Unsupportive Friends

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by white lightnin, Jan 13, 2006.

  1. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Well I took a big step over the holidays. My girl and I got engaged:bigthumb:

    We have been together almost five years minus a break up for a bout a month and a half, and in the last year or so we have both grown a lot and in the process become closer than I thought we ever could.

    We have also been long distance since May. I was in France studying all summer, and she has been in France and specifically Paris since around June. I got to visit her many times over the summer and twice in Paris (where I popped the question). We also got a couple of three week stints together which were great.

    Here is my present dilemma. This semester she is doing a program in Washington DC, closer so that I can see her more often but still pretty far. So as was the case last fall I am home here in Atlanta with not much doing. I think as you become someone who is in a long term relationship you drift away from the single life and spend most of your time with your SO. I always thought that was wierd, but now it makes me pretty happy. So being alone with my friends is kind of tough.

    The thing that is really bothering me is that both of my roommates are basically talking shit about how my engagement won't last etc. My best friend kind of avoids the topic. I don't even think he congratulated me.:hs:

    So I am stuck being surrounded by people that are bringing me down and making a time that I would like to pass more quickly pretty depressing. Any advice on cheering myself up?

    Cliffs: Just got engaged. Friends not being happy for me, supportive etc... Fiance 10 hours away until May. How do I keep going without getting too down?
     
  2. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    In most cases I would say your friends are jealous, and they just dont want to lose you....


    However, here it sounds like they are just looking out. Dude, wtf are you thinking? Why the need to get engaged now? How much time do you actually spend together in person? How many nights together? How much solid time together?

    You say 3 week stints together, but umm...thats nothing.

    It sounds like you are in way over your head and your friends just want you to see it. :dunno:
     
  3. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Well its kind of hard to see eachother often when you are on other sides of the world.

    We see each other every chance we can. Spent pretty much the last month together. A week and a half in a room that was like a closet. I have been with her for quite a while, so I am confident in my decision, but I can see why my friends and you are being negative.

    I guess it just pisses me off.
     
  4. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Its good to know you are confident, but your friends know you and they are seeing this from a perspective outside your own. There is a big chance you are blinded by emotion on this one.

    Seriously, you are in for quite a shock. Its understandable that its hard to see each other from different sides of the globe, but thats good reason to put off the engagement. There is no possible way you can know her well enough to make a real decision on marriage, spending as little time as you 2 have together.

    Its your life and you know it best, but it sounds like a horrible decision IMO.
     
  5. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    You do realize that I have been in a relationship with this woman for five years right? We broke up once for about a month and a half about a year and a half ago. Going into our long distance thing we had been solid for about a year.

    Its not like I just met her or something. I've known her since high school now I am 23.
     
  6. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    And the fact that you broke up once and got together isnt a good sign either....

    People also change ALOT at your ages...a WHOLE LOT.

    It just sounds like your making the wrong decision and everyone else see's this but you. Hopefully you have good friends, and they wont be too hard on you with those "i told you so's"...see they know they are the ones that are going to have to pick up the pieces in a year when it all falls apart.
     
  7. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Yep, thats the vibe I get from my friends. Guess I will just have to deal with it and try to prove them wrong. Thanks for the reinforcement of perspective.
     
  8. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    I completely disagree with this.

    There was a period of time where I saw my wife a total of 5 times in roughly a year and a half time period. I didn't see her for 6 months, saw her for a couple of weeks. Then I didn't see her for 3 months. Then we got married and I saw her for a couple of weeks more. I didn't see her again for another 4 months, then a couple of weeks more. Then I didn't see her for 5 months. Now I am living with her and we couldn't be happier.

    So I say, if the love is true, then there is no such thing as in over your head.
    If you truly love her and she truly loves you and you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman, why wait to pop the question?

    I think if this is really what you and her want, then go for it. I am very happy for the both of you and I hope that you are happy too. Who cares what your friends say, as long as you and her are happy.
     
  9. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    If they were your true friends, they would congratulate you. Even if it won't work out, they cannot predict the future and any attempts to disuade you from being with her will only make you more resentful of them.

    I would tell them to stop being so childish and immature about it, congratulate you, and ask them to stop being such babies about it.
     
  10. bolo1313

    bolo1313 Life down here is just a strange illusion OT Supporter

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    you're mistake isn't in getting married. it's getting married at the age of TWENTY FUCKIN' THREE.
     
  11. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Try asking them why they don't seem very into the idea of your engagement. Like someone previously stated, they know you and are looking at things from an outside point of view. Alot of times decisions are made while blinded by emotion. I have several friends that have dated a girl, got cheated on repeatedly, found out about it several times, and always went back, married the girls and the same things happen, get divorced and STILL GO BACK thinking that it *might* not happen again.. Yeah right, and so far with those specific examples it always has. It pisses me off because people finally make them realize that they're getting cheated on, they were in denial, they swear them off and are happy as hell, and then they go back to them and turn back into the depressed\miserable creatures that they seem doomed to be.. :wtc: They're bishes aren't even mildly attractive either.. I don't get it.. Must be voodoo pussy or something.

    Just talk to them about it if they are your friends..
     
  12. One day when you get older you're going to realize that your friends won't be around forever, and the people you really thought were your friends aren't. Make your lifes decisions on your own, unless your friends let you stick your dick in their butts I personally don't see that it's any of their business.
     
  13. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I hope to never have true friends like that. True friends tell you what you dont want to hear when you dont want to hear it. Anyone can tell you everything will work out, and congradulate you...only a friend can tell you the truth even when it hurts.

    Unless you have "friends" that are looking to screw you over and trying to ruin your life, why else do you think they are against this?
     
  14. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Age has nothing to do with marriage. Of all my friends and familes that have been married over the years (maybe 10 or so), the only ones that have stayed together that I can think off of the top of my head, are the ones that were married before 21 actually.

    Different people mature at different rates, and it also depends on your location and culture. Age should be no deciding factor.
     
  15. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Just a question, how long have you been married? How old were you at the time you got married and when you were apart?

    No doubt if its true love they will work no matter what, im not doubting that. Im saying his timming is horrible and stupid. If they are meant to be now, why not wait till they can be together to get engaged?


    Im not saying break up with her, or anything like that. Its just stupid to completely shut out your friends on this one...

    If your friends arent going to change your mind, then no one else is, but you friends are very right in this situation.
     
  16. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Thanks for more input. I guess what is peaving me off the most is that since I am only going to see my fiance every couple of weeks I have to be around people that I feel are bringing me down. The guy that said this to me spends most of the day sitting on his ass drinking and hasn't had a girlfriend the whole time I have known him. (Just graduated and his job doesn't start for two more months)

    My best friend has a similar relationship with his girlfriend from high school, but they are on again off again in a way I dont understand. He has this ability to wait for someone that I dont have. Like Red vs. Blue is saying. The whole we will do it when we are together full time. Well my girl and I are together full time, just not physically.

    In any case, going out with a few friends I haven't seen in a while tonight. The ones that called me to congratulate me before I even had a chance to tell them.
     
  17. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    I'm just going to say that I know this guy:wavey: and his fiance, I have a feeling its going to work out.

    The shit he has gone through for her is pretty amazing, he got duct-taped to a tree by his fraternity brothers because he gave her our letters (which was a lot of fun I might add) and he flys halfway around the world just for her.
     
  18. too funny frat fags
     
  19. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

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    Okay. I have been married for over 9 months now. I was 24 when I got married. We were apart when I was 24 and 25 (which is what I am now).

    Now I have a few questions for you. Are you married? If not, are you in a relationship where you love your SO? If so, why aren't you married, now?

    Marriage should be based on love. Not if it is financially right at the time, not if it is too soon, not whether you are apart, not what your friends think. It should be if you love the person enough that you could spend the rest of your lives together and love each other till death do you part. You know, me and my wife had a moment where we parted ways before we got back together. We both then realized that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and had no doubt about it. Even though I was always gone. It didn't matter. We loved each other and always will.

    But to say that he should wait until things are more conveinient to get engaged or married is not the right advice just because you do not feel the same way he does. Some relationships are strong enough to make it through this kind of stuff. Some aren't. But he needs to be the judge of that.
     
  20. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    I don't agree with this. One time in 5 years isn't that terrible. Especially for their age. Sometimes it helps figure out what is really important or what you are really looking for. If they were on again off again a lot then I can definately understand that not being a good sign but once in 5 years isn't terrible.


    Your friends don't have to agree with it and in my opinion it would be awesome if they are honest enough to tell you they don't agree with it and why but they should still support your decision. In the long run if you get married and still remain friends with them ...and if what you believe becomes a matter of truth they will eventually see that. They will get over it but true friends should be there and supportive no matter what the outcome. Marriage for most people is apart of life... Relationships of all kinds and all the ups and downs are apart of life. Mistakes are also apart of life... No matter what happens that's life... you shouldn't be faulted for it. It's a learning experience guided by feelings. I don't feel marrying a person you've been with for 5 years is all that irrational or terrible of a decision. But take it with a grain of salt. Some of what they feel may be worth thinking about. ;)
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2006
  21. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Yes I am married.

    Listen you are telling me I am not right because i dont feel the same way he does. That make you wrong because I dont feel the same way as you? No.

    I just gave my opinion on the matter. I doubt I will be wrong, but time will tell. I have alot of experience in this area though :dunno:

    Maybe you should look at more of my posts in the vag before you start a worthless rant about love :rolleyes:
     
  22. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    :ugh: Eh, to each thier own. VERY few relationships work out after its been called quits once and they get back together. Hell just search the vag, im sure there are many many threads on the subject.

    Listen to yourself...
    That is terrible IMO, but im sure im in the minority (but so are couple who don't get divorced these days).

    Once in 5 years, and it seems they dont see each other that often anyways. Now they are making a lifetime commitment? :nono:
     
  23. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Why isn't it a good sign? They had problems, took a break worked things out and are 'okay' now. People change. As long as you are changing together, what's the problem?
     
  24. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    I can honestly say that the time we broke up changed both of us for the better. It taught me what it means to be selfish, what it takes to be supportive and empathetic, and at the same time what it means to look out for yourself.

    We actually talked about this for a while today and she cheered me up. We are both very happy at the moment and feel very good about where we are headed. Should be moving in together when she gets back. I can't wait.
     
  25. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Don't forget selling my car:wtc: :bigthumb:

    You finally found me on here... you are 1337 for sure:rolleyes: :rofl:
     

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