SRS uneasy situation with girl/coworker

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fighted, Jul 23, 2007.

  1. fighted

    fighted OT Supporter

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    About two months ago a new girl got hired on at this restaurant i work at. We hit it off instantly and got along very well for the first three or so weeks there. After the first few shifts we ended up hanging out alone. One of those times she even went as far as to show up at the bar a friend/coworker and I went to after work uninvited. She said she just figured we’d be there cause she heard us talking about going. during the conversation she insisted on getting my number and then made sure i had hers too. After my friend/coworker left, her and I sat alone and talked for about an hour after the bar closed till I told her I felt like leaving. there was tons of chemistry.

    I started to realize that i really liked this girl and was certain she felt the same. My coworkers felt the same also and pushed the idea of us getting involved on me and likely her. The day i decided that i was going to make some sort of move i come to learn she had just started dating another guy a couple of days earlier, whom she is currently still with. It sucked to learn this, but it was my fault for not acting quickly and ultimately it is probably for the best cause dating coworkers usually leads to problems.

    Fast forward to now and things are just awkward and tense between us and i have no reason why. we still do a little bit of flirting and light verbal sparing, but most of the time it feels as we couldn't carry on a semi-serious five minute conversation to save our lives. Pretty much the only time her and i actually have conversations is when all of us go out to a bar after work. Maybe the alcohol loosens the both of us up?

    Sometimes I am certain that she not only is no longer interested, but that she just doesn't even like me as a person. Then other times i still think she is as at least slightly intrigued. Her and I still have tons of eye contact, she giggles at my dumb jokes most of the time, and she nearly always is first to offer help when i generally ask for some assistance. Strangely about two weeks ago she went as far as to retract an invitation half way through giving it to go to a concert that she issued to everyone else sitting at the table with us(about 4 or 5 others) after she glanced at her boyfriend while talking to me about it, i have no idea what to think of that.

    A couple of weeks ago jokingly i called her fat cause she was eating some cake and she flipped her shit and smashed the piece of cake in my face. I was shocked by this cause everyone there jokes around like that and she has said very similar things to me before. To me that seems like something someone would do only if they dislike the person or hold their opinion in high regard. Then that same night she needed a ride to the bar that we always go to after work and asked me for a ride knowing full well she would have to sit side by side in the passenger seat with another co worker. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but she could of gotten a ride with a different girl from work and been comfortable. Also, the times that we do talk she hardly ever talks about her boyfriend, while talking about him with everyone else.

    I could probably deal with just seeing her a couple of days a week at work, but recently she has started becoming good friends w/ the two coworkers of mine that also happen to be my best friends in this city. So now the tension is coming into my personal life, not just work.

    I wont lie, I am a little bitter over the way she's acting, not really about her having a bf though. While I am still very attracted to her, all i really want from the situation is a sense of ease back with her and possibly someone that i figure could make a good friend. I almost want to directly approach her on the issue, but I feel that would probably be a very big mistake.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2007
  2. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    Her change in attitude is probably her way of keeping herself a safe distance from you. She was interested in you, but is afraid of getting too close to you now that she has a bf. I don't think you should have "acted sooner". You were going at a pace that was comfortable for you and if you sped it up it might have been problematic. What happened is simply unfortunate.

    If you confront her it's going to drive her nuts with all the thoughts in her head. She seems pretty confused already. How long has she been with this other guy? Maybe if you give it some time she will relax and be her old self around you again.
     
  3. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Avoid her, keep your distance.
     
  4. fighted

    fighted OT Supporter

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    i think a little over a month

    i've been trying to but shes hanging out with my friends alot now. about half the time they call me to go out i get there and bam, this girl is there too.

    and it's not like she's some sort of attention whore or instigator type. she's a sort of weird science girl who's actually pretty quiet and when i first met her told me she can have pretty bad social anxiety.
     
  5. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    She's trying to distance herself (emotionally) from you which means lots of denial and immaturity. Just keep acting as you normally would and hopefully she'll come around. If not, drop her; she's not worth your efforts.
     
  6. fighted

    fighted OT Supporter

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    Have to say, just posting this and seeing the responses, mainly kevogt350's, was therapeutic and really did a great job of reframing the situation for me.

    I figure that I'm just going to basically leave things as is with her. I'll possibly try to just talk to her as i do to any normal friend and hopefully she'll just warm up and just leave the flirting and goofing off to an absolute minimum from this point on.

    After hanging out with my friends, she was there too, a couple of times this past week I've realized I'm becoming less attracted to her, and am starting to notice her physical and personality flaws.

    I think we are both responsible somewhat for the rapid degradation of our dynamic. To give her the benefit of the doubt I did engage her less once i found out she was in a relationship, by why should I have put time and effort into a lost cause?

    Way I see it now is if/when she breaks up with her bf I'll wait about two weeks and if I'm single I'll be blunt and ask her out directly. I hear her complain about him alot so I'm certain this will happen soon. I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for it though. And if it doesn't then she's not someone I would want to get involved with in the first place cause it shows she has a lack of self respect.
     
  7. e r y k

    e r y k New Member

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    youre doing the right thing, dont shit where you eat :)
     

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