SRS Underaged and Engaged Update

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JBunni, May 27, 2009.

  1. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I didnt feel like reopening the 'how to I tell my family I am engaged' thread, so here is an update.

    Believe it or not, I did seriously think about the suggestions mentioned here about not going through with this. I discussed it throughly with my fiance, and we did decide to move forward.

    His family is being emotionally supportive, while mine is at least being financially supportive.

    My dad is hesitant, but being helpful. He will can talk about it without running away, but its still a little difficult. He is a printer and has offered to help us with the inviations.

    My mom is accepting, but still acting like somewhat of a jerk. She is paying for the wedidng, and is finding lots of ways to hold the money over our heads and subliminally protesting. For instance: While we were looking over the venue (ceremony and reception are being held at the same site) she had to complain that the reception hall was too far from the ceremony lawn. The rep said no one had EVER complained of that before and she has done tons of weddings there. Also, right before paying the deposit on the place, she had the rep go in depth on their cancellation policies and kept trying to figure how much money she would get back if we back out.
    Also, I feel like she keeps overrideing decisions I make about the wedding, on the basis that "she is paying". She made the biggest fit about having her name listed first on the invite since she is paying, even though what I was showing her was not the real invites, but a small mock up of something I was just thinking about. When I did have the invitation wording, I showed her and she decided we had to change it because she didnt like it.

    I told my aunt, but I havent told my uncles. I have been trying to find the right time. I want to do it in person, but everyone has been a bit busy lately.

    The person being the worst about it is my sister. She is an extremely immature and spoiled child of 17. She cannot get enough of insulting us and telling us how stupid we are. If we ever get into an arguement at the house it leads to her saying how it doesnt matter cuz I'm moving out in a few months anyway, etc.

    I'm not sure if anyone wants/ cares to read this, but its helps me a little to write it out. I feel I dont have a lot of people I can rant to about this without them getting bored. Anyway, that is the update.
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you can put an end to all of this by not letting her pay.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Your mom being a bitch is normal. That's how it is when you are relying on her to fund your entire wedding, especially since I think I recall you saying it will cost $10,000 :eek3: I would laugh in my 19 years olds face if she expected me to fund her wedding. She's going to hang it over your head and act as if her word still goes because ultimately you're still a 19 year old girl rushing a wedding that she's not even confident in.

    Does the fact that pretty much no one supports your decision sink in at ALL? Because it doesn't seem to and that's sad.
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    exactly.

    my dad was dragging his feet so my husband and i said nevermind and planned a wedding we could afford on our own.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    BUT, BUT......THEY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY!!!
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    but she wants it all.............she wants to be underage AND have her mom pay for the wedding AND have her mom like it, and she won't be satisfied until/unless she gets all 3.



    funny, the person I feel for most is her b/f. living under this kind of control isn't going to be fun.
     
  7. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    then you go to the courthouse and get married there :)

    or, if having the big white wedding is really what that day is all about, then let your mom do whatever she wants

    its all about choices. they all have consequences. suck it up and deal with them like an adult if you are making an adult decision

    dont forget, the entire point of that day is to join yourselves as husband and wife. nothing else matters like that does. if you are overly concerned about other things, maybe you arent as ready for this as you think you are....
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you summed up the entire last thread in one post.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:
     
  10. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    We dont have the money and cant afford it on our.

    Btw, I know this isnt that imporant, but being called 19 is starting to bug me a little. I'm 20, he is 19.

    Yes, I want the white wedding. I want a little piece of my grandmothers inheritance before it all disappears to my mothers insanity of buying shit she doesnt need, and buying my sister shit she doesnt need. I've never really had a party for myself. I didnt get a graduation party because we couldnt afford it. I didnt go to prom because I was working two jobs to take as much financial strain off my mother as possible after my parents divorce. I havent gotten many opportunities to have a 'fancy party' for myself, and so yeah, I want the whole white wedding. I realize that getting married is the important part, and I could live with doing a small civil ceremony, but my dream wedding is within my reach for a short while. I can put up with my mother, although I dont like it. Again, sometimes just getting to rant helps.

    And we do get that not many people support us, and no one fully supports us.
     
  11. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    so essentially you're getting married because you want a big, free party?


    because it's a bad idea.
     
  12. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    You aren't entitled to jack shit from your grandmothers inheritance, sorry. You mom is, that was her mother.

    There are things we want vs. things we can afford. I want a new house......guess what? If you can't afford a large wedding, then go to the courthouse and get married for the standard marriage license fee. When you get older, and have the money, then you can have a traditional wedding. If you want a big party, then I suggest you pay for it.

    No offense, but you seem to have a lot of wants, and a big sense of entitlement. You have to work for things in life, nobody is going to give them to you.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :wtc: I never had a birthday party or graduation party. I also didn't go to my prom because I didn't feel like buying my own dress. I also worked 2 jobs throughout HS. Does that mean I deserve a big wedding? God no! You come off sounding like a brat with a capital B, no matter what your families financial background.

    You either put up with your families lukewarm feelings and mom's bad attitude about paying or you grow up and realize that it's really not crazy to either have a very small cheap wedding OR go to the courthouse, get married, and a few years down the line if you are still together really celebrate and prove to your family that you two are the real thing by having your "dream" wedding.

    :rofl:

    .
     
  14. Ricky

    Ricky █▄ █▄█ █▄ ▀█▄

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    19 and 20 year old getting married?

    this has bad idea written all over it.
     
  15. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
  16. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    You can wear a white dress in Vegas.
     
  17. Jake!

    Jake! Guest

    I hope your fiancee realizes that this is a bad idea and bails.
     
  18. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    it's her life, let her make her own mistakes. At this point saying anything is useless, when she gets older, she will be able to look back on this whole thing with a clear head. And hopefully learn something.
     
  19. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Wait you can't afford it on your own so you want your mom to pay but then you complain when she's bitching :bowrofl: Get off your high horse and just go to the courthouse or fly to vegas and make it a ceremony for 2 you talk about your mom blowing money on stupid shit when you don't have the money yourself to spend but you want to blow 10k on a reception talk about a waste of money on one day.

    I'm with you he's too young to realize he's going to be miserable when he realizes he's missing out on the best years of his young life.

    oh the ironing of this statement :mamoru:
     
  20. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    which is exactly what i did. the money we saved on the ceremony, we spent on our honeymoon, which lasted 8 days, instead of 3 hours (like the ceremony/reception did)
     
  21. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    :werd:

    be a responsible self-sufficient adult and have a wedding that you can afford through your own money

    if you have to, get married legally, have the church cerimony in a rental dress, have a small reception at your house and make the food and beverages between yourself and your family

    what should matter most here, as stated above, is the celebration of your union, not how awesome your dress looks or how good you can rock a reception. having a close, loving day with your family is what should matter
     
  22. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    if I had to do it again I'd get married on a caribbean island. I forget the exact numbers, but the place we stayed had 2 weddings/day and I asked the planner some questions.

    we had about 200 people at our wedding. honestly, 150 of them could have not shown up and I wouldn't have cared (and they probably wouldn't have, either). of the 50 left, we *really* only wanted maybe 15 (moms, dads, siblings, their kids, special people).

    the resort had a deal with the neighboring hotel. we could have paid the exact same to fly 15 people to the island, have our wedding, AND give them all a 3 day/2 night vacation, as it cost to have a 200 person wedding.

    how fucking cool would that have been? fly to the island with 15 family/friends, get married, we stay at the resort for the full 8 days/7 nights, family/friends get a vacation that's free to them, we get the exact same bill.

    i jokingly said to the wife "that's what we should have done" and she said "I know." I made an :eek3: face and she said "how cool would it have been to pay for our parents and brothers/sisters to take a vacation they'd never buy for themselves?" I said "then come home and have a big party for the people we didn't invite" and she agreed. It would have been win/win/win/win for everyone.
     
  23. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    THEN WAIT !!!!!!!!!
     
  24. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    when i was planning our wedding, everyone told me that if they had to do it all over again, they would have saved the money and gone to vegas. so i did. now, if i had to do it all over again, i would have gone to the courthouse the next day and saved even more money

    in the end, it was nice to have people there to support us, but i really was just ready for them all to leave. i didnt notice a single person in the room during the ceremony except my husband, and the reception was exhausting trying to see everyone, thank everyone and feel like we got to visit with these people that came out to see us.

    my brother got engaged a month after our wedding, and i told him he should elope. he thought i was crazy, until he experienced his own wedding and realized why i told him to elope....
     
  25. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    shit she doesn't need....like a wedding that isn't hers?

    :crying: awww never had a party...I never had a party for any of that shit either and worked my ass off through high school to make sure I had enough food to eat. I never went begging other people to pay for me.

    I know you feel like you really want this, but it sounds like you expect that because you were cheated out of something that you wanted (aka graduation party), that it's fair that you should have a big wedding at the cost of someone else's expense. We all have to handle our own situations and not blame others for what life threw our way. You should work to get the money you need and have the big party when you can afford it.

    You say that the big party is within your reach for a short while. No it isn't. You can have the party later, there's no rush.
     

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