SRS trying to forget!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cooldragon, Apr 10, 2006.

  1. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    I just cant figure out what the hell i am doing in my life. I feel like i am failing at everything and i cant have fun at all or be happpy because of all the things that are running in my head.

    The main thing that is bothering me now is that i feel one of my closest friend and me are drifiting apart. The only thing is i dont put the effort to see her because i get jealous or feel horrible when i see her because couple of months back i asked if we could be in a relationship but she doesnt want that. she just wants to stay friends.

    when i first met her which was 4 months ago we were always together at work and after work but as time has gone on i see her less and less and talk to her less. she has found more guys to hang out with. she invites me everywhere she goes but i still feel like a third wheel or just think that i dont even need to be there.

    the thing is since i have no chance with her it makes things worse. i think about her all the time but there is nothing thats gonna happen. i want to forget her and find someone else but i cant do that. i work with her so its not like i can avoid her and i dont think thats the best solution. Plus its hard for me to find someone else so i dont know what to do. i just wish i could stop thinking about her all the time.
     
  2. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    You may not be able to forget her, but you can put things into perspective. You have a nice female friend who wants to spend time with you still, as sporadic as that might be. She MIGHT be trying to put distance between the two of you, but you know as well as I that people's lives can get busy or a person can become preoccupied with something and SEEM like they are ignoring you.

    You work with the girl so no, you can't avoid her but you CAN avoid negative thoughts. You say it is difficult to find girls. Ya, it IS difficult to hook up with worthwhile people we can be friends with, much less have relationships with at times, but you gotta put forth the effort. Your attitude is the first thing that needs to be reformatted. as for you getting jealous and having feelings around this girl, maybe YOU can ptu some distance between you and her and find people that you can spend decent time with. Don't try and make comparisons to her :)

    You'll look back on this man and wonder why you were even worrired about ONE PERSON ;)
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Look when a woman says 'lets be friends' it means i don't like you, stay out of my life. Its just covered in a friendly way of saying it. That's all.

    Your at a dead end road, of course you'll only find nothing but a wall that you constantly bounce your head against, turn your life around ,drive out of the dead end, and get your life back on the main way.
     
  4. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Pretty much. Take the hint, move on, and find something to take you up in the meantime. Got any hobbies? Get more involved in a related special interest group?
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You made a KEY mistake. You became friends in order to get closer to her and hopefully get a relationship started-thus you friendzoned yourself. She may have NEVER been interested but you allowed yourself to become attached to her before finding out.

    This is why guys need to ask a girl out within a week or two of meeting someone, getting her answer, and then moving on with that. If her answer is "No" or any other excuse then you forget the person and move on. It's a lot easier when you've only known them for a week or so then if you spend months hanging out and falling harder and harder for her until you finally just pop the question of being more than friends. If you find out that she isn't interested after all of that time then it hurts so much more and you can't move on as easily-as you have discovered. I hope you learn from this and don't make this mistake again.

    Not only that, but hanging out as "friends" is one of the biggest factors in falling into the "friend" category. How about most of the guys this girl has dated? Did they all become buddies and hang out for months first before dating? Or did they go straight to dating pretty fast?
     
  6. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    well, i know she said no and its understandable. She doesnt mind being friends and i used to spend alot more time with her but i have stopped because of how i feel when i am around her. She has noticed and told me why i keep ditching and not seeing her but i dont really want to give the exact reason.

    i have other people who i spend most of my time with but its not as fun as it is with her. i know she doesnt even know whats going on and that makes it worse. its all in my head and its so hard for me to think so negativly about everything.

    its kind of scary that i am putting so much thought into one person and i shouldnt. however, i have been like this for a few years. i ususally obsess about something, if its pain in my shoulder, stomach, the way people act toward me, school, her, etc. I just move on from one thing to the next and worry about it constantly.

    i have started reading a few books on how to stop worrying but most of the time i am not able to change myself and it is taking alot of time.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    She knows why, or at least suspects why. She's not dumb. Girls like this LOVE the attention. You treated her so good, you were always around, etc, and she wants that back. It's a nice thing for her to have. The problem was that you want a relationship and she doesn't. She should NOT be getting that extra treatment for free, that's what causes guys to become doormats.

    I think that each moment you hang with her, the longer you will be wrapped up in her and unable to move on. Thus, I believe in the "no contact" rule. However, most guys are too weak to move on like that, because it takes a lot of strength to do it. So what I would suggest in the meantime is defnitely cutting down on the time you spend together, do NOT do any special favors for her, and if you have to tell her something, just tell her that you've been spending too much time with her and neglecting your own life. You want to meet other women and having her around makes you either look taken, or like a chump.
     
  8. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    yeah that is some good advice dog. I do want to spend more time with her but it ultimatly is leading nowhere. However i am failing to use the time i dont spend with her and doing basically nothing. i am doing horrible in school and basically dont know anyone there. i am an emotional mess right now and have been for the past six months. i am going to a counselor once a week and as of now i havent gotten much help. i am failing to motivate myself in doing anything and i feel like crap alll the time.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I feel for ya bro. You shouldn't get this tied up over a girl, not at your age. As good as she seems, there are much better out there. Why? Because she can't see your worth, so she isn't all that is she?

    Don't try to "fix" anything or get her to change her mind. Trust me. Been there done that. Accept it, and move on. Go to www.friendzoned.com and read some articles posted there, and participate in the forums. It's a good place.
     
  10. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    If being near her makes you uncomfortable just move on. Sooner or later another girl will come to your life and you will forget that one... life is weird like that :)
     
  11. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    well the past two days i spent a few hours with her. it was alot of fun but again in the end its like i cant get what i want. i want more than just a friendship but its not going to happen. its frustrating. overall though i wasnt feeling too bad about it.

    the only thing is i feel like i wont be able to find a girlfriend. i have only had one girlfriend and that was for a few months and i am 19. so i keep thinking that i am inferior and dont deserve one which is definitly not true. i dont really know how to begin and approach girls and find someone else. i mean its not her problem its more me that i am not finding someone else.
     
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You are far too young to thing that not having a girlfriend makes you a loser. I never had a girlfriend throughout HS, I just messed around a lot. Then, when you are more mature, you'll suddenly find yourself in a relationship. Dude, you're 19. Relax, quit putting pressure on yourself. Have fun. Make it about YOU.
     
  13. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    well i have barely seen her the whole week. it hurts in some ways that she doesnt feel the same way but its understandable. slowly i am thinking about her less and less.
    its just hard to keep her as just a friend too. but i am just trying to stay busy with other things.

    now i just need to go out and meet some more girls and see if i can actually hang out with other girls besides her. thats hard too.
     
  14. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    ah man. i hung out with her again and i now just dont seem to like to spend time with her since again that bothers me. this time she was actually telling me about how she had a few on night stands with other guys after breaking up with her boyfriend and i didnt say much but i was pissed inside. i dont want to think about it but its kind of hard not to. i dont even want to talk to her anymore. i dont know what to do in order to not make it bother me so much too
     
  15. Ricey McRicerton

    Ricey McRicerton New Member

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    I hate to say it, but I agree with this 100%. I'll even elaborate. I was with a girl for quite a while, she was going to move in with me, get married, all that crap. She decided that it wasn't going to work out. She hadn't finished college, was working around a bunch of 18 year old high school kids who she enjoyed going out and partying with, all that kind of stuff.

    It taught me a very important lesson. You are the most valuable thing in your life. You are the only person that you absolutely have to lay down with at night and deal with. You have to make you happy. You can't depend on your posessions, or a relationship, or anything else to do it. Also, you have another 60 years ahead of you. 19 is still very very young. I work with people in their mid 30s getting married now for the first time. There's a lot more to life than just getting shacked up with someone that it wouldn't have worked out with in the long run anyway.

    Keep your head up. Don't do what everyone else thinks you should do. Do what makes you happy. Don't change for other people unless you want to. Friends move, relationships drift apart, and ultimately, you're going to be left with you.
     
  16. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    i'd suggest laying it all out for her, just tell her you have feelings for her that are greater than strictly friendship and that since she doesn't share that feeling that you need to distance yourself from her until you can accept her for just being a friend.
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I don't see what's so great about this girl. I think you may be simply attracted to her looks and the fact that you want a girlfriend. Ditch the broad, she doesn't seem worthy of you.
     
  18. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    diggity dog you maybe right. i actually didnt find her attractive too much but after talking to her and getting to know thats when i developed feelings for her. i guess part of me wants a gf and she seems to be the one that i have feelings for the most. its just hard looking for another girl when first i am not too experienced with this and it takes me a while to find someone new.

    i am thinking about letting her know how i feel but i dont know for sure if thats the best thing to do. it would probably be good to let that off my chest but again i dont know. maybe just finding another girl will help all of this go away.
     
  19. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    NEVER "let a girl know" how you feel. Confessing your feelings is one of the worst things you can do.

    If you want her to know that you are interested, don't "talk about it" simply let it happen on it's own by asking her out on a date. You aren't actually saying, "Oh golly gee, I like you, like sooo much", yet she still gets the picture.

    Still, man I really want to discourage you from this. There are so many girls worth dating out there....
     

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