SRS Ugh. Relationship woes

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DrK_Mrk_iV, Jul 11, 2006.

  1. DrK_Mrk_iV

    DrK_Mrk_iV OT Supporter

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    Me and my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up about a month ago. We are both students in college (I'm a sophmore, she's a freshmen). She was going away on a few trips and so was I. Alright cool. We both need a little down time. We were both getting on each other's nerves for awhile and decided it was the best thing to do. Throughout her being gone and me being gone, she would call me up every day and tell me how she misses me and everything like that. When we were both in town, she called me up to hang out... Everyday she and I were both in town. We hooked up of course. Sometimes we just laid in bed and just chilled out. It was fun. She has made it relatively clear she does want to get back together. I would love to get back together with her but, frankly, how do I handle this situation? I've been going out and meeting new girls and whatnot. I mean, I technically am single but none of them stack up to her. I know she's been wanting to go on a date or two with other guys. I'm not really ok with that. She said she still loves me and wants her space and freedom. I mean... She'll call me up almost every night and want to hang out. Some nights I've already made plans and others I'll hang out with her. Basically, I'm not making myself availiable everytime she wants to hang out.

    OT, what should I do. Bring up the convo about getting back together... Or wait for her to do so. Or just pack up and move on? If that, how so?
     
  2. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    Cliffs at bottom. It may make more sense if you read the cliffs first, if you even read the post. :o


    I don't know if this will help you at all, but I'm going through a similar situation as you are.

    My girlfriend and I had been together for over two and a half years. I'm 23 and she's 21, we met in college. We had been somewhat rocky in the past few months -- fighting about trivial things, becoming easily annoyed, etc. While it seems immature, we were watching X-Men 3 and I wanted to stay and watch the ending credits to see the final scene. She complained and said, "This is stupid ... why are we doing this?" I told her that she was being ridiculous and being incredibly impatient. I was growing tired of her constant badgering and questioning. Essentially, she would ask me the same question 10 times, "Did I take the right pill? Check it for me. Do you think I'll be alright?" It grew to be too much to swallow day in and day out. We had an argument about our issues with the relationship and she walked out of my house when we got home from the movie as my mom was making dinner.


    We didn't speak for about a week or so and I decided to call her to see if things could be reconciled. Ultimately, we decided to get back together and spoke about things that bothered us about the other. We spoke about how we could better ourselves individually and as a couple.

    Things were picking up and we had made great strides (atleast I felt so). She had issues in regards to myself and I also had some issues with her. One of her issues was that she felt as though I didn't like to spend time at her parent's house. During the school year, she spent quite a bit of time at my parent's house. During the past month (after our blowup), I spent more time at her house. I would occasionally grow tired of her constant questioning and doubts and would often say unintentially hurtful things. I ceased doing so.

    Things were getting better; we had awesome times with an occassional fight -- but things were looking up. Five days ago, she decided to end our relationship for other reasons she never mentioned to me.

    She had said that she felt I may not be the "right one" for her. We both had not been with many people in our life. She mentioned that I have become too comfortable with where I am. She stated that if I would have had it my way, we would be married with children and living in the same area we currently reside in the future. I had mentioned previously that I enjoyed the area, but would move if need be. She also mentioned that she wanted to leave things to the "unknown" and that I was too comfortable. She didn't want to stay with me because she was "too comfortable" and just being used to me. I would intend to do things and say I would, but she felt I was doing them too slowly and didn't meet her expectations. She had never mentioned these feelings to me and naturally, I was surprised and hurt.

    We both hung up and she contacted me this past Monday, torn whether she had made the right decision. I tried to talk to her and let her know that I felt she did not give us enough time to mend our relationship (she only gave a month). Between sobs, she told me she loved me and cared about me. Yet, she wanted to take a break and see other people (which she mentioned twice). I don't agree with her decision, but I respect it. If we ever would intend getting back together, I don't believe I could coup with knowing she had seen other guys after we dated for so long.

    CLIFFS: Had a big fight, issues were brought up about how each of us could improve ourselves and the relationship, things were getting better (perhaps slowly), one month later she decides to call it off after another fight when instead of going to her parent's house I asked if we could meet half way at her apartment to spend time alone together. She contacts me via email a few days later and we begin talking, she brings up other issues I wasn't aware of. I explain to her I felt I was making headway and she didn't give enough time -- she jumped off the train before it reached the end of the road. She starts crying, wondering if she's doing the right thing, etc. I tell her that we could begin seeing each other casually, trying to improve. She wants to do her own thing and get her own life figured out and perhaps see other people.

    Blah blah, sorry for the long ass post -- it just feels better to get it off my chest. :hsd:
     
  3. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Nice to know that people go through the same things as you do.:hs: I recently had trouble with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. We are younger though, 17 and 18. We were fighting constantly and just annoying each other. I felt like I needed some space because I just couldn't handle us and I kinda missed the freedom of being single. I wanted to flirt and hang out with other people. And it didn't help when he told me he wanted me to go out with other people and "make sure he was the one". I tried it for about a week, but I missed him too much. I may have wanted some freedom, but I loved him and I didn't wanna lose him. We talked about it and I told him what I felt and he talked to me about how he felt. And slowly, but surely, we reconciled and got to be as happy as we were in the beginning. Once you're together for so long, it seems as if the spark starts to die down, but sometimes you just gotta light it up again :naughty:. It's your decision, what's more important to you? All I can say is you can't wait for her forever. She's gotta decide what's right for her, you or her being single. I made mine and I'm happy with it! :wiggle: With any sense she'll talk to you and get back with you, be happy!
     
  4. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    From the sounds of it friend you need to either let her go entirely, or take your situation for what it is, she seems to be making it clear to you she's not interested long term, but she is 'using' you right now for her pleasures, perhaps for company when she has no other and perhaps for feeling loved, physically or emotionally..

    You decide whats best for YOU, but she's obviously unclear, wants her space? give it to her... give yourself respect and move on :)
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    DRK_MRK,

    This is a bad situation because you still like her and she's moved on. When she calls you every night she is using you to fill a void she has at the moment. This is a temporary fix and when she finds someone new she's going to disappear. I don't know about you but I value myself too much as to sit there wanting someone who made it clear they did not want me back, and then continue to allow her to use me as she saw fit.
    You guys dated, it didn't work out. It's time to move on, and move on quick.
     
  6. DrK_Mrk_iV

    DrK_Mrk_iV OT Supporter

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    Thanks guys. She's called me 3 times today thus far... I rarely pick up. Well, I was at work but anyhow. Anyways, she already planned a "big" day for us to hang out on Thursday. Alright cool. But tonight I'm going to straight up tell her. I'm not going to fight a battle that cannot be won and move on. ... And see what her response is. If she doesn't want to continue the relationship then I'm just going to cut off all contact with her and peace out. I'll do it very nice like as a good gentleman should. But that's it.
     
  7. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Do what you trully feel is right in your heart, not what you are affraid will happen or b/c you are affraid of losing some 'possibility' of something happening... Read the signs of what is going on now, and realize time is the best thing for both of you, likely time apart.
     
  8. DrK_Mrk_iV

    DrK_Mrk_iV OT Supporter

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    Right. She loves me more than I love her. I'm not some love stricken guy who "needs" a woman. The past two years with her have been... Interesting. I've had a lot of events happen in my life that has made me a totally different person. And she's stuck there with me. She's a good girl in my book. I will always keep the door open if she ever needs anything. But right now... I need to know whether or not its a run around or the real deal. If it's the run around... I'm going to tell her I need my space away from her for the time being and see how things are in the next month or two. I love OT. :hs:
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If by "love you" you mean as a friend, yes. She's not "in love with you" because she would be with you in that case. There wouldn't be talks or thoughts about leaving at all.
     

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