Update: It's over..

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by hayte997, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. hayte997

    hayte997 Guest

    :wtc: Well, upon some peoples advice, I met with my GF today and tried to work things out. I really do love her but damn all that was just too much for me to take. The fact that she has had sex with over 20 guys, cheated on almost EVERY boyfriend suprisingly doesn't bother me as much as the fact that she slept with an old man who is the same age as her father. And she was actually 16 when she did this, that pervert is over twice her age and ugly.

    I'm trying to look past her past and accept her for who she is now. It's hard but I'll try. I really do love her, which is something I haven't felt with any past GF's. And she says the same about me, she says she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and she knows she wants to get married and has known this since not long after we started dating.
    Now I believe this is really how she feels, it's not like she's in-experienced in relationships.

    She's beautiful, and I care for her alot, she seems like my best friend. I'm not sure what to do, but I don't want to lose her. If nothing else, I'd like to be her best friend.

    I know no one really cares but it's nice to get it all of my chest, it's a little embarrasing to discuss this with friends..
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    one question. will you ask all future girlfriends about their sexual pasts earlier in the relationship to preven this situation from happening again?
     
  3. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    :hug:

    sorry, but it will get easier with time.
     
  4. hayte997

    hayte997 Guest

    I didn't make it clear but I asked her early on and she lied to me, because she "was ashamed" I've always asked up front and early on.
     
  5. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    Thats weird. I would think that the 20 guys would be a bigger issue than the older dude. So what if he was older? Who here hasnt messed arround with older people? Shit, my last ex is only 3 yrs younger than my mom. Age is just a number.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i think this issue was hashed over in the other thread. cut the guy some slack :hs:
     
  7. rkf76

    rkf76 New Member

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    I don't think people should ask about people's sexual history....all that should matter is that the person is thier sexual activity from the time you begin seeing them. Both parties should be tested before engaging in unprotected sex, or even oral, and so long as the tests are clean and clear, spare me the details.

    So uh, how did you find out about the old man anyway? I don't remember you saying how you found out.

    You didn't ask but I feel the need to offer....I wouldn't suggest being her "best friend" until you have had time to deal with your feelings and emotions about the issue and are ready to embark on a platonic relationship which may include convo's about other dudes in her life.
     
  8. SCirone

    SCirone Moderator

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    why should you ever ask about her sexual past, it is exactly that, teh past
     
  9. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    A dick is a dick, 80 year old dick 10 year old dick it's all the same.. I would have been more worried about sloppy 21sts.
     
  10. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Weak imo. It's the past, get over it.
     
  11. Im sorry, but I just think that was dumb. Have you never made a mistake in your past that you would like her to overlook? I cant even understand how if you really feel the way you say about her that you could just throw it all away over something stupid that happened in the past.
     
  12. NJGuy

    NJGuy "Fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmef uckmefuckmefuckmefuckm OT Supporter

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    So its worng to judge a person by thier actions of the past?

    Hmmm...
     
  13. JW2

    JW2 New Member

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    I never ask about sexual or dating past, and if I get asked I politely mention that it's my own business, and what I'm concerned with is what is happening right now. As long as she isn't sleeping with other people while she's with me, I don't feel I have the right to demand any information.
     
  14. dscallaway69

    dscallaway69 New Member

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    Yeah I don't ask about history either. The past is the past. Hey man it is to bad you couldn't get over it by the way it sounds you are leaving a good thing. Suck it up and be a man. Relationships aren't always easy.
     
  15. rkf76

    rkf76 New Member

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    I think he did the right thing by realizing it's not something he can overlook and instead of pretending like everything's all good, he ended the relationship. Had he not, that has the making of turning out really bad. And it seems to me the girl is an emotional basket case and at least emotionally codependant, that can and will rear it's ugly head at some point and it won't be pretty. Sucks to lose a partner, especially when it's something like this, but you made the right decision.
     
  16. page

    page New Member

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    You did the right thing to end it, if you aren't totally comfortable with a person, no matter what the reason, then it just isn't right, and it ends up being very bad in the long run.
     
  17. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Ahh, you know to be completely honest, I would have reacted differently in your other post if I had know that!
     
  18. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    No but it's wrong to judge your SO ...period. And it's wrong to make them feel like shit about mistakes they've made that they can't change and it's wrong to think that everyone in their lives need to know all about it.

    For exactly that reason.



    I'll give you a + for attempting to work it out because that does show that you do somewhat care... but sometimes caring isn't enough. If you can't get past it and not look down at her, then
    1. it's not love and
    2. it will never work out

    If you can't treat her exactly the way she should be, the same as if it had never happened...then you shouldn't be together. It shouldn't matter to the point you can't carry a normal relationship without that in the back of your mind the majority of the time. You should never be judged by your SO. They should be the one soft spot to fall. The one person you can count on to be able to be open and honest without worrying about stupid stuff. And if you can't handle the answers... then don't ask.

    All that aside, if you can get past it... good. I wish you all the best but don't do it just because of everything said here. If thats how you feel then thats how you feel. You can't force the issue.
     
  19. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    :werd:

    I find it humorous that a lot of people that say that. Are also the same that agree with felons or ex felons not having guns, or having stiffer punishments the more DUI's you acumulate or the 3 strike law in CA. Isnt all that the same? Judging and penalizing people based on their past mistakes?
     
  20. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Relationship wise, I think if she hasn't done those things while with you I don't see it as a problem.
     
  21. TheMyth

    TheMyth New Member

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    At the end of the day youre the one that she wants to spend her life with, she only wants to be with you. She's still the same girl she was 6 weeks ago, but she's not the same girl she was when she was 16.

    It might be hard to try and put that stuff behind you but try and cut her some slack, she said she was having alot of problems and she obviously thinks it was a mistake or she would have said it when you asked about the past. A 16 year old girl who's having alot of self esteem problems is easy prey for a guy who knows how to take advantage of that as the old guy obviously did. He didnt care about the fact she was only 16 and took advantage of her problems and slept with her, even if she didnt realise she was taken advantage of at the time and still hung around with him.

    It sounds like youve got a fantastic girl whos past whatever problems she used to have. As long as she does right by you now just try and forget about what the old guy did to her.
     

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