SRS Update On Welbutrin

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by METALLlC BLUE, May 27, 2005.

  1. The Welbutrin is working well. I've noticed marked improvements in my ability to focus while reading, studying, playing video games, cooking, as well as multitasking. I've noticed a partial decline in depression, as well as a partial decline in mania. I am more active, less lethargic, but not "over-active" such as one might feel with a stimulant or caffeinated product.

    I'm also finding it easier to challenge issues that would otherwise have overwhelmed me before. Such as my ability to interact with others. I'll give you an example:

    I was sleeping with this girl. I told her from the onset I wanted nothing serious, just casual dating, sex, and someone to waste my time with while I transition from my relationship with Sue and Glenda. I was deeply hurt by an ex who betrayed me. She agreed. Fast forward to 2 days ago. She was yelling and screaming at me because she claims I broke her heart. She said she resented me for not ending the relationship the moment I recognized she had feelings for me. I told her quite simply: "You chose to stay, and I once again told you I didn't feel anything for you or want anything serious."

    For 2 more days I received IM's, E-mail and even a phone call not too recently where she really dumped all of her stuff on me about this issue. Initially I felt responsible, but I didn't get upset. I felt sorry that she was hurt, but then I immediately spoke to my counselor and she said "You were honest with her from the start?" And I said yes. She then said "Then it's not your problem, so don't beat yourself up." After thinking about it - which I can no profess was much more clearer with the medication -- I agreed. When the girl wrote me a hateful e-mail the next day -- I contacted her and promptly said "Fuck you! Don't abuse me and attack me because you were incapable of doing the right thing for yourself."

    It felt great to do and say that! Because before I would have just continued to stay mired in an argument about who was or wasn't responsible. They're her feelings, not mine, and I was honest. My side of the street was clean all along, so it's something she'll need to work through. I am sorry she was hurt though and that I was the trigger for it - but I was not the cause. That's the difference.

    Now onto the side effects:

    The only side-effect I'm experiencing which has gradually improved is more insomnia. The doctor told me that would be the main issue and it was. To combat the insomnia my psychiatrist told me to continue using the Ativan and Sonata in alternate doses. I can use one or two capsules of Sonata depending on how important it is that I get a more quality sleep. I can use 1 tab or two of Ativan as well depending on the same issues.

    I've tried nearly everything else for sleep, and the next step is Seraquel but so far the Ativan and Sonata combination is working and the Welbutrin is also improving my memory, and sex drive.

    The psychiatrist told me that as I recover from Lyme and also face the other situations that I should recover from the psychological impact of my past abuse [physical, sexual, emotional -- alcoholic parents]. The medication is certainly helping me to cope and face things I otherwise couldn't face because the depression [Lyme related, and from post trauma] was skewing and clouding my judgment.

    She said that as I open up and listen I'll keep improving but she said that isn't always something that is easy, nor always a choice depending on how badly harmed an individual is. This varies from person to person even if they've experienced the same trauma.

    I have been on the medication for about 3 to 4 weeks. I am only on a dose of 100mg.

    I apologize that the medication hasn't improved my ability to write concise posts however. :rofl:

    Cliff Notes: Medication has improved my ability to socially interact, improved my depression, memory, concentration, sex drive, ability to multitask, as well as improved my energy levels. The only side effect has been insomnia. The dose is 100mg x 1
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 27, 2005
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Any reason for you to not also be on a low dose of an SSRI? Might help with the sleeping, and improve the depression/social issues even more...

    Sonata and Ativan was an excellent combo for me as well, also while on Welbutrin, and Adderall. BTW, I assume that you are taking the Welbutrin in the morning, as SOON as you wake up? I think the sleep issues usually go away in time as you adjust, but if they don't... you might want to talk to your doctor about lowering the dose a little bit. Then maybe throwing in that SSRI I mentioned. Thats what I did.

    Oh, and way to deal with dat hoe. I sometimes wish I could be like that, but at this point in my life I am not capable of emotionless sex. I realize that you're that way from trauma... but its real inconvenient to go 7 months without sex because you haven't had an "appropriate" bond with any potential partners enough to be interested. It feels like I forgot how to fuck. Jeez. /hijack ;)
     
  3. I've had serious problems with SSRI medication. The psychiatrist is aware of this.

    Yes, I take it the moment I wake up. Thanks for the tip. My sleep is improving slowly as I get used to the medication but unfortunately because of the Lyme it tends to be an issue if the illness is active regardless. That is finally improving as well, but I still have a ways to go. At least I'm seeing consistency now with the antibiotics.

    She's a nice girl, but she really has no one but herself to hold responsible. If I knew she'd feel this way many months later then I never would have slept with her to begin with. I'm not in the business of breaking hearts or hurting people and I'm not the cruel prick she's made me out to be. The funny part is that she also told me "I can't trust you." Ironic considering I'd been nothing but bluntly honest from the get go. I guess other people have feelings and issues of their own too, and I'm not always to blame! Woo hoo!

    I'd love to be in a serious relationship, but I really don't think I have anything of substance to offer anyone. I have no money, no career, no job, nothing. Right now I'm busy rebuilding my life because of my poor health and I'm finally just now starting to "grow up." I'm 27 years old, and I'm just now getting a chance to live, so.... if I seem immature, or as though I'm a loser for not having anything to offer then other people are just going to have to fuck themselves and deal with it, because they'd be in the same position if they were even fortunate enough to survive what I just went through.

    I will say this though: I can't wait until I am secure emotionally, and finacially as well as healthy and fully capable of giving to my family, and one special woman. Right now however my body needs exercise, and sex is great what the doctor ordered. :cool:
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I biked about 40 miles yesterday. It was relaxing. Sex would have been preferable.
     
  5. Notice my Freuding slip at the end. "Sex is great." Great should be exchanged with "just." Sex is "just" what the doctor ordered. :rofl:
     
  6. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    glad to hear it Micheal :)

    I have to hand it to ya. I don't know if I could keep up with a schedule of an assortment of pills that range from one number up to 100 mg. yikes! I hope it continues to work for you

    About the girl: girls and guys can be friends; girls and guys can fuck; fewvgirls cannot fuck and just be friends if the platonic relationship continues. Maybe what she latched onto was the offer of a casual relationship. She accepted your definition of casual relationship correct?
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Glad to hear it's working for you. Some people will get clingy no matter what you tell them in the beginning as they only hear what they want to, hoping that you will change. Subconsciously she's mad at herself for not being "good enough" to make you change. But she can't expect you to pretend to want a relationship with her. That wouldn't do either of you any good.
     
  8. She latched onto me. She fell for me even though she knew I would not probably return those feelings at any point. She knew my definition of casual dating was as such: Dating, with the inclusion of sexual activity, or intimacy [if it develops] but no commitment to her or any of the other women I see. So, she knew I was seeing other women too from the get go. I told her I was and that I would continue to do so.
     
  9. You've hit the nail on the head. In-fact she said the same thing herself as she was yelling at me. It's sad that she took it so personally, because my feelings have nothing to do with her. I don't feel anything for anyone - and I've been around the block. It's something I've just accepted for now. I hope it will change gradually as I cope with what I've been through. - however I do not have any control over it.
     

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