Under what conditions should you stop trying to raise interest level?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I've heard mentions on here of guys using seduction techniques to completely turn their relationships around (ie. save a relationship where the girl is losing interest).

    But I'm wondering, if a girl is losing interest, is it really worth trying to save? Isn't that indicative of compatibility issues? Wouldn't modifying your behavior in order to raise her interest be "fake?" Is that why they call it the "game?"

    So say you're in a relationship where things are going sour. When should you use techniques to try to raise her interest level vs. when should you just give up?
     
  2. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    don't ever change for someone..if a girl is becomming bored with you then maybe it's just her but simply modifying how you do things or what you do could help.
     
  3. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Its an impossible question to answer. Seduction techniques are like a swiss army knife. If things are not going the way you want, you have the tools/technology available to get what you want.

    So many men and women are in relationships and are unhappy but don't know what they can do about it. THAT is when to use it.

    Also, most of the seduction techniques mean that they work 100% of the time in this way: Things change, or the relationship ends. This is by design. You have to be prepared to destroy a relationship in order to save it.
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    its not about techniques.

    its about growing, changing, and becoming a man.

    its about overcoming your social conditioning that has made you believe you are worth less than a woman and that you should always work to please her.

    its about creating your own world that she fits into, and if she decides to not be a part of it, you let her go and you find someone else.
     
  5. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Change is crucial to success. We must all face change every day. The whole "Don't change" concept is the "stick your head in the sand" approach in my opinion. You MUST change, every day, every year, all the time. Without change you stagnate and die.

    But change how? I mean do something different. Don't have a routine. Don't always go to the same restaurant. Try new things! Go new places!

    And most importantly - if you are always serious, then you MUST change. Serious is boring to women.

    I usually judge interest within the first minute. I don't try too hard based on her negative reaction after that. It's not about raising someone's interest level in my opinion, it's finding someone who actually HAS a high interest level. Then nothing has to change from that perspective, and you can have fun. :big grin:
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    This thread was created cuz I was thinking back to my ex: it's obvious in hindsight that her interest was falling, and I was wondering if I could have done anything to "save" it.

    I think I'm regressing. I don't want to add to all the "I can't stop thinking about my ex" threads, but I'll be ok for a while, and then I'll think about her with some other guy and it makes me sick. I thought what we had was special (she sure told me it was often) but actions speak louder than words.

    Part of me wants to think "we broke up cuz we weren't meant to be," but there's that stupid side of me that is like "maybe I could have done something different." I wish there was a heartache drug you could take to make you stop caring about your ex. I've been through bad breakups before so I know it will go away with time, it just seems to take forever with me.

    Hi, my name is Falconer and I have oneitis.
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Oh, I get it. Yeah, what you need to do is look back and figure out what you were doing and how it did NOT work. Whatever you did, stop doing it in the future.

    I did things like:

    Bought her presents.
    Let her work at a bar (big mistake) and stay out as late as she wanted
    Bought her a car
    Cleaned the house for her
    Bought her a dog (he ended up not liking her! :mamoru: Good old Poco!)
    etc.
    never got mad at her for anything.
    Let her get away with everything. Even forgave her for cheating on me 3 times. :doh:

    Looking back, those types of things were all mistakes.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I'd like to think that my ideal gf could work at a bar and I shouldn't have to be worried about anything.

    But then again, I'd like to think that my ideal woman wouldn't want to work at a bar.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Let's talk about this.

    One thing I noticed about my ex and I was that when we got in a fight I was always cool and relaxed. I didn't yell, I didn't scream, I didn't throw stuff or smash stuff, etc. I would be very pissed, but I'd be mature and tactful about it. And as I've mentioned in other threads, I was very logical about everything (ie. "you did x, which pissed me off because of y and z" or "you did a, b, and c, which contradicts what you said/did when you did e, f, and g").

    She was the opposite. She'd get pissed. Yell. Stomp out of the room to "cool down" (which I've learned is a personality characteristic I don't like because my ideal gf should not be so hot tempered that she ever has to "cool down.").

    Anyway, do you think my staying calm could have been interpreted by her as "not getting mad?" I think she knew I would be pissed. She would accuse me of having a condescending tone, but then again, people always say that about me, even in school when I'd give presentations. lol.

    Do girls associate emotion/anger in a fight with power? I always thought not acting like that was a sign of maturity. Is that why chicks dig assholes who beat them (not that I would ever do that)?
     
  10. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I did the same thing. I don't think you have to explode, but you DO have to put your foot down. This is a huge topic, really, and I've got a headache so I am not going to get into it right now since I can't think straight. Basically you have to understand that she's acting like a 9-year-old and you get to act like the father figure and tell her to calm down.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Alright. I have a headache today, too. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts when you're feeling better, tho.

    I would tell her to calm down and she'd pull a "you think you're so perfect because you think you're so calm when we fight..." type of deal. I'd be like wtfgrowup. I also learned that girls don't like being told they're acting like high schoolers, or 8-year olds.

    Me: "Seriously, you're acting like an 8-year old."
    Her: "Then why are you with me?"
    Me: "Cuz you're hot, obviously." :dunno:
     
  12. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Instead of trying to calm her down (which is completely against the way women are) channel that same emotional energy into sex.

    She WANTS to be out of control emotionally... women are hooked on emotions. She just wants you to direct her emotions into something positive or into sex.
     
  13. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    I may misunderstand what is meant by "seduction techniques" and what the OP was asking, but if you are doing things in your relationship purely to save the relationship, not growing or changing who you are to be better, then maybe that is a sign that the two people shouldn't be together. If you're thinking, "oh, she's losing interest, so I'll try this maneuver to keep her interest", is that really addressing why she's losing interest? It sounds more like a band-aid fix and for myself, I wouldn't want to keep putting band-aids on a relationship.
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I've done that before. It's fun but it I started getting sick of angry/makeup sex.
     
  15. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    You are right. A clearer way to fit this into the ideas being discussed: If you are doing everything right and her interest is still dwindling, then it wasn't high to begin with (or it had already dropped past the point of no return when you finally woke up to the fact it was dropping) and can't be saved. If it's dropping because you are doing something wrong - being boring, needy or immature - then you can change what you're doing and recover, up to a certain point.
     
  16. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    You've got the idea here. Both statements are true.

    You should be calm, and it does demonstrate maturity. But you shouldn't just sit there and take a beating either. If you aren't going to go for angry makeup sex - which, imo, is rewarding bad behavior and should be avoided - then you should leave her alone until she is calmed down and can talk to you in a rational manner. (This is assuming she is not rightfully mad at you for something you did wrong. If you are in the wrong, you do have to apologize unconditionally and take the beating.)

    The simplest way to explain women stay with abusive men is because they at least aren't wimps. This is called "negative challenge"; the guy has standards and will stand up to her, even though he does so in an unacceptable way. Being sure and not compromising yourself when you are clearly in the right, while remaining calm, shows real male strength.

    You can't make the mistake of trying to argue with a woman, because you will never win. Ever. Women aren't bound by our logic in an argument. But the more important point is this: she was a shrew, and that's something you should've taken into account as far as continuing to date her. Being yelled at for no good reason on a regular basis is not the recipe for happiness in a long-term relationship or (horrors!) a marriage. Now this might seem like running, but if you know it's not going to work, it's always better to get out first. It hurts less, and you waste less of your time and sanity.

    This is all healthy and productive, by the way. Lord knows I have analyzed countless episodes from my past through this filter, and as time goes on I keep analyzing my experiences. The more I do it - and the more I post here, it should be said - the more all this stuff makes sense to me.
     
  17. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Thats exactly right. Like Yail said, the best seduction technique is to live your life as if you were single. The attitude of "I know exactly where I am headed and she can come along for the ride" is one of the most sexy attitudes for to women. The mere idea of 'doing things to save the relationship' is one of the things that will lead to the end of the relationship.

    It is counterintuitive, but if you stop investing energy into being reactive to what she wants, you are more likely to increase her attraction, and save the relationship.... but of course this has to be done in the right way.
     

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