ugg ad situation and some advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by low20, Jun 6, 2008.

  1. low20

    low20 Member

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    yea so stupid me decided it would be a good idea to date a co-worker...we both started around the same time last year, never really payed much attn to eachother, we both had SO's at the time...anyway, around january this yr we really started hitting it off..both single at this point, sh had just ended an 8mo relationship about 3 weeks before, and i ended a 3 yr relationship about 6 months before...anyway, we hit it off so incredibly well that after a few weeks of hanging out i decided it was ok to go for it..so we kiss etc, take it really slow bc i didnt want to jump into something with a co-worker if it wasnt gonna be something worth while..

    anyway, things went incredible, we became really really close quickly, both had a lot of feelings for eachother and always were very open about how we felt..she always said she had never been able to alk to her bf the way she did to me, and tell them how she felt like she tld me...anyway by mid february we were official and shortly there after we consmated the relationship for real, since b4 was just hands and oral and stuff..sooo

    things still going really well, could not get enough of eachother....at work we kept it a secret, even tho its not against the rules, its an office of 30 close people and shit spreads like fire and we didnt want it to be known...we would always sneak letters, meet a floor up for a quick kiss even got to break in a private bathroom one day on the sink! haha yes! never really had any issues between eachother about work, we were good about keeping it seperate or atleast not fighting over shit that had to do with work...

    sounds great right?

    so rewind to the beginning of the relationship...im 24 as is she...at this point i have a career, and want to start moving forward in life and settle down a bit, not go crazy as much and just chill and grow up bc i feel like im ready to do so and im not big on going out and getting plastered anyway...so when we met she totally agreed, ALWAYS said how her friends always go out and get wasted and she doesnt know how they do it bc she just couldnt do that anymore..she did it in college and was over it...annnnnnd then she signed in for a shore house for the summer with 8 other girls...fine, no biggie, she kept saying she wanted it for the beach and to lay out (tanarexic) and that she just isnt into the getting fukced up scene anymore..

    so memorial day weekend, it starts, friday nigth she rushes down after work,leaves early in fact...i sty home...so she texted me a time or two and might hve called once or so, i get a call at like 3am...she can not even speak, all i hear is laughing uncontrolably....so anyway she hangs up on acident like 3 times, and keeps calling me back anwyay, so i get pissed..finaly she calls when she gets home, i thought she was high or soemthing bc her friends friends are big smokers...she says she isnt..

    next morning i drivedown to meet up and lay on the beach for the day and was planning on staying the night and going to my friends BBQ the next day and she was gonna come with...well about 2:00 im so annoyed bc all i hear about all day is stories from the night b4 about how she couldnt even stand etc etc and it just really pissed me off bc like shit were 24 yrs old, whats the point of drinking to tht extent? why? so we start to talk and she decided she wants to go down to the house every single weekend for friday night, sat and sun, and im invited...

    well i have friends and family too and would like to see them...im also soooo not into the guido shore pump it up scene i wanna hang myself stepping into those places.....so we basically came to a fork and we could not compromise at all..she was not willing to give up any time down there...i didnt understand bc it was against eveyrthing she ever sid and we were so incredibly close that it was just all not right...

    i still dont get it, just dont get it at all...nothings changed and its definatley over for good...thing hat sucks is that shes about 10 feet aay all day and i gotta hear the stories every monday from the weekend and every friday how excited she is for it and it pisses me off so much..

    worst part is we were so close and i feel so mis-led like she lied the hwole time about who she really was...she was never that way till now and thats whats so annoying about it...she shoulda just been honest upfront and i woulda went a different direction to be honest...she was always ery upfront and honest and i know it wasnt something going on behind my back or anything just weird...anyway

    dont combine work and play, no matter how confident you are in it, and even if you can work together with nor problems, if u break up it will be hell...i can not concentrate at all and our job depends 100% on urself and nothing else so this month is gonna be a little rough...

    anything good to say? right now im pretty bitter and mad and upset about it.
     
  2. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    sounds to me like she was just not mature enough to compromise :dunno:

    its probably not so much that she was hiding that part of herself, as it is that different versions of yourself come out around other people. She's allowed to have fun sometimes, and you cant possibly be serious 100% of the time. She just wants to get away and have fun with the girls, and I get that. But I mean there are also limits, and other things should be important to her too (read: you). Obviously she made her decision about where you stand on the scale of importance.
     
  3. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    what's wrong with wanting to catch up with old friends? I know I enjoy going out/away with friends in the summer months. It's just more enjoyable and more fun as compared to cold, dreary months. I'd say find a compromise or kiss the relationship goodbye. You say you're 24 and ready to "grow up" and start settling down. A big component of grown up relationships is compromise. You (and her) can't always get what you want. You have to find a middle road. And, it doesn't sound like she's hiding anything from you, she even invited you to the house pretty much every weekend, so what's the big deal?
     
  4. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    yeah, its definately a good sign that she kept trying to include you. you werent having any part of it, but i dont think she can just shut herself off completely from her old life/friends.
     
  5. low20

    low20 Member

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    yea i know guys i want saying tat at all...i was willing to comprimise, go down some weekends etc...but she wanted every day of every weekend down there and i couldn do that and she didnt want to give any up....i dont think its fair tha in order to see my gf outside of work i have to go ddown the shore to places i dont want to be at where i cant even get any real time with her anyway...the people she is with are not old friends shes ctching up with, its her regular friends that she had been seeing weekly anyway...

    not like i wanna sit home every weekend but im not down for that..i guess in the end its best but just shitty that she said she wasnt that way but is and from what she told me she felt about me, i dont see how getting wasted every weekend is so much better if she was so happy...and she was..i know that much...shit
     
  6. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    See her some weekends, and stay home and catch up with your buddies the other weekend.. :dunno: In addition to that, make an effort to see each other during the week when you know you can't spend the weekend together? I don't know, I guess I'm not seeing a big deal here, but then again, I was never the type of person who needed to spend every free moment with a SO. If I couldn't see him, I'd make plans with friends. Just because she wants to have fun in a different setting with her friends doesn't mean she wasn't happy with you. Also, just because she got wasted one weekend doesn't mean she's going to every weekend. I know you said her friends are party people, but if your girl isn't, she's not going to feel like getting wasted EVERY Fri and Sat. trust me. My guess is it'll get old to her very quickly, and you guys can spend quality time together at the beach while her friends are getting shitfaced. Just my $.02.

    That's all the advice I've got. Take it as you wish.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I understand that it's sad that she was basically lying about who she was now and what she wante to be...but at the same time you should be happy. You found out relatively early on what kind of woman she is and that she's just not at the same stage in her life as you are. Let her be and move on to the next girl.
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i dont know if i would feel that she was lying about who she was, i think her ideas just changed a little bit.

    it was only one weekend of getting drunk and being crazy, and i think all of us could use that sometimes, no matter how old we are. she probably had an awesome time and wants to have an awesome time again. if she really is over all that constant drinking, i give it a couple weeks and she will be done with it all. if she wants to get back into all of it, its probably good you guys end it since you both are moving in different directions.

    it sucks if that is the ending of it, but if you have two different ideas of a good time, its better to just end it than to always be frustrated or annoyed with each other.

    people change, its just going to happen. hopefully you dont feel lied to about it, since i seriously doubt those were her intentions to trick you in any way

    and like others have said, i think its good that she is inviting you to come with all the time, but if its just not your scene, i dont blame you for wanting to stay away completely
     
  9. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Bingo.
     
  10. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    yeah dating a co-worker is a horrible idea

    especially for a man because when the relationship goes wrong, if she decides to hate your guts most people will take her side
     
  11. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Haha so true, women are good at manipulating people like that. When my mother and father got divorced several years ago my mother was able to convince everyone that my father was abusive, and everyone hated him. Truth was he never laid a hand on her she just started hating him and got everyone on her side so as to validate her reasons for leaving him.

    Anyways that was a little offtopic on my part.

    But to the TS, learn from your mistakes and avoid co-worker affairs. I made that mistake once and even though it seemed like fun at the time it really did turn out to be a bad idea because the woman was in the same department as me. Just don't be afraid to strike up a good friendship with women you work with because if you or her start at a new job you can always start up a relationship then.
     
  12. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    Good luck being single the rest of your life :rofl:

    You can't deal with a girl that wants to spend some time with her friends? She invited you along, calls you all the time... what the fuck do you want from this girl... you want her to stay with you at your house 24/7? :ugh:
     
  13. low20

    low20 Member

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    pretty sure u missed the whole point...thanks to all whoe had serious responses...im not the person who needs my so around 24/7 at all..our job is long hours and we both commute so week hang out time is very slim, so the weekend is our only option and if she wants every single weekend at the beach and i dont then thats not much of a comprimise on either part so whats the point...id like to see my SO yes, i dont think thats being unreasonable at all lol...oh wel
     
  14. ERabbit

    ERabbit OT Supporter

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    i think from some perspective she is being selfish to an extent because she is not willing to compromise with you, but at the same time 24 is still relatively young and she is probably trying to make the most of her youth. with that being said why not go down every other weekend? you'll have fun, get laid most likely and hopefully be able to make sure she doesn't black out all weekend
     
  15. low20

    low20 Member

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    yea but the places they go make me want to puke and its not my scene, plus having to travel down every other weekend as the only option in order to see her just seems very unfair to me...i have little to no free time during the week so on the weekends i like to have time to do my own thing too and cathc up on stuff and relax, not have to worry about living in a house with 8 girls, which isnt my house, and putting up with that kinda bs drama...not worth it to me, so i guess this is best...plus im not playing babysitter, if thats what she wants to do fine, im not at that stage anymore and dont wanna deal with it...guess im answering my own questions here, its just annoying bc we had something good and if only it was 1 yr later she would still be around...
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You don't have to explain yourself. It's not your scene and that's fine. Those are your standards and if she doesn't meet them then you move on :dunno:
     

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