SRS Update..not a good one.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SpeedLaci, May 17, 2006.

  1. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    So its day 5. God this is hard. Well yesterday during the day, i must admit.. i felt a little better.. not better but i guess normal if you will. But all of a sudden around 4 that went to shit and i went right back to my mood again. I came to realization that what he wanted from was security, something i couldnt give him, especially with going to law school soon and everything. Well that realization held me over till yesterday... but here I am again.. in the slump..The longest we have ever gone without talking is 7 days.. and god knows im going to die if he doesnt message me on friday.. but i have a horrible feeling he wont. I have come to the realization though that I dont want him back.. well completely.. i just want the "us" part back. This would be sooo much easier if I knew he was thinking about me, if knew he was wondering what I was doing. If he was worrying about me.. if knew all that then.. well first wonder why we arent tsill together.. but would feal alot more comforted. right now.. i feel like im the last thing on his mind.. and definitly dont have a place in his heart..i know this is a repeat of my first post .. and if you are lost.. get the full story "God Damn Stupidity" But anyways... i know its the same... but..guess im just looking for comfort right now..the most i can eat is a meal a day if that..and i forgot what it ment to smile.. hell im slowly forgetting his face....help..:hsugh:
     
  2. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    you feel lonely. its natural to after a break up. i know its hard to do but its best you dont think about what he is thinking. its not like you will find the answers anyway. it takes time for things to settle in and get better. for now you should be working on improving yourself.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Here you go blaming yourself again. Again its 'HIS' problem ,if he can't trust a person who is trustworthy then HE has a problem , because it will mean he can't trust anyone, you are 'out of bounds' on what your responsiblities are within a relationship. A loving relationship goes both way, in giving and taking. Trust is an essensial part of that, he was paranoid so no matter if you gave him all the proof in the world that you where trustworthy he wouldn't accept it. So STOP BLAMING YOURSELF, its a good thing your forgetting him and you will live beyond friday. Its just a guy, its not your life. Get a fucking grip on yourself, because he's not worth it. Sometimes you have to accept that some things in your life are 'beyond' your control. You did everything humanly possibly to earn his trust, he didn't give it so let him go. Your only playing along in being sucked up in his game. :down: Stop letting him control your life, even as of now you are being controlled by his influence of which you should free yourself, by taking the power of your life back into your own hands.
     
  4. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    If you don't feel strongly about him maybe you should just let him go. You two obviously want different things.
     
  5. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    I know, i think i have passed the its all my fault thing. I am successful, im going to go to law school in a year.. im preetty.. im smart etc...i know im the best thing that every happened to him ..i know he knows it... its just the emptyness now.. the closenss .. the sensuality, the love... all these things that i cant even think about with another person. a couple of guys have ben calling asking for dates,and none of them even spike my interest. none of them.. and i need that in my life... having that kind of relationship always kpt me balanced.. and now everything seems to slowly going down... but i know i wont find another one by looking for them, cause i never had to look for him.. i just dont know how to keep myself from being lonely and trying to keep my life balanced until i find someone else...friends only go so far...and my hobbies.. there great but also only go so far
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If you don't want to be lonely you have to step towards new people. Since this is broken off you can start something anew to make your love life blossom again, even if you can't imagine, look around there's a whole world wide open for you to explore(in terms of guys too) Some might even be a lot better then him. So why would you waste your time dwelling in the past, what's done is done. Replace your ex-love with a new love once you are ready.
     
  7. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    I'm so with Darketernal on this one..

    Honey, don't play his game! He just lost a smart, attractive girl who's heading to law school, and doesn't it suck to be him.

    I know it totally blows thinking about everything he said to you, promised you and how being with him made you feel, but sweetpea- do you honestly want to be with someone who doesn't trust you?

    When those feelings of loneliness and sadness for what used to be creep back in- give yourself a few minutes to think about it and then get up and do something else. Yes, you need to think/feel for what is happening, to grieve the end of an important time in your life, but you don't need to lose yourself in sadness and "what used to be."

    What you need is to go for a good run, a good manicure and a great shopping spree (cause you're gonna need some great clothes when you're in law school), then end the night with cocktails and some good girlfriends. The point is to really take care of yourself right now and surround yourself with positive people. The more you go out and spend time around other people the better you'll feel. You'll start to remember what it's like to have fun and relax- and believe me, I'm in grad school right now and it's hard, so take this time you have to relax, refocus and get ready for what's coming up in your life.

    There's that saying, every new begining comes from some other beginning's end. So here's a new beginning :) Take some time for you- work out your feelings, decide what was healthy and unhealthy about your relationship and what you are and aren't willing to deal with when it comes to future relationships. When you're ready a new relationship will come along. Until then, stay positive, ask for help when you need it and be excited for what's coming up next. :)

    Good Luck!
     
  8. bromide

    bromide New Member

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  9. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    ya well.... maybe you will find this interesting i went to lunch with some friends today you know trying to have some fun.we all start having some drinks.. yadi yadi.. and this guy next to me starts grabbing my leg... and runbbing it ..i think nothing of it and blow it off, i knew he was younger then me so i wasnt really interested.. later he got my number from a friend and texted ...so sweety what are you going to do tonight to turn me on....then i find out he is 16!!!!!! .. and im 20.. WTF is that?!! is this some kind of joke.. like haha your screwed all your going to get is horny little boys...that is the last thin i need or what right now!
     
  10. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    haha...Just be flattered and smile. So he's 16...regardless, you went out, had a good time and got hit on.

    Good for you :)
     
  11. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    Another update... so we ran into eachother yesterday. My heart dropped! I stood breathless. Having no clue what to do. He was in his car driving by. He rolled down the window.. asked how I was, i said ok sarcastically, he asked if i had a minute to talk.. hestitantly I said yes, so he pulled into the other parking lot. The walk over there never seemed to end . I was so nervous not knowing what to do.We sat down, i was so nervous that all I could do was compliment on his shoes!! He looked at me and told me I broke his heart. Like no girl had ever. We started talking..He didnt believe anything i said but atleast he was nice about it. So were sitting there..he told me he missed me, i agreed..i was a studdering mess..then he told me since the day we broke up he kept hearing that new...James Blunt -Goodbye Lover song..( you guys should listen atleast the lyrics)

    Anyways.. he had to go..we looked at eachother with the most painful eyes..he ran his hand across my cheeck, and both of us just started crying it was ridiculous.. he got one of his tears, an rubbed it on my lips...he got out of the car.. and said, listen to that song and message me after. So i raced home to listen to it..the song made me cry.. it was so beautiful.. and wel described us perfectly.. i messaged him.. and his response was that it made his heart smile to finally get a message from me.. well we messaged for a little bit, and that was it ...i felt alot better...i mean there was no real hint we were getting back together.. but god to feel like he still loved me..it was incredible..well this morning he messaged me good morning and wished me luck on my test and hoped i had a great day.. i didnt respond cause he was in a meeting..but god.. for the past 10 days i have been dying for someone to say goodmorning, and because of him this was my first morning that i smiled :) I wish i knew what it all ment..maybe it will be easier to get over him knowing he still loves me .. what do you think? Did yesterday just put me back in square one?... is it just going to get harder? all i can say is it helped bring closer.. help!
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    He isn't missing you, he is only missing the control that he had over you in this relationship. Your heart is just jumping to be back together with him, i tell you you cannot until you two have a serious talk about 'trust' issues , and explain to him that you have friends who are harmless who you love to talk to, i mean tell him he has friends too,and talks to them too without you interfering or thinking its another gf on the line right? Its like that song ' trust in me , like i trust in you, cuz we only act like children when we fuss and fight' Its absolutely 'useless' to try to get back together again if the original problems that lead you to break up in the first place aren't resolved. So FIRST solve the problems that you two have together by forms of communication, and if he isn't willing to change, then that must be your red flag and say to yourself, 'well im sorry then , but i can't go into the relationship like that, because i've had it with all the control and paranoid stuff' you want to call your friends without being demonized all the time.
     
  13. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

    You want to go back to the pain you know rather than risk the pain you don't know for the chance of greater joy. I hope for your sake you realize what you're doing sooner rather than later so you don't waste more of your life in the company of someone who restricts your freedoms and exerts control over you. You do have a choice, you know.
     
  14. Isaac

    Isaac New Member

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    What you need is you right now, not him. You don't need another him right now either. You need a stronger you.

    That's the reason why you're sad and reaching out for help anyway. You want to feel validated in your existence. You want to feel like you're a better person. Love does that for you. It tells you you're worth it. You already are.

    Write down a list of things that make you so damn cool. It better be a long list.

    Print it on a poster and put it on your wall. Put it on a shirt. You're the shit. Believe it, and believe that you're who you are because you can be by yourself and be damn cool with it. A smug smile can help.

    If someone wants you, they can come get it. It's your ballgame anyway, so you just have to decide when you want to jump back into it. Take your time, and don't push it. Life is all about balance and flow. Be cool with who and where you are, then seek higher ground if you want.
     
  15. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    :bowdown: and I will add more when I get home later tonight ;)
     
  16. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    I thought this was a pretty great reply because, when you said this, I was thinking similar things, as Issac has already mentioned:
     
  17. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    Well another day, he messaged me in the morning to wish me a good day and good luck on my test... then he messaged me and said, that he went by work and dinnt see my car, so he just wanted to check up on me, well we talked all day all day through messages nothing big i guess...god damn it this is a pain in the ass ...im trying not to care.. i went shopping today.. but myself some new clothes... it was nice ... im recovering my self image... its just the role he is playing in my life right now... we need a talk....just waiting for the timing.. but that way things are right now i dont feel half as depressed.. would it be wrong to carry on these casual messages? will they help me get over him.. im not as depressed as i was....i dont know if that made sense but.. pretty much would it be bad to continue this ..nothing serious just a little freiendship to keep in my life so that hopefully i can move on.. it doesnt feel half as painful as not talking to him at all.
     
  18. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    He stopped by your work to look for your car and when he didn't see it he felt he had to "check up" on you? WTF? It's none of his business whether you're at work or out having hot rebound sex with some random dude. Seriously.

    Don't let yourself be accused of leading him on - you may see it as friendship but guys in general don't operate like that, especially right after a breakup. Ask him what his intentions are - if he's trying to get into either your pants or your life and you're going to pursue the single life, say so. Don't mince words. He needs to hear the flat, unembellished truth from you so that he can get on with his life while you get on with yours.
     

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