SRS Understanding how to help a Family Member in times of need (Extremely Long)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JustJeff, Nov 21, 2006.

  1. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Hey guys at the Asylum! This post is really more of an informative one. I sat in a hospitol for 11 hours yesterday. My brother went thru a banding process on his stomach (I forgot what he called it... sorta something like a gastric bypass). Anywho, in that time, I decided to write what was on my mind, and included some things said by one of the other guys who had the same surgery done. it's really hard to see a family member in horrible shape and helpless. It really almost made me sick to my stomach. It was hard to stand there at the time of his worst, but I did. I wanted to be there for my brother as much as possible, even if it meant that i had to use one of my very few days left home. (I go away to college. I have a week off for thanksgiving, so I don't have much time to do what I want). Anyway, I would like to share what I wrote yesterday. I don't know exactly where it is going, but it might help those who read it.

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    I noticed something today as I sat in the recover room with my brother. he had a surgery and was recovering from it. They had him on a strict diet and permanantly restricting the amount he could eat. Of course, he was overweight, but it was probably more of a "luck of the draw", or unlucky if you'd like to say, that made him the only overweight one through the three of us (brothers). We had conflicting outlooks on the surgery. I felt that anything can be done soley on the will power of the individual: my brother on the other hand feels that he needs help on certain issues and forced to make the right decision, even if he knows what that answer is. Though even with these conflicting outlooks, the problem will have the same solution in the end, hopefully.

    It's hard to say that my brother's approach is right, but to him it's what he has to do. And, anyway, who am I to tell him what he can and cannot do to himself to make him feel better? I sorta feel bad that he's gone through so much about his weight when I have it so easy. Hopefully this will give him a new outlook on life.

    "The only people that talk you out of doing this (banding stomach surgery) are the people that have never done it. Those that have done it will tell you it's the best thing to ever happen to them." -- Fellow patient

    He gave me one of the best compliments today (yesterday). He told me, "I'm glad that Jeff came. He kept me calm. Otherwise I probably would be dying of nervousness." I think this experience will make us closer than ever before. I'm just glad that he is making a good recovery or I would of been heart-broken.

    It's really hard to see him in this condition. He is usually so cheerful and has so much energy in his voice but now that's gone. Well, I guess that's because he was only 2 hours out of surgery and was still in pain, but it just kills me to see him like that. After today, he should be back to normal. He will probably be a little depressed because he won't be able to eat. He will be on a liquid only diet for 2 weeks. I told him that i'd be able to do a liquid diet and he laughed at me. I'd probably give on the first or second day.

    I was thinking it would be cool to do a "you-tube" video like those guys on the internet do but with my brother's weight. If he took a picture of himself every day for the next few months, I feel that he will be able to visually see the change that he has made on himself. It might actually bring a small internet fame to him if we do it right... he would like that. He likes the attention.

    But, in the end, I don't think that the choice that he made was wrong. However much I may disagree with it, that doesn't mean his choice and path are wrong. Not everyone is like me, or like him. We have to decide what is best for us and not jump the bandwagon of an idea that everyone else might agree with. We have to be our own people and our own selves.

    My brother gets out of the hospitol tomorrow (today) and I hope he feels better. I'm only home for 1 week and I wish I had more time. I feel like he needs more attention so that he can make a full recovery. This is his time to be the one to be helped and I'm willing to make personal sacrifices to help him. That's why I've given up one of my days to sit in the hospitol from 9am this morning to about 6pm (it turned out to be 7 after writing this). With only one week home, giving him 1/7th of my time in town shows how much I care about him. (that will be increased, since tomorrow we are chilling :p)

    I want everything to go well for him. I know he won't regret his choice. I just hope his mental stability won't tear down as his weight goes down. It will be a big change in his life.My every thought is with him and I hope that his future only has open doors for him to take. I really think that this will be a huge n ew chapter in the book of his life and I'm glad to be part of it.
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    Cliffs:
    - brother was in hospitol all day
    - i spent the whole day with him to make sure he was okay
    - i don't agree with his choice, but i accept it
    - hopefully he will recover okay


    I guess... what I want to point out, is that we all have different lives and different schedules. Sometimes, we have to make sacrifices for other people to make them better. Our lives are short, and we need to live it to the fullest.

    The strongest thing you can do is to argue your point, but NEVER EVER SAY that yours is the right choice. There is no right choice. What may be right for you may be wrong for another person.
     
  2. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    :bigthumb: We all have our views and opinions of what should be or not be. But people (including those we love) are going to do what they choose to do whether we like it or not. we all should be there to support one another's decisions (at least the ones that aren't criminal, illegal, or grossly immoral :p ).

    It's hard to sacrifice free time and sit in a hospital all day or night, time seems to stop and there's not much to keep one entertained there....but life is so precious, we never know what an hour from now or tomorrow brings. Last summer my husband and I spent almost every free moment we had visiting his gramma in the hospital. Between all that we were selling a house/moving, he took a summer class, etc., all on top of us both working full time. She was hospitalized for 3 months before she passed, and for most of that 3 months she wasn't able to move much, communitcate or speak to us, but her face would light up when we'd visit....that alone was worth the trips.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Do the video thing, like the girl that took pics of herself every day for 2 years or whatever.
     
  4. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Do you have a link to that?
     

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