Unfortunately, when we are insecure about a relationship...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by evh, Sep 9, 2009.

  1. evh

    evh Active Member

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    we harm it further by being clingier because we need reassurance. But by doing so you reinforce that you are forever hers and remove in her mind any doubt that you might not always be there. And then passion is extinguished. It is a fact of human nature.



    Just thought I'd share.
     
  2. ACLdestroyer

    ACLdestroyer OT Supporter

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    Super true. Answer is simple, recognize what the common mistakes are and make a conscious effort to avoid them.
     
  3. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    I be fuckin' this up right now.

    The LDR is hard.
     
  4. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    If you're in a relationship and at the point where you 'can't live with out them' that needs to be your first sign to step back and re-evaluate your decisions.
     
  5. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Yeah.

    Easier said than done.
     
  6. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    :hsugh:

    Pick up your balls and be a man.


    Or just hand me your man card. :rolleyes:
     
  7. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    They're in a purse 400 miles away.
     
  8. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    So even easier.

    "Hey, I can't do this any more. I'd say dont drive down my street looking for me but your ass is 400 miles away."
     
  9. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    What is this? 'evh tells us about human nature' day? There's some truth to what you say, but it's far from being as clear cut as you put it. In healthy relationships people can be insecure at times and be reassured without it threatening the relationship or even causing stress on it. The example you describe is only when a relationship is fucked already.
     
  10. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    inescure = no trust

    no trust = failed relationship
     
  11. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    I don't want to hijack this thread...BUT..hypothetical situation...

    I'm afraid I have shown a girl that I "cant live without them"...how do I reverse this without completely cutting off contact?
     
  12. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Start distancing yourself.

    Show her that SHE isnt the ONLY thing in your life. Keep up w/ the VW scene, keep up w/ your buddies, dont text her every minute of the day, dont get your stomach in a twist when you dont hear from her for 6 hours. Just be YOU before you met HER.
     
  13. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    :h5:
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    :wavey: here to help homie, and you're a local, well semi local, always down to get some brews or :420: son. I need to get up to Boston again.

    Back on topic, just dont let her consume everything you do. If you have to call/check with a girl before doing something and you ARENT married, you're doing it wrong.
     
  15. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Is it possible to reconcile a healthy relationship starting from this point?
     
  16. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    :werd:

    Hasn't gotten quite that bad. Just going to withdraw myself as much as possible for now. If she wants it she can come get it :naughty:
     
  17. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    I think you have to be able to show her you can live your life independently from her. She'll respect you that much more.
     
  18. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Honestly, from my experiences, if the girl/SO enjoys it, it is what SHE wants, and what she is accustom to, usually not. Cause all of a sudden shes looking at you like, "Why this sudden change?".

    Its hard for you to tell your SO that you've dedicated all this time to, after all this time that you "need more alone time". Its almost like what you've 'made' yourself to be is fake. But realistically, you've made YOURSELF into what SHE wants/wanted. Or better yet, you made yourself her 'perfect' boyfriend.

    It all comes down to confidence. From the beginning if you let your gf/SO know that you are an active person, have an active social life, and she ISNT the center of your world, things would go smoother

    But if you start to date a girl then everything you do revolves around her... why shouldnt she love it? How would you take it if for 6 months, every day, you got EVERYTHING you could have possibly wanted... then it was stripped away?

    See what im getting at?
     
  19. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    And this is so true.

    Sadly I've fucked my independent life up and will have to struggle to get it back, and what's worse is yeah, no one is happy submitting themselves to some other person forever, there's just much pressure on me now to get back what I lost but I'm in a deep fuckin' rut at the moment. Gave up a lot of work when I let myself go for her.
     
  20. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Yeah, both of us every day for 8 months. Then in a matter of 2 days she moved 400 miles away. I feel naked.
     
  21. evh

    evh Active Member

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    No that's not true. You will RUIN the relationship unless you actively demonstrate a little doubt here and there in regards to whether you will "always with 100% certainty be there for her".

    When you get to the stage of being in love, this doubt becomes not only unnecessary, but hurtful to the relationship.
     
  22. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Yeah that will definitely do it.

    Even while in a relationship I make sure to limit the amount of time we see each other. You always need to leave something to 'be desired' or 'be missed' in a sense. Keeps things 'fresh'
     
  23. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    What was the reason behind the move?
     
  24. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Relationships have to have room for insecurity, man. People are human and humans have insecurities. If having insecurities was the death sentence you make it out to be, everyone would be single. Ever hear of people getting cold feet before a wedding? Sometimes life is just intense and it shakes people up. In a healthy relationship, the couple deals with insecurities and grows because of their ability to work together. If you expect people to never feel insecure, you expect too much.

    Are there situations where being insecure in a relationship is a bad thing? Of course. I'm not trying to argue otherwise. But you cannot simply say that having insecurities is a bad thing for a relationship because that simply isn't true. Sorry to burst your revelation bubble, but no matter what life lesson you just learned, you can't make such broad general statements and expect them to fit every situation.

    What is your next thread going to be "once a cheater always a cheater" or maybe "you can't teach an old dog new tricks". :rofl:
     
  25. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    She wants[ed] to be an "actress." "Model" too.


    She gave up on school, was a year and a half behind and she needed to follow her dream...
     

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