trust me, i feel like a complete ass for putting this in the asylum thread, but i knew this is one of the few places i could get serious responses. despite my #2 post count, ive been a longtime member of this place and couldnt remember my name/password, so i had to subscribe and make another. ANYWAY, here's the situation: i live with 3 girls (yes, im female, so dont freak out). ive been here the longest out of everyone, and im very close to two of them. theyre like my sisters and we all feel comfortable between eachother to go into another's room if we ever need anything. there's one girl (we'll call her "nancy") that i've always gotten along well with, but have never been super close to. i never really got to know her well, but i would still go into her room to grab things like medicine, or dvds that i wanted to watch, or whatever random stuff just because i felt comfortable doing so. this past summer, my ipod broke. i was working at this awful bike rental shop where i would sit for hours on end alone, waiting for someone to walk up and rent a bike. nevermind that i was addicted to music, my ipod was the only thing that could keep me going in that place. i noticed that "nancy" had 2 ipods- 1 nano, and another video ipod that she never used. i turned it on and noticed she didnt have any songs so i figured it would be no big deal if i put my favorite songs on it and took it to work with me that day. i did this for about a few weeks- take the ipod, upload my songs, go to work, delete my songs, and put it back in her room. i knew that id be better off if i just asked her for permission, but i knew i wasnt doing any real harm, so i never really thought twice about this. there was a few days where i was so busy that i didn't have time to put the ipod back into her room. one morning, she was packing for a camping trip and noticed that her ipod was missing. i was the only other person awake so she asked me about it. i immediately froze up and freaked out, and acted like i had no knowledge of it, which in retrospect was totally stupid of me!! as soon as she left for her trip, i put the ipod back where it was supposed to be, and went about my merry way. when she came back, she mentioned that she had found it again, and never said anything further. all this happened back in july, mind you.... and since then i told myself i'd never pull dumb shit like that again. she started becoming more withdrawn, put a lock on her door, and never hung out with the rest of us anymore. but she still acted totally normal to my face. i never put 2 and 2 together, so i figured she was depressed about something unrelated or just felt like she couldnt hang out with us without feeling weird (she is 29 living with a bunch of 22-23 yr olds, afterall). then this weekend, everything was answered for me. it was one of my roommate's birthday's this weekend (noel, who im closest to). "nancy" was in her room and pulled noel in to tell her that she felt uncomfortable coming out to hang out because she thought people were going through her room. after everyone left, noel told me what nancy had said, and i immediately knew that this whole "withdrawal" thing was because of me. i went to nancy the next morning and talked to her about it. she said she knew the entire time that i was the one taking her ipod because i had unknowingly deleted 2 videos she had on there. she had to get a file recovery system to get them back and noticed a bunch of songs on there that she never heard of. she snuck onto my computer and found the same songs. she never came to me or mentioned anything to the roommates because she was "afraid of rocking the boat". i never wouldve guessed that she was upset with me because of the way she so easily hid it from me. anyway, i confessed, and she *seemed* understanding but how well can you trust someone that is too scared to confront someone for 5 months over what they know they did? she also started to bring other stuff up... when she first moved in she had a $250 printer delivered here and left it on the porch for a few days. i remember seeing it, but suddenly it was gone one day. she also found a purple keychain with our school's logo on one of her dressers and brought it up during the same conversation. i've never seen the thing in my life, but i wouldnt be surprised if it were hers and didn't remember it (because she has sooo much crap she's always losing track of). she also said there were two bottles of wine missing from her room. i dont expect her to take my word for it, but other than the ipod thing, i have no involvement in anything else that went "missing". ive told the other roommates the situation, and they agree that what i did was wrong- theyre like my sisters and they know what kind of person i truly am. there's a big difference between what i did and outright stealing somebody's stuff to sell or for keeps. my issue now is this: there's nothing i can say to make nancy believe that i have no involvement in these other "cases", but it isnt fair for her to have to live in a house where she's always scared of someone (me) taking her stuff.... but on the same token, it isnt fair for me to always be the one to blame anytime she misplaces/loses something. i know thats not the kind of person i am, and if i was then i wouldnt be taking this so hard right now. she already said she wouldnt move out, but from what you've read..... should i?