SRS Update on girls again :P

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kerberos, Nov 5, 2005.

  1. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    So, I've noticed that one of my friends at school, who seemed to have been avoiding me lately, was glancing at me all the time. So I stared back at her and smiled at her all the time for like 1 week straight. Now, she's started to get closer to me and smiles back at me all the time. She also invited me to lunch which she insisted on paying at which time she said that she wants us to be working together on a part of the group project that we are together in. Me thinks she likes me. So yeah, we went to lunch during a class, when we came back, the girl that I talked about before, the-girl-that-rejected-me-then-told-me-that-she-was-not-attracted-despite-staring-at-me-all-the-time-and -looking-like-a-beaten-dog-until-I-speak-to-her, was totally red in the face and just put her coat on and walked out ten minutes into the class. I spoke to her later on MSN, asked her what was wrong. She said that she did not want to say. I replied that I think I know what was wrong. When I didn't tell her, she said that she really wanted to know what I thought was wrong. I told her that I was working on a project with a friend and would talk to her again when I'd have the time.

    Meanwhile, I'm off working on the project with the first nice girl. C you guys later.:)
     
  2. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    :highschool: but goodluck man.
     
  3. armond

    armond New Member

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    have fun, make sure youa ctually get yorur project done!
     
  4. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I'm really starting to like this girl, however, I don't know at all how to act. I've always been great at flirting girls but after that, I'm lost. Can somebody help me out?

    Also, one of my friends has been after that girl for months and been touching her all the time and the girl keeps telling him to stop touching her and pushing him away. The guy is sort of a player but he's also a smart guy. I doubt he'd be mad at me for getting the girl he was after since the girl shows absolutely no interest in him and I've given him ample time. I think he's noticed that I'm after the girl. He's tried to deflect my attention to other girls and he's becoming less insistent on the girl.

    Yeah, so today, I was working with the girl on an assignment. The first 30 minutes or so, she and I were both somewhat stressed but after a while it subsided. When I did manage to solve the problem with the assignment, she quickly and nervously hugged me from behind. She also keeps saying that I have beautiful hair. SO, basically, I'm wondering how I should act with her mostly with respect to touching and addressing the relationship since it's so early. For example, I doubt I should formally ask her out right now since it seems sort of understood that we almost are. ALso, I don't want to touch her too much because, after all teh other guy failed probably because of that and I've always heard it's best to let the woman touch first. Also, should I compliment her and what kind of things are acceptable this early on?

    BTW, a brief history of me and this girl. I talked to her in one of my classes once and then she started hanging out with me all the time non-stop for about 1 year. But she was a shy sort of closed girl that would never talk and would draw all the time. Then I had a workterm for 4 months. When we came back, she no longer hung out with me all the time and was cold with me. It could have been because she noticed that I was obsessed with the other girl that I talked about here before. After all, they are becoming friends (is this a good thing? I dunno )
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2005
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Um... yeah...

    Tell me what you are waiting for again? Just do it already, sheesh!
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Wow, your fear and timidity are leading you to make some massive logical errors.

    #1 It is "understood that you are almost going out" so...you're afraid to bring up a topic that should be so simple and accessible??? Why?

    The real and only possible reason: because you know you're not going out and you don't want that awful truth confirmed.


    #2 You don't want to touch her because the other guy failed "probably because of that". Well, you're not that other guy.

    And that other guy failed because she was not into him. The touch incident only forced her to declare non-interest. It by itself, did not break the deal.

    You're afraid of this (non-interest) so therefore you rationalize that it's better to let the woman go first. Same issue as with #1 above.



    Either she's into you or she's not. This condition already exists in her.
    Your job is only to discover her true feelings about you, you can't really do much to change them either way.

    I advise you to be a bit bolder, express more self-confidence, and most importantly to NOT OBSESS over the actions of one particular girl. No matter how fabulous, how beautiful, how intelligent, how radiant, she is not the BE ALL and END ALL of your world.

    Relax and actually ASK HER OUT. Refuse to live in the grey limbo where you associate with her, but dare not ask her true feelings for fear of being rejected.
    Instead, resolve to go for what you really want. If you get turned down, fine. Move on to another. Now go. Do it.


    PS this applies in life too, not just to girls. Challenge yourself. Accept that you will demand a higher standard for yourself.
     
  7. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    very true, I am timid and scared and I am slowly overcoming this, which is why I require the help of you guys :). I do give off the image of a self-confident, sometimes arrogant guy, however. And, I am, in mostly everything except wrt girls.
    THis is not the first time that such a situation happens to me. The previous times, my parents would forbid me to go out with any girls and would have beaten me and have me disciplined publicly by their religious cult if I had. So, I am used to walk away when things get too relationshippy with often the consequence that the girl gets pissed at me and never talks to me again. SO yeah, I suck.

    We're not going out yet you are right.

    True. Although I did touch her today. Twice middle of the back, once her stomach and her arm a few times. She never told me not to touch her, never recoiled back or did any action that indicated that she was not pleased with me touching her. In fact she was smiling.


    How should I go about asking her out?
     
  8. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    How? Just tell her that you want to take her to (fill in blank) and ask her what she is doing that night? If she is buys then counter offer another plan on another night. If she doesn't work with you to find a date time or of she doesn't answer period, then she is not interested.
     
  9. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I bought her lunch today, does that count?:)
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Actually buying her things, spending money on her, lavishing gifts, that moves you in the opposite direction of where you should go.

    Again, you're afraid to actually ask her the Question.

    Buying her things is another move to insulate you from that. The underlying motive is as though you were buying 'insurance' by plying her with gifts hoping to increase her favour towards you.

    But honestly, if she's into you, you don't need to do anything special, you don't need to buy her things, and you really should not buy her lunch. Not yet anyways. Why are you buying her lunch?

    BE HONEST with yourself. What was your motivation. And don't cop out with the trivial surface explanation "I'm a nice guy". Think deeply.

    If you want to ask her out...ask her out. Here's a hint. Think of a fun activity that you and she will both like to do. Ask her to go do it.

    If she's into you, she'll say yes.
    If she's into you, but genuinely busy that day, she'll reschedule or try hard to make it.

    Ask her. Realize you have NOTHING to lose, and it will become easier.


    PS one last thing. If you're STILL too nervous, just ask her to a movie.
    If you're still too nervous for THAT, ask her to a movie with a bunch of friends. (Group date).

    Spend time with her in non-school social situations. You know...like a friend. Get it? It's actually quite simple.

    Get back to us after you've hung out with her away from school in a social context.
    We'll have more for you then. Till then...complete your homework assignment within 1 week.

    Good luck.
     
  11. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Update again: Today, I didn't start off too well. I arrived late and the guy that's always hitting on her was sitting next to her, let's call that girl Anne. At the tutorial, however, I sat next to Anne. The girl that had rejected me before, let's call her Sarah, sat behind me. Her cell rang in class so I turned around to her and reproached to her about interrupting class in a playful voice. She called me on my cell, which rang loudly, to get back at me. My friend behind me said that she was a bitch, so I did the same and called her a bitch playfully. Anyways, Anne, sitting beside me, saw that I had as a picture on my cell, a picture of a woman with big breasts and a wet t-shirt. She made a weird face. Then Sarah, behind me, was saying that, as a joke, that she would kick my ass during recess, etc. We make those kind of jokes all the time, she's an immature girl anyways. Then later, I went to the labs with Anne, the guy that's been chasing Anne for a while, (let's call him Jason). During our group meeting, I was staring at the girl at all times until she eventually only looked at me whenever she would speak to the group. Today while we were working on the lab, she totally rejected Jason that was hitting on her when I was there. After we were finished the group meeting, I invited her to come watch hockey with me and Jason at the school bar (He owed me a beer for a favour I did for him). She's not at all a hockey fan but came anyways a bit later. I had two beers before she came, when she came, I tried a few times to put my arms around her shoulder. She never told me off but she would slowly edge away until my arm would fall off of her. Then she left with the other guy later to catch her bus. As she left I told her "You're hot insert name", she smiled and left with the other guy. Later, that night, I saw her online. I told her I'd make a hockey fan out of her. She said good luck. I told her that since she did something I liked we should do something she liked next time. She said there was no need, she doesn't keep tabs like that. And then she said that she needed to learn more about hockey anyways. I guess this opens the door for me to set another "date". I'm not at all shy with her. I just don't know how to act and how fast I should go etc. Also, what would be a good idea for a date?
     
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    See the bold. Anne is not interested. And your friend "Sarah" loves attention from guys.
     
  13. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I knew about Sarah for sure. For Anne, I could explain the quirkiness at the game with the fact that the other guy was there and she seems to want to remain friends with him. The reasons that I think she might be interested is that we are in a group of 5 and she is the team leader and she always sets everyone up on who will do tasks and she always puts herself with me. There's also that she kept complimenting my hair, she's always slapping me on the legs, she's always smiling when she looks at me, she laughs at my stupid jokes, she suddenly becomes interested in hockey, she gives me more leeway in the group than for anyone else (I can arrive late, and when I feel like leaving, this is when the meeting is over :p while she's on everyone else's case if they do that) and she did give me a hug on Monday (she's not a very demonstrative girl). Plus, today I sort of felt tired and I stayed away from her just to change things up and she looked depressed all day and everyone in the group was wondering what was wrong with her. Plus she always seems to want to influence my decisions. For example, she was like "you are not dropping any courses that I'm with you in this semester" and "no, don't let your hair grow into a mullet". Although I do see your point, I think it's worth to try a little more. She either wants to be my best friend or wants to go out with me.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2005
  14. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    this has to be highschool, or junior highschool.

    I know we all may have felt some timidness in those days, and some of us would love to go back and relive those years with what we know now.

    but.

    I ahve to say this. Why are you analyzing this so much, and asking for advice here on OT at this level.

    a) you're too young to be worried about finding a wife
    b) nobody on here is Dr. Phil.

    Just fucking enjoy these years, and gamble a bit. What's the worst that could happen?
     
  15. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    University actually :p
     
  16. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    Girls are so cute when they're being competitive. :nikko:
     
  17. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Update: I tried the classic "check out the picture of this hot dude", giving a link to one of my pictures. She replied "Hot dude, indeed. ^_^". Notice that about a couple of days ago, she made me take a guy quiz on dating and one of the question was "how to know if a girl likes you". The right answer was along the lines of what I just did of course :p.
     
  18. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If you are so certain then simply ask her out. If she does like you then she won't much longer because she must be thinking, "How dense can he be?!" Ask her out already!
     
  19. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    TO verify this, I sent the same message to Sarah. She just said "lol" and congratulated me on the award. I will definitely ask Anne out however, she's too busy this week, (she showed me her schedule and she is busy like every day for school work for a while). I'll ask her out for a day on which she is free. BTW, how effective is something like saying "So are you my girlfriend yet" in a playful way?
     
  20. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    She's fucking another dude.

    Edit: Oh, crap, wrong thread...

    Edit. Shit, wrong forum!
     
  21. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    This girl doesn't like me either, well I think she did like me last week but she rejected me today.:hs:
     
  22. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    This thread makes me wanna put a gun in my mouth.
     
  23. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Another example of guys looking for "signs" that she is interested and assuming those signs mean something. "She smiled at me, so she must like me." I always say that guys should forget this whole "sign" business and simply go ask her out. No assumptions, go in having no idea what she will say, but persue it because you want to. Her answer/actions will tell you all you need to know. If you ask and and she says yes, then chances are that she has some interest. If you ask and she does anything other than "yes" then she is not interested.
     

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