So that girl i have been seeing and falling hard for...well she was visiting me again this weekend. a little backstory if i never told you. she got out of a relationship, and told me she wasnt ready for another one yet, so we basically set up a casual sex thing, and it was understood that we could sex up other people as well. i didnt want to. she ended up having sex with some other guy, after i had started falling for her. she told me and i was bummed. but i let it go because that was part of our initial "rules". mistake number one. i shouldnt have let it go. she shouldnt have hurt me like that, and i shouldnt have let her think it was ok by just letting it go. desperation obviously had taken hold of me. i just didnt know it at the time. time passes (couple weeks) and things between us get closer. I met this girl on myspace, and end up sleeping with her, basically to make myself feel better because girl 1 slept with someone else too. but i never told girl 1 about this, until this weekend. she lost it. she had been warm towards me, but the second i told her about this, she became ice cold. we talked about it for a while, and she told me she doesnt know who i am, she has never known me, and that she lost alot of respect for me. all because i didnt tell her i slept with another girl. i didnt even want to have sex with girl 2, and it was obvious to me because i barely even got an erection. so now. girl 1. whom i do honestly believe i love. i will never see again. i will never get the chance to make her happy in a relationship like i know i could have. i can never be the man she deserves. all because of one mistake. she is basically dead. and i am very sad. i lost my best friend. and the only one i have to blame is myself. cliffs: i slept with some random chick for some sort of revenge or to make myself feel better, then i told the girl i am/was crazy about. she didnt like that, and told me that we were never going to see/speak again. told you that you would like it peyomp. i learned how low on self-esteem i am, that i would let her walk all over me like that (i just wish i knew how to build my self-esteem up), i learned that i am selfish, and desperate. i am childish in the fact that when someone hurts me, i want to hurt them back, and enough of the time, i actively try to hurt them (not physically but emotionally), and for some reason, i think i like to put myself through emotional pain. thanks for listening and any input/advice positive or negative is great. last night was the first time in a long time, that i cried over a girl.