIRED FOR HIM TO STAY ALIVE.
    He only comes up with money for child support, rent, food and transportation AFTER he PAYS FOR DRUGS THAT KEEP HIM FROM GOING INTO A COMA AND DYING.

    The guy lived in a one room efficiency.

    After all this his head was on straight. I am not sure if mine would have been. I can only hope I would be as good of a person in a similar predictament.
    He paid his child support FIRST and his medication SECOND.

    He could barely afford to live.

    You want to talk about lifestyles? His ex was living a lifestyle like I live (at least, maybe better she had a boyfriend on the side).
    This guy was trying to figure out how to eat every month.

    Then came the clincher.
    She wanted her kids to go to a private school.
    See, we don't live in the inner city. Our public schools are just fine. I live only a dozen miles from the public school that would serve his kids. There is no logical reason why those schools are not good enough.
    She wanted him to pay for half.

    He thought it was rediculous. HE WASN'T EATING AS IT WAS.

    He went to the courts with all of his monthly bills. Showed the judge his medical bills. The judge didn't care. The kid now goes to an expensive private school.

    So don't start crying to me like a little baby about how unfair life is missy. YOU DON'T KNOW UNFAIR. YOU WOULDN'T KNOW UNFAIR IF IT BIT YOU IN THE ASS.

    LET ME SAY IT AGAIN. BIG 1, mod edit; show some love :hs:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 16, 2006
  25. B4 I FU R U 18

    B4 I FU R U 18 Active Member

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    god damn that is sick. i feel sorry for you man. best of luck
     

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