I have a hard time sitting down to learn by myself. I decided after high school, I would not go to college. I would start self-teaching myself, then apply to college later. I have found my niche in society. I want to become a full fledged computer nerd (like my pops who has worked for the best of the best in the business), no seriously though... I don't mind staying inside, living my life simple, and having minimal encounters with other human beings. So any ways, here I am sitting here trying to pick up a new skill, and I have am having serious trouble staying away from Internet entertainment like OT, and computer games ect. It seems as though, when on a computer, I am almost pre-programmed to do my usual tasks... Such as I am doing now. I can never sit down to a computer, with my books busted out first. I always have to check my email, read the news, play a game ect. And I end up getting stuck in these loops. I guess I am an internet addict, and it's tough when I need to be spending my time more wisely on the computer. This is more of a rant, but I guess the problem is I have no motivation, because what I am working for there is no real recognition. There are no grades, or teachers, or fellow classmates. It's the hardest learning environment ever. I have to self guide myself through these courses, and not fall back into my e-vices. There is nobody watching me, and no due dates... Just myself, and a goal/dream, which is to learn how to be a great computer programmer. It is more of a challenge to myself, than a life long career oriented goal. I know the risk is, I could end up poor and out of luck if I can't find work without a degree... But, in weird a way it's exciting to me. It's like i'm doing something not many people can say they have done. It's like climbing mount Everest. It's a huge task with a million little problems waiting to be solved. This has been my half baked plan since I graduated high-school, but now it's becoming a reality. I have a firm, free place to live. I have a decent part time job which pays for my food, gas, insurance, fun ect. I have the basis all set up, it's just actually applying myself is a whole nother story. It's very complicated, and I sit down alot of the time overwhelmed with the daunting tasks that await me. Plus too add to the problems, I am horribly addicted to free spirited computer leisure. I don't know what I am asking for, but I don't feel bad sharing my circumstances. I am proud of what I have NOW, but I am fear full of what I have coming to me in the future. It's a very awkward position to be in. I feel like I'm all set up, and don't have to worry. Yet the opposite is true, I need to be busting my ass 24.7 in all my spare time if I really want to achieve something through this method. It's my individuality that keeps me in tune to my dreams, but my obsession that keep me in procrastination mode. I said I feel proud, it's true, but it's a false sense of security and I know it. This lifestyle is only temporary. Living at my parents, is not permanent, but these conditions are so comfortable I am not thinking about the circumstances. They are only providing for me, because they want me to advance in life... It's just a base, but in my mind and in reality it is as secure as it's going to get for me. There is nothing like living under the financial protection of your family. If and when I set out on my own with my skill set I have developed it will be a very abrupt change for myself, and I am scared of actually stepping out away from everything I could ever ask for. Sometimes I swing back into thoughts like, this is all I need, this is fine, this will get me by and thats the only thing that matters.... It's not that it's so great, and wonderful... It's that it is the only thing as a kid I have ever known, and appreciated. I am an only child.... The world too me is an unforgiving ruthless scheme, a blessing and a curse. I saw the career world through my parents growing up, and they shared there experience with me, so I am very familiar with the concepts of adulthood. The burden and the risks involved of becoming independent. It's more than just a step in a certain direction, it's a giant leap forward into the future, when I am so stuck and rooted in the past. anybody hear me on this one?