SRS Trying to figure out where my life is going.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by American SuperBeast, Mar 8, 2010.

  1. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

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    Alright, well as a backstory, I am in the US Army, just got home two weeks ago after 6 1/2 months of training. I am in the reserves and now I am seriously regretting it. The thing is my girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 1/2 years.

    The problem here I am running into is the fact that now that I have had a taste of the army and I am in the reserves so for now I am back home, I want more. I want to live it day by day not the civilian life. Now of course I have to wait my 6 months until I have an opportunity to switch from reserve to active but at the same time I don't want to leave my girlfriend who I plan on proposing to soon. I have no clue as to what to do. I am not sure if I am making sense, but I just have multiple conflicting thoughts in my head.

    Basically What I am saying is should I go the route of living the army life, and staying there for a while, or rather spend as much time with family, girlfriend/fiance, friends etc. as I can.
    I think that's what I am asking.
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Why does it have to be a mutually exclusive choice? Why is it either the Army or the g/f? Why can't it be both....plenty of military families find ways to make it work.
     
  3. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Just be sure she's capable of being secure & supportive in the military lifestyle.
     
  4. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    First off, I'm in the US Navy (active) and am deployed to Afghanistan right now. I'm also in a serious relationship going on two years.

    What I've found is this. First, above all else, you must be content and fulfilled with yourself before you can achieve harmony with your girlfriend/wife. If you feel that you want to go active, and that's the only career move that will make you happy...then you have to do it. If she loves you through and through as a wife would, then she will accept that and support you. There will be more and many sacrifices in your future together, as long as she knows that and is down with you no matter what then you're good.

    If not, you must decide which is more important. Simple as that. Maybe she's not the one and as you go on with your career you'll meet someone else later. Starting over sucks, but plenty of people have done it there are millions of women in the world.
     
  5. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

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    I am just worried that she may not be able to do it. Right now she's still doing classes at a local college and she won't want to etc. but its a sacrifice that I may need to make.

    She's supportive of my being in the military but I don't know how easily she will do it because most likely if I go active, the trend for my job is that we go to Korea so I'm not sure she may not be able to handle that.

    Yeah, as much as I want to be with her, just I feel like shit when I am here. I need the lifestyle back but she probably will not understand that. She's supportive of my being in the military but she cannot understand why I want to do it at the same time.
    I just don't know if I should make that potential sacrifice. Yeah I guess I got 6 months to decide all this but its just like a war in my head trying to figure it out. I love her but I need to do this. I just don't feel right in the civilian world. I feel out of place and I don't belong anymore.
     
  6. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    i dont have much advice.. but thanks for your service.
     
  7. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    Dude you sound like me.

    If you don't go active and live with whatever happens between you and your girl, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It may not happen right away, but over time you will slowly begin to get bitter about it. Service is something you put in front of everything else...and everything else that wants to be apart of your life will be. And you will be a fulfilled man, content with who you are and what you do. There's no better feeling.

    Good luck.
     
  8. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

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    Yeah, I'm thinking that since I have to wait 6 months as it is, I'll take that time to further think about it and I guess I gotta do what I gotta do. I think your right about regretting it later in life.
     
  9. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    I'm not that old, but I speak from experience brother.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I read this and just nodded my head...lots of wisdom here.
    some fine words, sir.

    and

    Thank you for your service.
     
  11. scent of a wookie

    scent of a wookie OT Supporter

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    serious question: Why do you like the military so much? What about the lifestyle entices you?
     
  12. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

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    I don't know what it is, maybe the structure of it. Like there always being something to do. Or maybe its just the fact that its been my dream to be in the military for my entire life. I really don't know exactly how to answer that question.
    Its just something I tried and liked it alot better than my civilian life.
     
  13. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    I'll also take a stab at this question...because I also love the military. Sure, there is BS just as in the free world, but I enjoy the fact that I get paid to do what I love for a living. I enjoy traveling obviously, going places both exotic and where few Americans ever go, seeing and integrating myself into different cultures and the fact that it really makes you appreciate the American way of life like civilians will just never be able to do. Every time I come home from deployment, it's like a re-birth...I'm so lucky to be an American, living in the greatest nation on earth. People take so much for granted every single day, I feel blessed that I don't.
     
  14. multiplexor

    multiplexor Intellectual

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    Right now, you're hungry for the army and no matter what we say, you will go the route of the army... You can see it in how you wrote your post.

    I would now try to figure out if a compromise can be made in terms of having both... If she's able to do it, that's awesome for the both of you.

    You'd have to look at your current place in life and if it's wise in terms of when you want kids, marriage, home, life. IF your gut tells you that you'd rather serve, then you should continue on that path, or risk feeling sad you didn't follow through....

    It's time to sit and really reflect on self... In the end you will come up with the right decision.
     
  15. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Don't forget that if this is something you really want to do and don't because of her you'll end up resenting her for it. Sure your the one who has to make the choice but you don't want to be all upset because she was there to hold you back. Thats not how relationships work, with a SO you have someone there to push you and want you to move forward.
     
  16. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

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    Well, to add something back onto this post seeing as this came up in a conversation with her yesterday. I now know exactly what she shall do if I do this and that is she will leave me, due to her not being able to "handle it". So yeah, not exactly what I wanted to hear.
     
  17. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    Im sorry to hear that. It just wasn't meant to be then, good luck to you in the service.
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    This might not be as bad as you think. Yeah, it will hurt especially if you're into her. But who wants a "fair weather" g/f anyways? Pretty much anyone can find a g/f when times are good but she bolts when things get difficult. Meh...people like this are easy to find.
     
  19. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    The girl I talked about in the above post (GF of two years) just basically told me the same thing about me joining the Marine Corps when I get back. This is what I want to do, and I have to do it for myself. She supports it, but her also being in the Navy it just wouldn't work out. I chose the service over her...it sucks, but at the same time I'm relieved because this is something that has been weighing on my mind for a long, long time.
     
  20. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    HOLY TRUTH.
     

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