Very basic relationship question

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by RyeLou, Oct 15, 2006.

  1. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I'm 23. Up until a little less than 2 months ago I had been in a relationship for a little over 2.5 years and that relationship started in a very unorthodox way. Our relationship was fine and all, we just agreed it was best not to be together and we're both happy with that decision. Anyhow, my question doesn't have to do with that. Being that I've been out of 'the game' for quite some time, I forgot how the fuck to approach certain situations! The one question I was really curious about is asking someone out. I'm not talking on a date or to hang out, I'm talking to be in an exclusive comitted boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Do you have to actually pose a question or at some point is it just assumed? Or does it usually end up just coming up in conversation either way? I figured there was something that someone had to say, and usually the male to the female I'm sure...but how do you phrase that question? I'm over analyzing everything per my usual, but figured I could find some help.

    Seems a bit childish I know, but I'm curious. There is definitely a girl I'm interested in and we've hung out a few times and am pretty sure the feeling is mutual, but don't know how to go about getting it to that next step as far as this goes.
     
  2. ptwiggens

    ptwiggens New Member

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    If you hang out with a girl more than once or twice a week... she pretty much will become your girlfriend. Girls will fit into the roles you put them in... if you allow her to take on the responsibilities and normal behaviors of being a gf... she'll become one. At that point it is pretty much assumed... and she'll probably bring it up first. A girl will not be your gf without a title because she will want to make sure that you're exclusive. As for girls who you want to ask out BEFORE you get to know them... i'm sure someone else can help out.
     
  3. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    PLEASE don't ask her to be your girlfriend. Make her EARN your exclusivity. I have never outright told my LTR that I'm not seeing other women. Every time she brings it up I evade somehow. This gives her a little bit of the drama that chicks need.

    If she thinks she is 100% in control of the situation she will get BORED.
     
  4. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I don't know if I agree with making her "earn" my exclusivity. I'm not one to play games or anything. It seems like if you were always evasive about the question then neither of you would ever really know what was going on between the two of you...at least not for quite some time until your relationship became 'long term'.

    I do agree that if you start hanging out at least once or twice a week I think something like that is bound to come up in conversation. I'm just not sure if that's the way I'd like to approach this.

    I guess this isn't so much a question for someone else to answer as it is for me to answer.
     
  5. low20

    low20 Member

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    theres no right way to do it man....id say that if you think its come to the point where shes basically acting as your GF, then you just ask her...soo...u wannabe boyfriend girlfreidn? not in that way of course, thats pretty 8th grade right there haha, but you know what i mean. if you just assume that she thinks your going out, things can get sticky...u might find her with another guy and be quite suprised when she says that you were never exclusive...make sure you both know whats goin on...and no mind games
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    qft
     
  7. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    All that is exactly why I asked this. Personally I prefer to have things a little more concrete then just assuming whatever I'd like to. And that's why I asked about suggestions on phrasing or ideas because "Wanna be my girlfriend?" doesn't cut it after middle school, haha. Maybe I'll just do what you said at first and when it gets there (and hopefully it does) just bring it up casually.

    My worry is that she'll be let down with just bringing it up though. I may be generalizing and stereotyping a bit, but girls make a big deal about all the "firsts". First kiss, first time you have sex, asking them to marry you, etc. I just don't want to casually bring it up in conversation only for her to be like, "ohhh, yeah that's fine" or something of that nature.

    So with all this in mind, is there an Over-Analyzing Crew on OT? haha, I'm sure I'd fit right in
     
  8. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    So you agree with that?

    My problem with it is this. A) you never really know and B) I don't feel anyone in a relationship should have to earn anything from their partner. I feel the whole basis of a relationship is a 50/50 split of everything, and no one person should have to earn anything from the other. I realize this is all personal opinion, but I can't do it that way myself.
     
  9. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I'm suprised it hasn't been mentioned yet, but in almost every "relationship" i've been in with a girl, I have gotten the "What are we?" question. Usually through text messages.
     
  10. TigerWoodsJr

    TigerWoodsJr LSX Elitist Prick

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    when the time is right just ask her if she would like to be your gf and have her circle yes/no on the bottom of the paper, its easy. I was seriously outside of the paper though....
     
  11. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    haha, I like the usually through text messages. We're pretty big into that as I'm guessing most people are. I'd really prefer it not to happen there, but if it works it works. That is like I was saying though is that it might just come to a point where it just comes up naturally. Is that the easiest route to go? My problem is I'm impatient...which can become an even bigger problem if I'm not careful. However, I've paid a lot of attention to it this time around as to not screw anythign up. I actually like her quite a bit :hsd:
     
  12. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    See that's something I could see myself actually doing just to be funny. I never thought of something quite like that before, but she has a good sense of humor.
     
  13. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    When a woman asks me that through a text message, I ignore it. That isn't the type of thing I want to talk about through a text message.
     
  14. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

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    I agree. If she sent me that text message if nothing else I would probably just call her to discuss it over the phone assuming I couldn't see her within a reasonable amount of time.
     
  15. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Here's the deal.

    Women don't care about what's fair, and whats equitable. They want to FEEL something when they are with you. Notice I didn't say that they always want to feel GOOD. Chicks are hooked on emotions and drama. If you don't create some drama for her every once in a while they will create it themselves, and then you are stuck reacting to her BS.

    You are still thinking like a MAN. Stable, fair, predictable, BORING. Women want DRAMA, excitement, emotions. Their emotions are like a cork in the ocean and that's how they like it.

    A) You never really know: Know what? That's the point. If she spends all kinds of time thinking about whether or not she has you all to herself she is INVESTING in your relationship. All that time she spends thinking about you cranks up her attraction to you. ESPECIALLY if she thinks you're out fucking other women. Don't get me wrong, you would never tell her that you are out fucking other women, you just wouldn't 'put her mind at ease'.

    B)Earning: Why shouldn't she have to earn your exclusivity? You are the fucking man. Any girl would die to have a chance with you. There is a line-up of 50 girls behind her, so if she messes up, you next her and try again. This is the attitude you MUST have to be successful with women. Again, you never TELL her this, but if you feel it is true it will come across in your subcommunication. If she is giving you BS you handle it much differently than if you thought you NEEDED her. Oh and make sure it's true. BE the fucking man, don't just think it. Improve yourself daily.
     
  16. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Though not through text messages for me, always been face to face. If it was through a text message I'd ignore it like you did, discussing "important" stuff over a text message :rofl:
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    again, you are expecting her to react like a man would. If she uses txt in that situation, its because she is scared of rejection and wants to lessen her exposure to it.

    Because if she is asking where they stand, she isn't really sure, but she's hopeful she will become his girlfriend.
     
  18. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    How many times do we have to repeat:
    -'Discussing' the relationship is generally a waste of time.
    -Logical conversation about a relationship is pointless.
     
  19. afterShock81

    afterShock81 If I could only have one food for the rest of my l

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    good advice to follow, especially if you've ever got friendzoned by some chick(me).
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    the best part of the whole post imo is the "improve yourself daily."

    Most of us don't do that. You should always strive to become better in some way. Over the short term it isn't noticeable, but over a long period of time it makes all the difference in the world.
     

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