SRS uninterested in others, counseling appropriate?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Blahaboxxx, Jan 16, 2006.

  1. Blahaboxxx

    Blahaboxxx OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2004
    Messages:
    957
    Likes Received:
    1
    I'm a 22 year old student, and lately I've been thinking a lot about how I have been living my life (and how i want to live in the future). I tend to pick up solitary activities like video games or listening to/buying music and obsessively engage myself in these activities as a passtime. Obsessively in the sense that I can wake up and start playing a game for 16-20 hours and go back to sleep without doing anything else on a given day and not miss a thing outside of what I've done.

    I've noticed that I treat my family as an obligation. I live 15 minutes from my parents and see them less than once a month, only if my siblings come to town or when I need assistance. Most people I know enjoy going home for holidays like christmas, I went home for a meal and returned to my apartment by 4pm out of boredom. I know this upset my parents, but I can honestly say I'd rather watch tv or play video games alone than make small talk with my family. Their jobs bore me, and I don't have funny anecdotes from my math classes to discuss.

    I also treat my friends in a similar manner. They're more like regular drinking buddies to me than people I'd help in times of need. You might suggest I find new friends but I am terribly uncomfortable approaching people I don't know, and I don't need to leave my comfort zone to find new people to hang out with on the weekends. Yes this also means I am single, I don't have the time or attention span to devote to a girlfriend.

    I don't go out of my way to treat these people in such a way. I suppose it's more out of neglect than anything else; more people makes a better "party" in my friends' eyes and my parents are happy enough just to see me when they do. I just don't want to inconvenience myself soley to satisfy any of them.

    At 22, I don't enjoy going to bars, movies, the gym, driving, or pretty much any activity that takes me out of my apartment regularly. I realize it isn't "normal" to spend my time alone, but if it's where I'm "happiest" it can't be bad. Right? I've never had an issue with anxiety or depression, but "mindless entertainment" isn't very gratifying when it's essentially all that I do.

    I'm not sure, yet, whether I have an issue with my current lifestyle, but I don't see my behaviors changing any time soon and I wonder if I can rationalize it for myself or if I should seek professional help. I'm interested in some other people's perspective on this so if anyone has any thoughts I'd like to hear them.
     
  2. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,440
    Likes Received:
    0
    My sister led this way of life when she was younger, much younger than you are.. but nonetheless the situation was similiar. Very. There is nothing wrong with enjoying some time alone.. It's how we can take the time to reflect on the things that affect our lives and gives us time to just think and feel free to be ourselves, but you said it loud and clear.. I caught it instantly. You are comfortable. I believe you used Comfort Zone. You've taken a quality pasttime and made it the only thing you are about. That isn't beneficial to you at all. Your home is your sanctuary, and it should be the place where you are happy and relaxed and things are just how you prefer them, but sweetie, you are compromising the relationships of the people that care about you for solitude and confinement for no other reason than you found yourself in a rut and it became a way of life. You've completely lost the motivation to enjoy your life and that isn't fair to you, despite how you feel just sitting alone all day.

    You mentioned psychiatric help. YES. Get it and utilize the coping and learning tools that your doctor offers because he/she has made it their lifes work to help people like you return to normal function and become a worthy contribution to society. You owe it to to you to give yourself a chance. You're 22 now and these can be some of the best, most rewarding years of your life and you're wasting them away because you don't want to risk being temporarily afraid of returning to normalcy. Please, please get help. If nothing other than to leave your self made prison for a couple of hours a week.

    I will tell you now how my parents handled my sisters attempt at becoming a hermit. She was grounded out of the house every Friday night and forced to enjoy herself. Now she is brimming with so much happiness and enjoyment for life, as well as her friends and a fiance that makes her happy.
     
  3. Blahaboxxx

    Blahaboxxx OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2004
    Messages:
    957
    Likes Received:
    1
    I think this is a pretty good assessment of the situation. I hadn't really considered it but I've been like this since long before even high school. I guess I can't say "problem solved" yet, but realizing that adults do not behave this way is probably a good starting point for me.
     
  4. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,440
    Likes Received:
    0
    Like I had mentioned prior, you suggest counselling for yourself which means that you are aware of the problem and it seems like the only thing stopping you might be the motivation to change something that you are so used to. Maybe you could find it possible to seek out one of your closer friends and have them help you. I know you said you weren't too close to anyone, but you have to start somewhere and refreshing a stale friendship isn't a bad idea at all. Besides you'd have someone that could help be the voice of motivation you might not always have.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    It's kind of a saving grace that you're apparently so satisfied with the thin watery unnourishing life you've constructed for yourself. By your description, you're just a stone's throw from being a total shut-in.

    Give it a few more years, let those personal relationship deteriorate a bit more and you'll find that you don't even have those "drinking buddies" to fall back on those rare times when you need to breathe some fresh air.

    If you're satisfied with the way things are currently...well ok, but my opinion is that you might want to make some movement towards building a fuller richer life. I think that once you get a taste of living, I mean, really LIVING you won't want to return to the cell you call an apartment.

    But I also recognize that change never comes until someone wants it, craves, it, demands it, and consequently is willing to do what it takes.

    Some arbitrary opinions here won't really do much to change your mind either way. Except if you got some agreeable opinions here, that would REASSURE you that things aren't that far out of whack.

    And that's what I suspect you really came here for. Some part of you realises this is not normal, and ultimately, will be unfulfilling.

    So you came here looking for reassurance that this isn't the case, that you're just having some good quality personal time, playing some video games, and nothing is really that wrong.

    But deep down... you know that isn't the case. That's why you're here.


    So.....when you're ready...a therapist will be there for you.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    From another story i once heard it was said that 'this person' saught solitude because it was 'people who made him unhappy'. And that he was perfectly fine with being alone.

    This might resemble the life that you live, i can only tell you there's 'more' outside, the whole idea is that you should participate in things in the 'outside' world that make you feel comfortable. You shouldn't go do things that make you feel really bad, going to a bar, disco or whatever that you are particpating in, what you need to do is to give yourself a chance, and find outside activities that you do not dislike. Although im a computer freak, i love skating. Or just fill in whatever you want. If you like something, then repeat it next week, if you find another activity to do that you enjoy add it to that , and if you constantly add outside door activies that you enjoy to do, you will enjoy going outside :wavey:
     
  7. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2005
    Messages:
    970
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Arizona
    ARE you HAPPY?
     

Share This Page