SRS undermining girlfriend

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JordanClarkson, Sep 13, 2008.

  1. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I feel dumb for allowing this to happen, but when I look back I can see a pattern of how my exgf was able to eliminate my friendships one by one.

    1. There was a car enthusiasts club that I belonged to for 3-4 years. We'd have get togethers, bbq's, cruises, etc. The last time I saw them was during a member's bday party where my gf came along with me. She didn't try to talk to anybody the entire time and looked very depressed. I ignored it because she was embarrassing me in front of my friends. She wanted to go on the trampoline down the hill, but since nobody else was using it and I didn't want to, I didn't want to be the one to ask the host and she refused to ask herself. Then she disappeared and I didn't see her for about an hour. When we all went out front I saw her walking from up the road talking on the phone. :rolleyes:

    So now people are talking about going bowling or something and she says "should they be driving?" because we all had jello shots. :ugh: So I'm just talking to her about whatever and everyone's acting pretty chill... out of nowhere she says loudly "chris, they won't even talk to us. they hate us!" I embarrassingly look over and realize that she's right, that everyone has their own little group and we are in our own group. I mean that was cool with me and all, but it made me think "wait, you're right, why is no one talking to us?" It was a bit awkward when we got there because I didn't even know of the bday party as it simply coincided with a club meeting that we had with another club. Very odd and had I had known I would've gone canyon carving with the other club since that was my plan, but my gf was the one who wanted to stick with our group.

    Now she gets in the car and I get in there with her. She's balling her eyes out and I tell her to just go that we can leave and get out of here. She starts the car and we leave, though I'm thinking just a few circles around the block might calm her down, but no, we left to go back home and that's the last I ever saw of my car peeps. :hs:

    2. We get a super cool coworker, a girl who's a lot like my ex as she's very outspoken, unapologetic, borderline arrogant. We go out to breakfast after work selling roses all across town (it's 3am now). Everything is going great and the conversation is flowing so smoothly between all of us. The new girl is not intimidated by me and isn't afraid to talk girl-talk with me around. When we get back and say goodbyes, my gf tells me how she was so annoyed with the new chick and how the girl acts like a maniac. I mean the girl may have had ADD, but well so did my chick so I don't know how she could complain. I figured they'd become best friends or something you know? So I toned it down with the new girl since I figured if my girl doesn't want to be friends with her then I'm not going to go behind her back and make her feel like shit, just like I wouldn't want her to befriend a guy I thought was an asshole. :dunno:

    3. This guy I have known since I was 3 years old and we have hung out with him and his gf before. I asked him if he wanted to go on a trip to Lake Arrowhead or Big Bear during spring break, similar to what we did with my parents when we were like 8 and he was cool with that, but he wanted me to drive down an hour to him and go from there which I was fine with. It added an hour to the trip but gas wasn't too bad back then and I wanted to spend some time in L.A. My gf though refused and thought that was selfish of him. Well I didn't know what I was supposed to do. This chick was dying to go on vacation but couldn't drive an hour to pick someone up? We could've drove there separately but it wouldn't have been as much fun. I think we simply took a trip through AZ instead. The last time I saw that friend was when we had dinner with him. :hs:

    I acted like a doormat but it was more being brainwashed to think that my friends were evil, and I expected to be able to hold her to the same standards because fairness is extremely important to me, but anytime I had an issue with one of her friends she never acknowledged it.

    I can't fathom how people can act like this and still consider themselves human. To me it takes a purely evil satanic possession in order to pull off such a sabotage of another person's life. I look back for clues as to why I act so differently around people than I used to. A part of me is still paranoid about whether or not people like me or what they really think of me, etc. That's not how I used to be at all and I can't seem to shake it. I don't know if I'm better off like this or what.
     
  2. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Its a good thing you realized it. Now you can do something about it. She many not even realize how much this affects you, she may just be enjoying the drama or she is insecure and intimidated by the fact that you have strong relationships with other people as well. Its time for you to step in and tell her she needs to start respecting your friends or that they are not a threat to her.

    You will have another girlfriend, but you will NEVER have another childhood friend.
     
  3. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I'm trying to not overthink things and instead just be like I used to be. Ignorance is bliss.
     
  4. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    I don't think you should confront her and get into arguments, but I would never let someone just step between me and longtime friendships. How can you give up a possibly lifelong friendship for a girl that might just be ignorant or a little insecure and not do anything about it? I don't think this situation is so dire that you have to decide one way or another, but you can instill better thoughts into her head about your friends imo.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I know why this happend.

    Because she is selfish. She wants you for her , and her alone. Her world revolves around her alone, you are an object that is allowed in her world because you forfill her needs. The other people aren't , so that's why she tries to get rid of them. Everything that isn't occuring along with her selfish needs is wrong, and needs to go.

    She has a keen eye and sees the negativity in other people. But she can't defend herself, she is like a sponge that absorbs this negativity.

    Giving in to these people is wrong. Its better to have a 'i'll leave you if you don't play along' attitude. That way they know they can't force you to give up your friends, that life is what you make of it, and that if you want things to become happy you'll have to work for it.

    Everything becomes negative if you only read the negative things into it, if you always see the glass half empty instead of half full, then you don't understand that you yourself are also a decisive key into the 'life is what you make of it' process. Even if these people formed their own group, that doesn't mean its a 'bad thing' These kind of people have mental problems, and need a psychiater.
     
  6. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I was such a positive person before I met her and still am somewhat. I have called her out on being selfish on occasion and she responds by pretending to run out into the road to get hit by a car. So then I was afraid to criticize her for things like that. I know she needs help, but after everything that's gone on, whether it was intentional or not, I just don't want anything to do with her anymore.

    I'm a lot more weary now of people who are constantly negative and putting down others. As for reaching out to old friends I'll try to do so. We usually find each other on IM once in a blue moon.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yeah you know, you should just think: Return to where i was, and from there move on to become a better person. That will work out much better for you as well as contacting your old friends.
     
  8. BlackMagik

    BlackMagik And now the robot starts to think...

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    Dude. I swear you basically just described almost perfectly what my ex was like whom I just broke up with after 3 years only a couple weeks ago. The first few days I was very depressed about the whole thing, but then after a week I started to finally analyze things about our relationship, and I realized how I had allowed her to completely strip me of my dignity, and any remnants of my personality. I really honestly believed that I was in love with her, and I felt like I absolutely needed her in my life, but after she moved away to college, she instantly became a distant bitch on the phone to me, and we decided to break up.

    I can't believe I let her take absolute control of my life, I let her make all the decisions, she decided who we hung out with, she always criticized me for starting to drink more when I turned 21 saying that I was a "loser trying to look cool", she would always say some really rude shit to me, including calling me fat once in front of my friends.

    Needless to say, that's the last time I let some bitch take control of my life. Guess it's just a lesson learned, I'm just lucky I learned it pretty young. She was my first real serious girlfriend, so I hope you can understand how I let all that shit happen. :hs:
     
  9. Mystery Guest

    Mystery Guest New Member

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    Wow, you sound like me. My girl is the same way, hates my friends, my parents, or anyone that is close with me. GF and I have been together for 9 years, a lot of us have gone our seperate ways. Most due to my gf pushing me away from them. I sat back and assesed my sutiation and realized she was right about some of them, on the other hand some of it was my fault for complaining about the friends in the first place and in turn shed a negative light on them.

    However, in the case of my other friends and parents. She still talks shit about them, I ignore it. If I hang out with my friends, or parents she is not involved or invited for I do not want to hear her talk shit when I leave or make me feel uncomfortable when I am there.
     

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