SRS VENTING/ what the fuck do I DO?\girlfriend.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mrscruffles, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. mrscruffles

    mrscruffles New Member

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    OK, so i started dating this new girl after my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me, it had been going down hill for a long time, and i just didnt want to end it.

    This new girl is/was married to this guy so she could get her papers done (they had a relationship before they got married) she was misserable with him and hated living with him because there was no relationship anymore. so she left him to be with me, moved out and back into her aunts house. after being with her for about a month we were completely inlove with each other it was/is amazing.

    Now comes a twist.

    we have now been together for almost four months she still talks to the Ex because she kinda need to remain friends with him. he was shitfaced the other night and decided to tell her how much he still loves her and cant do anything, he is depressed and everything will change im sorry i was so cold and blah blah blah.....

    now she just told me that she is in love with both of us, and doesnt know what to do.... awsome that makes me feel fucking WONDERFULL....

    i fucking love this girl more than anyone else i have ever been with, she means the world to me and i would do anything to be with her. i know that may sound strange since we have only been together for 4 months but its the truth.

    i dont know what to do. i told her to call me when she figures out what she wants to do and she said that she doesnt want to do that because she wants to be with me, but at the same time still loves this other guy and doesnt really know what to do.

    my heart tells me to wait and stick it out, i fucking love this girl.
    my brain tells me to say fuck it its not worth the heart ache...

    i dont know why i am going to post this because i dont think anything will help me make up my mind, but i want to know what you guys would do. or if you have any advice.

    im sorry this was so long but i had to try and get it off my chest. thank you for reading.
     
  2. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    if she is married leave her the hell alone until the ink dries on the papers.

    If she is divorced leave her alone because is obviously too screwed up to carry on a meaningful relationship.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    In my opinion, getting involved with her while she was/is still married was a mistake.

    And honestly...you're fucked. I can almost guarantee that this woman will not commit to either of you. She is still with/in love the ex because she is getting something from him...either money, emotional support, whatever. It's the same reason she likes you too...she is getting something from you.

    However, the fact that she won't fully commit to either of you shows that she is unwilling to give up what she is getting from both of you.

    So..she's using you both. It's not fair.

    Dump her. No girl is worth being with if you have to share her with another guy.
     
  4. She's using you, now dump her and move on. She's with the other guy for papers and with you for god knows what, but it's time to move on.
     
  5. mrscruffles

    mrscruffles New Member

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    damn, i had a feeling i would get these answers, but i dont want to hear it.
    everytime i listen to my head, i fuck myself over, if i listened to it i would have drank over this last night. (14 months sober)
     
  6. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    :hug:

    It sounds jaded but seriously- there are other people out there. I've had a couple of SOs I thought I would never, ever, ever get over- but you will.
     
  7. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Getting involved with someone who's still married is never good. Doesn't even matter if they don't live with their husband anymore. It's not good. I was in your situation not too long ago, and you know what? I got royally screwed. Still getting over it.

    You need to end it, straight up. She is using you.
     
  8. Billy Nee

    Billy Nee New Member

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    Well, I think you should take better care of her than ever, make her realize that you are the one and only one. At the same time, you must state clearly that you cannot share her with another guy.
     
  9. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    Do you really need the angst?
    Do you really need to be with someone who is onbiously vaciliating with her emotions?
    Do you really need the crap?
    Going thru divorce is traumatic I should think. Sure, sure it's nice to have a soft place to fall, but what's going to happen after all the ink is dried on the divorce papers?
    Too many variables.
    But being in love is a heady experience.
    Hmmm...conundrum.
    You know, you always have the option of just distancing yourself, giving someone space, let them do what they gotta do, and see where the chips fall.
    Hmmm...she says she loves you and she still loves him? Ya, ya, there must have been some love (or lusty love) there in the first place, after all they DID tie the knot. My best guess is that she just can't leave and put a lid on it.
    Meanwhile, back at the ranch, you are left wondering wtf? and are in angst, all a miserable heap, while waiting for this woman to sort out her emotional dramas and all of that stuff.
    So, after thinking out loud for the past 3 minutes, I think I'd do the distance thing, look around, take care of myself, peek at what's on the other side of the fence and get on with my life. It it's meant to happen, it will happen.
     
  10. lycorisdew

    lycorisdew New Member

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    jus cuz u love her doesnt mean it'll work man. if something so small as that makes her reconsider then theres a problem. it sux to drop the relationship even if u still love her but if u keep at this i c u settin urself up for a big fall.
     
  11. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I have to say, you brought this on yourself and should have seen it coming.

    1) She married a guy to get her papers done. In other words, she didnt really care about him.

    2) After she got her papers done, she decided she got bored and decided to play around a bit.

    She's not in love with either of you, she just loves jerking men's chains. You obviously have some sort of self-esteem issues if you would even consider a girl like she demonstrated herself to be.

    She was married and dating you. That's the most clear sign I've ever seen that she's not steady relationship material. The most you could have ever expected from her was sex.
     
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I don't think you will listen to me at all, but you really only have ONE CHOICE. Tell her that you WILL NOT date or see another girl who is interested in two different guys. She loves you? BULLSHIT my friend. That is not how love works. If she truly loves you then you would be enough for her. The fact is that she DOESN'T love you because if she did this wouldn't ever have popped up.

    If you stay, she will choose the other guy. In the process it will be her ending it with you which will make things hurt you that much more. She'll probably even drag you along for awhile until they get stronger and she choses him completely.

    You have one choice. End it with her. Tell her you will not date someone who is not 100% devoted to you. What this does is it shows her that YOU ARE SOMEBODY. It shows that you are a MAN. You are a guy who respects himself too much to be manipulated and used by some scandalous ho. This kind of Self Respect is very attractive. Oh sure, she will likely run to him for a short time but then she'll come to really regret what walked away from her and will come back, but she will have fooled around and/or fucked this guy if she hasn't again already. Personally, I'd end it now and forever. She'd have blown her chance with me.

    However what I suspect you will do is cling harder, which will inevitably, like it always does, cause her to run away harder and faster. Good luck bro. I hope you locate your nuts and do the right thing rather than show you're a puppet to be manipulated.

    Oh, and BTW... she's not a victim here. It's not all this guys fault. She is making a CONSCIOUS DECISION on her own. This guy merely presented her with the option and SHE'S considering it. He has no power over her that she doesn't WILLINGLY give.
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That is the worst thing you could have done. What you just told her was, "I'm too pathetic to realize that I am being used and cheated on. I have ZERO Self Respect because I am sitting here as a helpless victim of the situation. I have no life and no other options for a relationship other than you because if I did then why would I sit here and do nothing but let this happen? Call me please when you decide whether or not you would like to give my pathetic ass another chance, I'll still be here because I can give two shits about my own happiness."

    Do not do this my friend. Take control of your life. Do not let her be in control of you with this, "call me if you decide you want me" victim crap. YOU take control of YOUR LIFE and leave.
     
  14. deviant critter

    deviant critter New Member

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    she's either honestly confused or a total bitch using both you and her ex. personally i always wind up giving people the benefit of the doubt. i also always wind up burned, but...what the hell, right? nothing ventured nothing gained.
    if you feel that strongly about her, you'll probably wind up wondering if things could have gone differently if you end it. i guess just tell her exactly how you feel and ask her to chose. if she's smart she'll chose you cuz she'll know that people never really change like they say they will, first rule of...everything, i guess *shrug*
    oh and explain she can't have you both. in case that is somehow not clear already.
     
  15. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    worst advice ever

    you already have all the information you need. You dont need to to straight out tell you that she's using you to figure out that she's using you
     
  16. deviant critter

    deviant critter New Member

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    lol...at least i admitted i gets burned
     
  17. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    yep, you did. Maybe you should read some of the advice in this thread and apply it to yourself ;)
     
  18. Restating what I said before. Move on.
     
  19. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That's why. You aren't respecting your own feelings enough and you are always trying to be too fair to everyone else. What about being fair to you? If you don't make some changes you will continue to be burnt over and over. Eventually you will hit a breaking point.
     
  20. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Nothing will change in that relationship for her for a long time. He will change for a short period of time and then he will go back to his old ways. Anything for a short fix to get her to come back home.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    As others have mentioned you need to not mess with her until that divorce is final and she is sure she is over that guy. True, it totally sucks for you. But if she really loves you and wants to be with you she will get her shit finalized and come back to you. Good luck.
     
  22. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    She's a smart woman - I see this all the time. Here she is putting in 50% effort into two different men, and you are both giving 100% (so 200% total) back to her. You're getting screwed, and she's using you.

    This is the type of woman you dump and never speak to again.

    If she really loved you, she'd never risk talking to her ex like that, because a mature and self-respecting man would have dumped her on the spot. I sure as shit would have, and that is a lesson you have to learn to be able to respect yourself, and have other people respect you.

    Until you do that, you will likely be screwed over by many people and many women.
     

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