SRS Unsure

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by registeredPORK, Jan 16, 2007.

  1. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I was in a relationship for about four and a half years and out of the three, we were married. Before marrying, the relationship was fine, and both of us were happy. It wansn't until I married him that he started abusing me (physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically).

    I went through three years of hell with this guy thinking and hoping that it would work out--and that it was just a phase. I talked to him about it and for a slight moment it seemed like he would change to become a better person.

    After a few years of this, I got tired of it and slowly fell out of love with him. I asked myself daily why I loved him and could not come up with anything. I didn't feel anything. Finally, I sat down with him and I told him that I didn't want to be with him anymore. Not only was it because his abusiveness but his impulse of buying stupid toys that will never benefit him in anyway. Take for example: he bought the entire line of the Transformers figurines. It's ridiculious what he would do with money. Every week he would go to Toys'R'Us and shop there, not to mention Game Stop / EB Games.

    Forwarding it to a few days later, I came home from school (I went to school full time as well as worked full time because he would make me feel like a rotten bastard for asking money) and he told me to give him the house keys and the car keys. I looked at him, just nodded my head and from there, I was homeless. I was pretty much homeless for about a week and then finally got together with a friend and she helped me get back home (to my mother's place).

    It's been about half a year now that we've been divorced and I feel like I'm ready for a relationship but afraid to make that commitment because of what might happen. I really don't know what to do. Maybe I just feel like I'm ready for a relatinoship when I'm not? I have been out of love with the ex for a long time now . . .

    I would like to be in a relationship but am afraid that I might be too pushy or that it might turn out the way it did before.

    Help me, OT.

    -porky
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Oh hunny I am so sorry to hear that :(

    He was a bastard. He did not treat you like you deserved to be treated. You know this.

    You need to find a gentleman. Enough of pigs. Never put up with it again.

    Make sure you reclaim what is yours. You are beginning to put the pieces back together.

    He is no man. He is but a teenager in a mans body. I am sorry that you fell in love with him, he did not deserve it.

    There are great guys out there. I treat my women with respect. I am even trying to save the ass of my cheating ex. I am a man of virtue in some respects.

    You should really talk to a counsellor. You really need to get these feelings out in real life, and have a trained professional aid you. I seriously mean this. I have no trouble admitting I finally started healing when I talked to a counsellor. They point all the reasons why it is good you left him, and they really do make you feel better.

    It is indeed a crisis of the heart. I know you still have some feelings for him. This is normal. We do not simply slice the rope. It will always be a memory.

    But you need help. You need to talk to someone in real life. It is absoloutely nessesary.

    We are all hurt by love. But the best of us find true love. Stay strong.

    Imogen - Speeding Cars (song)
     
  3. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    He is right! You don't deserve people who treat you like complete shit! He did not deserve you nor will he ever find someone liek you again! His time will come where someone will treat him like complete shit and ruin his life!

    the best thing that you can do is leave it in the past and try to find someone who is sincere and will treat you like the princess that you are!

    They're a lot of good men out there and you will come across one faster then you think. Don't be scared to open up and tell him things. He will do the same.

    You never know what your next relationship will bring. It could lead to marriage and a little one. Don't be affraid, just look for someone with really good qualities and everything will turn out good in end!
     
  4. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    Thanks, you two.

    I think for the most part, I'm just afraid of opening myself up to someone. I've built such a defense that I don't know how to ... express my emotions and how I feel. It takes me a longer time to express how I feel and what I'm thinking to someone who I'm in a romantic relatinoship with because I feel like there are certain words to the type of emotion/thoughts that are going through me.

    I wish I could afford to talk to a counselor but I can't, so I don't really know where to go for that. In all honesty, I would love to see a psychatrist.

    And no, I haven't given up on the male sex (yet, anyway). And you guys are right, I know there are better men out there; men who are, well, actually men.

    :)
     
  5. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    First of all GOOD FOR YOU FOR LEAVING HIM!! It takes guts girl- I'm so happy you were able to do get out of there and move on. Even though he essentially kicked you out, you knew you didn't love him and hated the situation you were in and you didn't go crawling back to him. Believe me, many girls would have.

    As for wanting to try a new relationship again- awesome! Go for it. Don't be so worried about what the next relationship will hold for you- you don't have the ability to forsee that anyway, so don't get bawled up about it. Besides, think about everything you've learned in your last marriage- you know what you like, what you don't like, what you want and what you're not willing to stand for. you have clear bounderies and you know what the deal breakers are for you. You've taken some time away from relationships and if you feel you're ready then you most likely are.

    Good Luck Girl! Stay strong! Be brave!!! :)
     
  6. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    They're two steps to this:

    1.) YOU LEFT HIM

    2.) FINDING SOMEONE NEW
     
  7. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    1-800-668-6868

    Alright this IS the Kid's Help Phone. However, I have actually used it in numerous circumstances during crisis situations. You will not go see an actual counsellor. Even though I highly recommend seeing a female counsellor, if you cannot bring yourself to do that (breaking out of the shell of pain and spilling it out), then you should still talk to someone.

    They will not care that you are probally an adult, and if they do, the worse that can happen is that they will refer you to another free counsellor.

    The thing is, they get bored talking to kids or troubled teens, and if they can help an older person in relationship trouble I guess it is a more parellel subject for them and they can still really help you.

    Again, ask for a female. I actually seeked help from a female. Females are more nuturing then males as counsellors (for the most part, although I would probally be the shit I admit).

    SPILL YOUR GUTS. Tell them how you feel. Tell them about HIM. You need to hunny! If you hold it inside you will still not be able to sleep.
     
  8. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Always heal, forgive the person that was ignorant to do it to you, and move on after you feel healed. I say this because people that write off their ex's as bastard become jaded, and they often look at all members of the opposite sex as evil and cold.

    My ex's mother (divorced) hated men, she is extreamly jaded and fucked up. She never got the healing, obviously, and does not have the ability to forgive.
     
  9. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    Viper, thank you for the link the The Loser thread. Not only did he fit in most with what was said, but he most definitely fit in the dangerous one. I'll be sure to save the thread.

    Thank you for recommending the book; I'll go get that some time this week and hopefully, it will help me. And thank you again, for making yourself open to me, :) I appreciate it... a lot.


    Thank you. I'll more then likely give them a call sometime this week.



    Thanks everyone. You guys have been a very big help.

    *giant big glompings to everyone and OT*
     

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