Trying to save my relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Jay Pheezy, May 31, 2007.

  1. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

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    I'll be quick.. Basically, my gf got militant religious (her dad brainwashes her) and decided to quit drinking and smoking (after a long history of it) and now wants me to do the same. Today she says she can't surround herself with people who still do that stuff, which means it's not long before she leaves me if I don't quit. Also, I only do this maybe every other weekend, so it's not like I have a "problem." Other than actually quitting, does anyone know a possible solution to this?

    I know the question may sound kind of dense and stupid but I'm just hoping someone may have any thoughts that can help out. Thanks
     
  2. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    Get a non-brainwashed girlfriend :o
     
  3. Mr. Kitty Litter

    Mr. Kitty Litter OT Supporter

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    Religious, eh?

    Run the Serenity prayer by her...
     
  4. Mr. Kitty Litter

    Mr. Kitty Litter OT Supporter

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    [FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]God grant me the serenity [/FONT]
    [FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]to accept the things I cannot change; [/FONT]
    [FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]courage to change the things I can;[/FONT]
    [FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]and wisdom to know the difference. [/FONT]
     
  5. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    Let her leave you then. Your drinking isn't so bad that its harming you. She can change sure, but she can't expect you to just because she does. Just say you won't drink around her but your going to drink. If she argues with it that means she just wants to control you and who wants to be with a person like that?
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Call her bluff.
     
  7. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    Or find someone who is accepting of your behavior, you shouldn't have to be with someone that wants you to change that drastically almost immediately.
     
  8. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Be happy that she's extended her lifespan by about 15 years. Stop being a jackass and support her new healthy lifestyle.
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Not worth it, you'll just end up fighting because she doesn't think you respect her feelings/views. You can respect someone and what they think without actually agreeing with them. If you really don't think there's anything wrong with your current lifestyle, then tell her you don't agree with her views. In my experience, it's hard to have a relationship with someone who has drastically different views that you. You may just have to accept that she wants a different lifestyle than you do and it just won't work.
     
  10. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    You have a few options
    1. Find someone more compatible with your current behavioural patterns
    2. Decide your relationship is more important than continueing to smoke/drink. If you do this, keep in mind
    a. The sort of power you will be giving her in doing so, but on the other hand
    b. That these are behaviours that you should/will proably modify in your adult life anyways. (Most adults cut back on drinking and many, if not all try and quit smoking)

    3. Wait and see if the crazies subside (if they do, they will probably manifest themselves in other ways though)
    4. Lie to her.

    I would go with one depending on your age and level of commitment, or two, as long as you draw a clear line that although you are willing to make this sacrifice for you, in no way are you giving her the power to further dictate your behaviour. This is a hard line to draw.
    Best of luck
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    What are you talking about?

    She's telling him he has to change or its over.

    He should call that bluff.

    She can do whatever she wants, thats not the issue. The issue is her telling him she doesn't want to be around people who drink and smoke (which includes him).
     
  12. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Fuck yeah! Call her on her shit! I would!
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    And to clarify, calling her bluff in this situation entails:

    Telling her he has no intention of changing his lifestyle for her

    and

    He now considers the relationship over because of her ultimatum

    Or just wait for the next time she says "You have to stop doing this or I'm leaving you" and reply with a simple shrug and a "See ya"
     
  14. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Don't forget the wave
     
  15. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    thats just makes it from classy to childish and trying to make a scene if you ask me. BE BLUNT and QUICK most effective.
     
  16. Ago816

    Ago816 New Member

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    Man up, if she really cares about you then she won't try and change you. You need to do the things that make you happy.
     
  17. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    You were not wearing the pants in the relationship
     
  18. moses

    moses OMGWTFBBQ

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    "where are you going?"

    "church, where you going?"

    "hit the crack pipe!"

    -chris rock
     
  19. iceman1123

    iceman1123 Guest

    looks like her parents might be systematically removing what they view as cancer in their daughter's life. you're collateral.

    cut your losses and GTFO as much as it will hurt and suck
     
  20. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    That's what I would do. Don't be some pansy guy who lets other people tell him how to live his life. If you have self respect, you can live with yourself. If you don't, you'll do whatever other people tell you to do.

    Been there, done that, she cheated on me anyway. Be yourself. If she doesn't like who you are, then so be it. Just be true to yourself, otherwise she will love the liar in you, not really you.
     
  21. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Truth. Don't cover up who you are to appease her, it won't end well for you.
     
  22. Motion for sticky.

    To the original poster, read this till it sinks in.
     
  23. kdizzle59

    kdizzle59 New Member

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    wow now i remember my anger management classes haha
     
  24. Alphaeus

    Alphaeus New Member

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    (Assuming this is Christianity you're talking about)

    If drinking was sinful, why would Jesus turn water into wine so a bunch of wedding-goers could get even more wasted?

    I don't understand dry-Christians. They give you wine at communion for crying out loud. There's absolutely nothing in the Bible that prohibits responsible drinking.
     

  25. Lay down the law. Tell her that you are glad that she has found something important to believe in, but it's not your cup of tea. YOu will respect her beliefs, but she must respect yours. Just because she is uber religious does not mean you have to be.
     

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