SRS Validation/Approval Issues.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ItsStockOfficer, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. ItsStockOfficer

    ItsStockOfficer Active Member

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    I´m aware that I have validation/approval issues. I am curious if anyone else has this and how they deal with it, and if there is any insight as to its root cause and possible solutions.

    I mean this in the sense that I try to impress people overly much, generally intellectually, and I care too much about what other people think. This tends to come out with my peers, but I have felt myself doing it with my mother as well. I do not feel this at all with close friends, but generally with new aquaintances.
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    IMO it's insecurity and fear based.

    I remember thinking, after I landed my first big job after my first degree, that everyone would figure out I was a HUGE fraud and that I didn't know what the fuck to do and they would all laugh, then fire my ass in a big public way. It fucked me up for many months but I was also detoxing from alcoholism so I wasn't thinking clearly either.

    I realized just how silly this fear was once I acknowledged it and stopped trying to deny it's existence. Then when I would think of it in the future, I was able to just laugh at how silly and melodramatic my mind could be....then go on with my work.
     
  3. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    It's a combination of insecurity and a lack of self-confidence, mixed in with perfectionism.

    I solved it by picking up guitar. Now I only try to impress people when I play guitar, and my social life has been left lacking these anxieties.
     
  4. eu4ia

    eu4ia Active Member

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    ive had this problem in relationships. i always knew i was a good guy and very capable of just about anything, but i always needed the pat on the back or nod from someone else to confirm it.

    im still dealing with it but you simply just have to realize that youre a good person who can do anything you set your mind to. if someone doesnt like you or doesnt see that, fuck them. it doesnt matter what some random asshole thinks of you, noone is loved by everyone, even the most amazing people.
     
  5. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    You say you feel it with your mother. Did she ever make you feel inadequate growing up? In my family I was always seen as the "cool" child that needed to be watched because I was more inclined to follow the trend and styles of my time. I always felt like my father was overly concerned about me and didn't trust me to make the right decisions on my own even though I knew, for the most part, I could. As a result I always wanted reassurance for my actions because I had been conditioned to doubt myself.

    Similarly, I think at some time frame in your life you were trained to believe you were not good enough (intellectually, emotionally, or whatever) and so you seek approval from others in order to prove to them that you are.
     
  6. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    mine probably comes from my mother and father being married 6 times each. I never even got upset with all the divorces when I was a kid.

    I don't have any tips for you. I just sit around miserable all the time...lol.
     
  7. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I still struggle with it sometimes.

    I always used to be at the point of where I would take so much crap from people for a long period of time, then i'd eventually just blow up and confront the person and start a fight.

    Now, if I ever catch myself trying to get someones approval, I change my thoughts immediately and literally tell myself "Who fucking cares what he thinks?" and do what I want, no matter what.

    I believe the only way to fix it is to consciencely realize what you are doing when you do it, and change it immediately. After you do that a lot, and believe me, at first you'll have an opportunity about every 5 minutes, it will eventually just be natural to not care about approval.

    Sometimes approval seeking is good thought. The key is to figure out when to park it though.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You are your own judge,jury and executor, you have nothing to prove to anyone besides yourself. Bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in your hands.
     

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