Trying to help my buddy...Yea, ME of all people

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by tubachris85x, Feb 2, 2009.

  1. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    So my buddy I've known up here for the longest time recently started going through some issues with his relationship. I was kinda brought into it when I recieved a voicemail from him one morning, all distraught and asking me about those online dating sites. One thing I should mention is that he says he's been taking some meds for anxiety, and admits to being paranoid.

    I find it funny, cause from what I've seen and he's told me, it's almost identical to my past situation with my ex..They got together while in college, my age (20) and I think the first and biggest mistake is that they moved in together. She decides to go do the study abroad program, and left to Europe (dont know where exactly) in January. She constantly updates her facebook, and my buddy started seeing a bunch of new pics of her at clubs and parties with this same dude, and some of the pics are of her rubbing up all over this guy, and basically all over him. He naturally is going "wtf?" and tries to talk to her about it, but she see's nothing "wrong" with what she's doing and that the guy is "just a friend."

    Next thing..he had saved money up to go over there to visit her for a week...and then she tells him "I don't want to see you, even if you came over here, don't expect to even see me." She said the same thing in regards to even her family wanting to visit her, claiming that she's on a break and dosn't want to see anyone and her being over there is her time away.

    I obviously can't repeat everything verbatum, but what I'm getting from this, is that she's cheating....AGAIN..she cheated one time before, but she told him. I feel it was a mistake that he took her back, but oh well.

    As of right now, he says that their on a "break," and he's just so upset that he's wanting to rush into another relationship or find another girl. I've told him he needs to hold off for awhile and not to force anything.

    I'm trying to help him, but I don't know, I'm the last person to be giving any kind of advice. Thanks
     
  2. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Dump her. Shes a dirty one.

    Anyone in the early 20's who has been to Europe is going to understand where Im coming from. It's obvious shes out and partying and 'experiencing' it to the fullest. So let her. Tell him to dump her and move on.
     
  3. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Yeah, when she comes back...make sure there is nothing that belongs to her in his possession.
     
  4. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    the biggest issue is that she is on the lease and they renewed it just before she left..so she is on the contract, and he can't afford to pay for it by himself
     
  5. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    lesson learned the hard way....

    have him go talk to the landlord. see if he can take her off the lease and add someone new to it and have a buddy move in to help pay.
     
  6. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    .
     
  7. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    I can suggest it to him. It might be hard for him to though, cause it's a one bedroom apartment
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Lease or no lease, he needs to drop her like a bad habit. I don't think I need to explain why because it's ridiculously obvious. The issue with the lease is really a non-issue. I had to deal with that once. I signed a one year lease with a girl when I was 20 then found out she was fucking my best friend a couple months into it. What did I do? I would have moved in with my best friend before I found out he was fucking my girl. So I moved back in with my parents because even that was better than living with her. I left my name on the lease for a couple months to let her find another person to sign with her, but when she failed to do that, I went to the leasing office and payed them a hefty fee to take my name off. It was worth every penny. She, of course, was forced to move out since she couldn't keep the place by herself, the apartments got enough money to cover their troubles, and I got the fuck out of the situation. Money well spent. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.
     
  9. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    so? sharing a room with a buddy would be a better option than trying to still live with her.

    this is another option as well. money can fix these situations most of the time, and i would agree that it would be worth every penny, if he is serious about staying away from her
     
  10. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    In response to the first comment regarding sharing the room..I meant it might be hard trying to find someone else willing to do that, not him personally.

    I'll try to bring it up next time about the lease.
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    true, it may not be as easy to find someone to share a room, but i still think its possible. the other person gets the benefit of cheaper rent as well, and that will appeal to some people.

    bottom line, he has options, and he needs to act on them instead of living miserably with this girl when she comes home
     
  12. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    I couldn't agree more
     
  13. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    I can't imagine being away like not and not wanting my girl to come and visit me. Either there is way more to her story, which is possible or she is totally cheating or wants at least wants to end it with him.

    How long has she been away?
     
  14. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Since january....I already told him that I think she is...
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    wait, so shes paying rent while she is away?

    keep taking the rent money then kick her out the day she gets back
     
  16. Joshua

    Joshua ambition over everything OT Supporter

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    He is a chump if he stays with her. End it. Now.

    Of course if he stayed with her when she went to Europe for school of all things, he is probably a chump anyways. Think about it. Europe, for college.

    Yeah, okay.
     
  17. uneek

    uneek OT Supporter

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    if she's on the lease, then she's obligated to pay, end of story. if he disappears & stops paying rent, is the landlord going to bother coming after him if he can just as easily get the rent money from the girl who still lives there?

    nasty, but that's the gist of it.
     
  18. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    thought about it, have no effing clue what you are getting at
     
  19. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    hmm..well from what I'm getting at, is that, at least from what I've noticed, is that he has it in his mind that he's no longer "with her" in a sense.

    I found that his biggest problem after realizing it (I had the same problem too after my first LDR) is that he never goes out. Granted, he works and has school everyday, but I've told him he needs to get out more, and he's been talking lately about going to some parties (for the first time to my knowlege) and he's been trying to meet more girls.

    So I'm pretty sure he has it in his mind that he's done with her completly...but I can't really say about the living situation when she gets back
     
  20. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Lol, enough comma's/pausing in that thought?
     

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