SRS Trying to muster motivation towards learning *meaning of life for me*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 2FWNC, Jun 3, 2007.

  1. 2FWNC

    2FWNC I'm a little bit special

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2005
    Messages:
    5,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Under The Sea
    I have a hard time sitting down to learn by myself. I decided after high school, I would not go to college. I would start self-teaching myself, then apply to college later. I have found my niche in society. I want to become a full fledged computer nerd (like my pops who has worked for the best of the best in the business), no seriously though... I don't mind staying inside, living my life simple, and having minimal encounters with other human beings. So any ways, here I am sitting here trying to pick up a new skill, and I have am having serious trouble staying away from Internet entertainment like OT, and computer games ect. It seems as though, when on a computer, I am almost pre-programmed to do my usual tasks... Such as I am doing now.

    I can never sit down to a computer, with my books busted out first. I always have to check my email, read the news, play a game ect. And I end up getting stuck in these loops. I guess I am an internet addict, and it's tough when I need to be spending my time more wisely on the computer. This is more of a rant, but I guess the problem is I have no motivation, because what I am working for there is no real recognition. There are no grades, or teachers, or fellow classmates. It's the hardest learning environment ever. I have to self guide myself through these courses, and not fall back into my e-vices. There is nobody watching me, and no due dates... Just myself, and a goal/dream, which is to learn how to be a great computer programmer. It is more of a challenge to myself, than a life long career oriented goal. I know the risk is, I could end up poor and out of luck if I can't find work without a degree... But, in weird a way it's exciting to me. It's like i'm doing something not many people can say they have done. It's like climbing mount Everest.

    It's a huge task with a million little problems waiting to be solved. This has been my half baked plan since I graduated high-school, but now it's becoming a reality. I have a firm, free place to live. I have a decent part time job which pays for my food, gas, insurance, fun ect. I have the basis all set up, it's just actually applying myself is a whole nother story. It's very complicated, and I sit down alot of the time overwhelmed with the daunting tasks that await me. Plus too add to the problems, I am horribly addicted to free spirited computer leisure. I don't know what I am asking for, but I don't feel bad sharing my circumstances. I am proud of what I have NOW, but I am fear full of what I have coming to me in the future. It's a very awkward position to be in. I feel like I'm all set up, and don't have to worry. Yet the opposite is true,

    I need to be busting my ass 24.7 in all my spare time if I really want to achieve something through this method. It's my individuality that keeps me in tune to my dreams, but my obsession that keep me in procrastination mode. I said I feel proud, it's true, but it's a false sense of security and I know it. This lifestyle is only temporary. Living at my parents, is not permanent, but these conditions are so comfortable I am not thinking about the circumstances. They are only providing for me, because they want me to advance in life... It's just a base, but in my mind and in reality it is as secure as it's going to get for me. There is nothing like living under the financial protection of your family. If and when I set out on my own with my skill set I have developed it will be a very abrupt change for myself, and I am scared of actually stepping out away from everything I could ever ask for. Sometimes I swing back into thoughts like, this is all

    I need, this is fine, this will get me by and thats the only thing that matters.... It's not that it's so great, and wonderful... It's that it is the only thing as a kid I have ever known, and appreciated. I am an only child.... The world too me is an unforgiving ruthless scheme, a blessing and a curse. I saw the career world through my parents growing up, and they shared there experience with me, so I am very familiar with the concepts of adulthood. The burden and the risks involved of becoming independent. It's more than just a step in a certain direction, it's a giant leap forward into the future, when I am so stuck and rooted in the past.

    :ugh: anybody hear me on this one? :hsd:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2007
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My grandma said "everyone needs to cut their own beans in life"

    The same counts for you. Discipline is a discipline of its own,

    Do not expect leperchauns to appear and solve your issues, do not wait, be the dictator of your own life and take the situation in your own hands.

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people around you to change, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

    it really doesn't matter how fucking smart you are if you aren't willing to work you ass off your still a loser.

    Don't sit and wait, put yourself in the game called life.

    If you are in a rut and stuck with your life, you need to give it a swing in a new and positive direction by carving a new path with your own power.

    Don't wait in life for a wake up call, make the most of it, because you might not get a second chance.

    Persistance is the key to succes
    While Lazyness is the cause of failures.

    Impossible ambitions tend to disintegrate in the face of reality. Be sure that what you are doing is REALISTIC.

    You aren't ready to work behind the computer, the big problem about computers is that its virtual so when your behind it your not creating anything substantial , first go out and get the discipline to make 'real' things in life, bake a cake, make something from wood,

    you have to decide wether your computer is a "working computer" or a thing to have fun on.

    You are the type of person that can't think first, and do later, you are the person who immediatly has to work ,and do the thinking while your working. This means you have to get rid of everything including your internet connection, don't play music or games, get rid of them , and solemnly work behind the thing. 100% without distractions its either all or nothing with people like you, and kicking your own ass to get things done.

    Stop pressurizing yourself to get things done, you can't jump up a mountain in one step, you have no responsiblity only to towards yourself at this moment.

    Do everything possible to get rid of anything that gets in your way from you achieving your goals, even the slightest distraction is a great enemy. Set a goal and try to achieve it. Jump out of the circle patterns of addiction. Focus only on completion, let your actions speak louder then words.

    Don't blame your parents. Don't blame god. You are responsible for who you are. If you want to change who you are, fucking do it. Blaming your genes or your invisible friend and continuing to live the lifestyle you hate will get you nowhere. Accept that you dug the hole you are in, now you've gotta pull yourself out of it if that is indeed what you want to do.

    There is only one solution, and its internal. Nothing outside of yourself can solve your problems for you.
    Stop running, and face your problems. They arent nearly as hard when you're fighting them as when you're running from them.

    The American dream is the freedom to choose your own path. Only fools have clouded and misconstrued it as being materialistic. When the idea was first conceived, people knew that incredibly hard work comes with such ideals, but people also knew that with enough work, just about any path can be hewn through the bushes, bramble, & jungle of life. But hey, people now don't seem to want freedom as much as they want comfort. They're more than happy to demand others rights be violated in order to have instituionalized comfort.

    The beauty of freedom is intrinsic. No, there may not be someone to take care of you all the time, but there's also not going to be someone telling you what you can, can't, or must do. I'd wager that most of the greatest people in human history are the people who BUSTED THEIR ASSES to achieve what they wanted to achieve. At the same time, some of the happiest people have been those who lived the simplest lives.
     
  3. 2FWNC

    2FWNC I'm a little bit special

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2005
    Messages:
    5,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Under The Sea
    thanks, that was a GREAT read. Peace out homie! one!
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    To the OP...if it's any consolation, I'm in a similar position and I just graduated with a degree in Computer Science. I'm looking at getting a job but most of them in my area are in technologies/languages I don't know yet. So I too am having to teach myself new things and often struggle with motivation. I too feel overwhelmed with the options available.....it's literally staggering the choices.

    SO what I have found that helps me is to realize and accept the fact that I simply can't do everything. I have to choose. Saying yes to some things means that I simply must say no to others. So then I must make a choice....something I really don't like doing because I grew up with others making the choices for me. Then if they didn't go well, I could blame those people.

    Being an adult means making your own choices and following your own path. It means accepting responsibility for where you want to go in life. So pick from the many alternative and focus only on that one technology/language.

    Also you don't have to work 24/7 to accomplish your goals in life. Healthy lifestyles are about balance. You can bust your ass working then as a reward, give yourself some guilt free internet time.

    When I started my degree I thought it was kinda silly that it took so many years to get it. I thought....why does it have to take so long?? Why don't they just force all these languages and concepts on us at once??

    Well now I know....it takes time to learn and digest the information. Sleep is a HUGE help in leaning and when I was dealing with a difficult programming problem, often I'd just sleep on it and wake up and have the answer.

    So working 24/7 isn't reasonable. Set up a reasonable work/play/eat/sleep cycle....then try to stick to that schedule. When you fail, and you will fail, don't give up. Start over and reapply the schedule but also try to see why you failed. Perhaps the schedule doesn't work for your personality (some people learn best in the mornings, others at night....figure out which you are and make your schedule to fit this).

    Nothing great is ever accomplished in a day. It takes time, effort and persistence. Just don't ever give up....keep fighting, keep working, keep pushing yourself to improve and before you know it, you will have accomplished your goals. You can't imagine how great it feels.

    Oh and one last thing, why not just go for a CS degree? I had a blast in my degree because I meet some really cool people that like computers as much as I did. Not only that, I now have skills I can use to get a nice paying job. Sure it's not as independent as your way but for me...it was essential because I too struggle with motivation....A LOT!

    Good luck and God BLess!
     

Share This Page