SRS Venting over girls

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by swedishstar, Jun 18, 2009.

  1. swedishstar

    swedishstar Active Member

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    Not sure why I am typing this other than I guess I need to :shrug:

    I haven't been out of a relationship all that long-- it ended quite a while ago though, really. I have been on the hunt. The EX and I remain best friends. It just wasn't working out for the time being.

    I know what I want in a female, SO, :blah:

    I have had a couple girls I have talked to...It just doesn't seem like I can capitalize on them. Both are, to me, incredible attractive, smart, classy, etc. One just graduated, one will be in grad school.

    One of them I would flirt with, she would flirt back, somewhat dirty while talking on facebook. We would see each other in classes, etc. We went out to lunch. Seems like directly after that, the possibility tanked :shrug:

    Another one I met back in January at a resturant/bar. We had gone to high school together and never met. We hit it off/flirted. We talked online (dirty as hell too), etc. She came into town for a couple of weeks, we hung out like every day for the first week. Did a ton of fun stuff. She would text me stuff like "flashes of last night keep running through my mind" ... "I wish you were here" ... "I wanna spend as much time as possible with you"... Really like the girl :hs: Wound up hooking up, a lot. Then after we had a little chat and I told her I wasn't just interested in the 2-week long summer romance, it dropped off. Well, I was honest...right? I sent her a text, I said..."did I do something?" .... "I just have a phobia of commitment - her" (She got out of a relationship back in feb). So that night she sent me a text and then we hung out again. Laughed, had fun, thought everything was smooth. From then on, I have hardly heard from her or seen her. She was texting me off the hook. Now, nothing. Even if I send.

    I feel like other than school, I am going nowhere socially. No great friends (I guess I am working on that, but still feel like I am having for force myself in) and piss poor skills with women. The fuck do I do? I'm really pissed that I even bothered with this girl...and allowed myself to get my hopes up. She is the girl that I see that one time and know I could have a good time with her...in every aspect. to clarify: i am not putting a halo around this girl. I just meant that she seemed like that kind of girl...the one I couldn't pick out a flaw

    :hs:

    Someone hit me with the cane of socialite...i'm fucking sick of being the guy in the corner.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2009
  2. swedishstar

    swedishstar Active Member

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    Any advice?
     
  3. disley

    disley Ooooh no it isn't. Ooooh yes it is. OT Supporter

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    You're being to critical of yourself, you do fine with women.
     
  4. swedishstar

    swedishstar Active Member

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    :dunno:

    I have felt like this forever. My interactions with people have not always been spot-on, and I seemingly miss out on friendships etc because I can be a tool. I donno.
     
  5. disley

    disley Ooooh no it isn't. Ooooh yes it is. OT Supporter

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    We always make mistakes with other people, we push away true friends and hang out with users, it's something you have to work at, it's not only you who does it.
    If your looking for a women for a permanent relationship it'll happen if you let it.
     
  6. swedishstar

    swedishstar Active Member

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    :rofl: The 2-week probably was a user that I painted as being "super." She had all these stories about how her ex was so mean to her. I don't really doubt it. Many nights I was out on the town, he was at the same bar, plastered. But stilll... :squint:

    I think you're right. I just feel like I am running low on hope right now, and just a bit too impatient.

    And yeah, I only want a permanent relationship. I hate superficial, lets date just cause we can things. I wouldn't mind it if it were just a meet a person, you are already kind of friends things, but drama seems to just ensue :dunno:
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2009
  7. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    why would you tell any girl you aren't interested in a 2 week long relationship? how did you know it wouldn't turn into more than that? I understand your logic but never count it out you never know what can happen, and chics that are afraid of commitment can and will change their mind if they meet the right guy.
     
  8. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    This is actually a good thing, if he knew it wasn't going to work for him.. why drag it out and wait and see? That would be very immature on his part. That is how much fucked up relationships start.
     
  9. swedishstar

    swedishstar Active Member

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    Because she doesn't live here. She just graduated and has 3 jobs lined up in 3 different towns. I don't think she wants to be around her parents, so home is out. That leaves 2- 3 and 6 hours away. I have a job that I am basically the only person that can do what I do. I get paid well, but I am on call 24/7, and I really don't mind it. I love being around the person I work with.

    As much as I think she is baller and have enjoyed talking to her since Jan, i'm really trying to watch out for myself. I let girls trample all over me, and I was trying to cut anything off at the pass. If she was down, I think she would have reciprocated that :dunno:

    I feel much better today.
     
  10. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Women don't like men who want commitment, just men who are willing to tolerate commitment. Same reason why women don't like men who want to be monogamous, just men who are willing to be monogamous in exchange for regular sex. It gives women the flexibility they want to find a mate they really like -- you can just imagine how hard it would be to find an attractive hookup if both men and women had long "dry spells", which is why men don't have "dry spells" unless they're recovering from abuse.

    From the chain of events it's obvious that the comment about "I don't just want a hookup" is what killed it. Might've been better to ask where she thought it was going, "just so I know what to expect", or something like that. It would've gotten her thinking about it without knowing there was the potential to disappoint you.
     
  11. swedishstar

    swedishstar Active Member

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    I think you're an absolute troll in the car forum. :rofl:


    On the other hand, I am punching myself in the mouth for not thinking about it like this. Thanks for this advice.

    In reality, I should be able to roll with the tide...and be flexible...just like what you're saying. It seems like finding a great girl involves much of this process.

    She is still sketchy though :( Like, she kissed me when I dropped her off at home and she was leaving for home home. Haven't heard from her since. Even left a message saying "Hey, you said you were getting sick. Just calling to see how you were doing. I just got over some rough stuff too. Bye."
     
  12. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Well, I wish I had some more useful advice for you, but unfortunately that's as far as I've figured it out myself. Good luck.
     
  13. Kafka

    Kafka New Member

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    You're kinda stereotyping women AND men though, i mean i know your statements could apply to a decent portion of both sexes but i think you'd be surprised at women who may actually want a guy who wants commitment and vice versa.
     
  14. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Yes, stereotypes don't apply to everyone, this one included -- but most stereotypes do apply to most people under most circumstances, which is why they persist.

    Anyway, I'm talking about instinct, not conscious thought; most people misinterpret the motivations behind their behaviors, because the conscious mind doesn't need to know why instincts exist in order for them to work, it just wants to know because its job is to be curious about things. Just because someone thinks they want something for a certain reason, that doesn't mean they actually do, which is why psychology is an endlessly profitable business.

    Besides, there's only a very slight difference between wanting someone who wants what you want, and wanting someone who's willing to do what you want, so it's not really worth splitting hairs.
     

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