SRS Twisted Relationship

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 2500, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Well, my BF and I broke up this morning. I thought it was me, but after he was done moving his stuff out, we talked for a bit. Apparently, when we met last year, he felt he had to pretend to be someone he wasn't becasue thats the only way I'd love him. Well, I fell in love with him hard. I'm talkin moved 600 miles away from home, ended my life for him. Once he started pretending, he said he never knew how to be himself, so for the next year and a half, he has just been acting. Its kept him from being happy, and all along the path, all our little arguments and spats were never able to be resolved for him because he didn't have that forgivnes powered by love. He said he was never in love with me, he just pretended. He said he has never been happy with me because he has never been able to be himself. He said hes pretty much been waiting to break up with me for a year, but, was just acting like he was madly in love with me. getting my initials tattooed on his chest. buying me a ring, etc... all acting. now we're broken up, and I dunno what to do. i still have that "he'll realize, he needs space, we'll get back together" hope feeling, but at the same time, hes not in love with me. he never has been. hes just been acting. does any of this make any damn sense? and, what the hell am i supposed to do? i fell in love with a fake character, and now i'm so in love with someone who apparently doesn't even exsist. worst day of my life....
     
  2. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    :hug:

    I think fall is the time for the crazy people to come out of the woodwork. This guy sounds a lot like my ex-GF. This sounds like an absolutely awful situation, but think about this -- would you want to be in love with someone who's fake?

    It's a good thing that he's able to admit this stuff, even if he shouldn't have waited this long. It was totally selfish of him to perpetuate this "pretending" as he calls it.

    The best thing you can do right now is move on. This is the time for you to devote all of your attention to YOU, what makes YOU happy, and what's best for YOUR future. Remember who you are, who you were before you met him, and what you've learned as a result of being in this relationship -- what you've learned about yourself, what you want, and what makes you happy.

    There's a lot more I could say but I don't know if I can find the right words; I'm confident many others will chime in with some words of wisdom for you :).
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :hug:
    Wow...that fucking sucks!!! I'm really sorry you're going through this.

    Please realize, all men are not like this. I'm sure for awhile you'll hate us all and think that everything a guy tells you is a lie but there are actually honest guys out there.

    I can't imagine how awful this must be for you. I wish I had more advice for you and maybe later I will. For now, I'll just say a prayer that your heart will heal. :hug:
     
  4. 2500

    2500 Guest

    thats the problem. i moved 600 miles away, sold my car, and left my life in chicago. my life was racing cars. i drove a really nice twin turbo lexus. i sold it because it wasn't great on gas makin the trip back and forth from chicago. i'm now stuck in tennessee, with no friends, no car, no family. i just quit my job like, 5 days ago, so i have no job. all i have is a half empty apartment that reminds me of him and nothing to do, and no one to talk to or chill with. i didn't make a single friend in the year and a half i lived here, because it was me and him, 24/7. and now that hes gone, i'm just alone.

    hes been living the lie, but, although i don't want to love a fake person, he hasn't been fake to me for the year and a half. i DID fall in love with someone, fake or not, and i'm still so deeply in love with that person. even if he says hes faking, i know i'm still so in love with him. :(
     
  5. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    I've thrown myself back into cars!

    Let me tell you that I fell in love with someone too, but she's not that person anymore. Maybe that girl is still inside her somewhere, but right now she won't let her out. Thus, I have moved on. It's completely out of my control and that's something that I fought with for so long because I kept blaming myself. But it's not my fault; I did nothing but give everything I had (and often times things I didn't have) to the relationship and all she did was take.

    I have embraced the support of friends I had long lost touch with because I did the same thing as you: my relationship was my world. Now you know better, and so do I.

    Can you go back to Chicago? Is that where your family lives?
     
  6. 2500

    2500 Guest

    all my family and friends are in chicago.

    and, he just told me hes been talking to someone else for a few weeks, and he thinks he loves them. and, he told me he was over them, and it was just a little crush, but now i just learned hes been talking to them every day. wow, i didn't think this could get any worse. any hope of getting him back just got crushed :( i dunno what to do.
     
  7. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    No one wants to hear this when they are in your situation, but you MUST move on. It's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, and you are what matters in this situation, not him.

    Trust me on this. Trust that you are not the only person to ever go through this, as evidenced by the existence of the Asylum.

    The longer you dwell, the longer it will take you to become you again. You deserve to be happy, to be wanted, to be loved. You have to move on in order to accomplish those things.

    If I was in your situation, I would move back to Chicago in a heartbeat. You need to be near the people who love you and care about you in times like these.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    2500, how many relationships have you been in?
     
  9. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    You need to move on. Get your life back on track and get back into the swing of things.

    That's all you can really do.
     
  10. 2500

    2500 Guest

    its just so hard thinking of what i thought was a perfect relationship actually being a total lie. everything i'm holding onto and want back, is fake, but i still want it back so bad. can someone really lie to another person and be fake for over a year?

    and i've been in.... 6 relationships with women, and, this is my third with a guy. i loved my bf more than i've ever loved any other person i've been with.

    and its hard moving back, because i feel if he has a change of heart, or realizes what he had and wants it back, i'll be far away again, and then we won't be together because i will be in chicago. plus my lease isn't up till may.

    i'm just so confused. i dunno who to believe. part of me feels this is guilt related. he started having feelings for someone else, and it scared him, so he started shoving me away as hurtfully as possible because of how guilty he felt about having feelings for this other guy.
     
  11. 2500

    2500 Guest

    it gets better. this other guy... has a boyfriend. talk about setting yourself up for failure. i know when i'm looking for a BF, i always go for the ones who go to clubs without their partners and get guys numbers and call them daily. sign of a good catch.....
     
  12. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    i'll NEVER understand why men and women chose to shun the world just because they're dateing somebody.. i for one would NEVER give up my friends because at the end of the day when the relationship is done and overwith or even through the bad times.. they will be there and i can have someplace to go.. people to turn to for help and company.

    and yet SO MANY just forget this ONE SIMPLE thing. never understand it.. :hsugh:
     
  13. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    it happens more often than you think.. people by instinct as long as they aren't cruel don't like to hurt other people. So what ends up happening by weak minded individuals is they hold out hope that the other person will break up with them all the while faking interest and doing things that any boyfriend/girlfriend would do.

    so the relationship goes on and on for weeks/months/years without anybody ever saying anything.. till finally it snaps.
     
  14. 2500

    2500 Guest

    well, he was in HS, and, i only moved for what i thought was 2 years until he graduated, then he wanted to move back to chicago with me. i would have never moved if i knew it was forever
     
  15. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Me personally, I would never have moved if I was dating anyone in HS! Matter of fact, I wouldn't date anyone still in HS after I graduated.
     
  16. 2500

    2500 Guest

    yeah i know. the age gap was 7 years. but, there was something about him that was so mature, and so attractive. he never seemed like 17. if i met him on the street, i'd say 19 or 20 easy. plus, age is just a number when you fall for someone.
     
  17. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Age is just a number if maturity is there to balance out the relationship and it sounds like he just wasn't mature enough for the type of relationship you wanted. I think you need to pack your things and figure out a way to move back to Chicago. You were planning to go back anyway, and your fam and friends are there. It will be easier and better for you to start over there than for you to try to rebuild your life in TN.
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    While I tend to agree that age is just a number most times, you should also be aware that projection is a HUGE problem with long distance relationships. That's part of the attraction, you can assign all of the great qualities of a person to that one that isn't "in your face" everyday. That doesn't make these qualities real.

    Also, I would suggest you should stay away from HS students. Even if he's mature and of age, he's still in HS and there's a lot of growing up that's done between 18 and 25.
     
  19. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    . I actually made that mistake with my ex. I spent all my time with him and let my friends drift away.
    2500 just let it go. Move ON! I know it's hard right now and it hurt, but you can get through this. You have to keep moving forward. Stop looking back for him. What's done is done. Go back to Chicago, start anew. :hug:
     
  20. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Wow. Just got caught up on all the info...

    Eh, I'm better off not saying anything, what's done is done. Hope you can get your life back in order.
     
  21. 2500

    2500 Guest

    he told me last night that we can be friends and see where it goes, but he is also going to be friends with this other guy and see where that goes. i asked him, "if i asked you to make a choice, me or him, who would you pick" and he said him.

    should i do this whole friends thing, or should i just not even bother?

    if i don't bother, i'll always wonder what would have happened... could i have gotten him back?

    if i do, i set myself up for alot of jealousy, anger, and possibly, more hurt if he chooses the other guy.

    i just don't see what his thing with that guy is. he bought a condo with his BF, they aren't broken up, he won't break up with him because of the money mess they'll be in. its like, why can't my ex just forget about this other douche bag.

    i dunno what to do.
     
  22. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Don't bother. There's no reason for you to wonder what might have happened because you actually dated the guy. You were your self and he didn't seem to click with that. He has all this history with you but flat out told you he would pick the other guy if you made him, seems like an easy decision to me. You've got to stop putting yourself in situations where others are going to walk all over you. If you don't have any respect for yourself, neither will he.
     
  23. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    . Don't even try it. Just move on.
     
  24. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Wait...so you're a guy and this is a gay relationship?

    Well that certainly explains the drama.
     
  25. 2500

    2500 Guest

    yeah, cuz straight couples don't have drama, right?
     

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