Trust issues?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by haargerman, Apr 2, 2010.

  1. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    Alright, so I never make these threads, but I've been drinking tonight so why the fuck not.

    I think I finally figured out why it is nearly impossible for me to make a move on a girl I actually have a romantic interest in and could see myself dating for an extended period of time.

    I have no problem hooking up with random broads because I know that I don't have any feelings for them and if I wanted to I could never talk to them for the rest of my life and feel find about it.

    However, recently I have found a girl that I have actually taken a genuine interest in, and no matter how much I tell myself she's just another girl, I always get nervous/anxious and I can never bring myself to make a move on her. I have never had an opportunity to hang out with her alone, other than driving from point A to point B in my car and whenever we say goodbye its only a hug and I cant seem to bring myself to go any further. I've only had about 3 "dates" with her in public places so far.

    I think this is because I'm afraid that if I let myself fall for a girl again, and devote time into her, that I could just get hurt again and end up feeling like all women are whores. (I got cheated on in my last relationship, the breakup was rough.)

    Everyone I talk to just says "Grow a pair and go for it" otherwise I'll never be able to get over this 'hump'. But it's a whole lot easier said than done. I've contemplated just calling this new girl up and showing my hand (we've def been playing games for the past few weeks) and letting her know what I'm thinking. But everything this forum and life has taught me about hooking up with girls is exactly the opposite and to never show my hand too early.

    I guess I'm just looking for advice other than "grow a pair" because I know that's what I need to do... but some positive reinforcement might be nice. I'm just afraid that I'm going to blow this (if I havent already), and that I need to find a way to be able to open up and trust women again.


    cliffs:
    cheated on in past
    afraid of making a move on someone I actually have feelings for because I'm afraid I'm just gonna get fucked over again.
    this is keeping me from having legitimate relationships with women.
     
  2. PcH

    PcH Guest

    You got commitment issues? You've gotta get over the fact of your last relationship and that you were cheated on. Maybe that's why you sleep with girls and never talk to them again and "feel fine about it". An ego booster or something. Just throwing ideas out there.

    But back to the topic at hand, just go out with her.
     
  3. john law

    john law Guest

    Alright...I went through EXACTLY the same thing very recently.

    I was mad at my x, I was mad at myself, and I was mad at my friends for not telling me to break up with her, even though they pointed out XYZ after we broke up.

    Well one day I just decided I needed to get over it. Being mad at her wasn't going to do any good, because I was never going to see her again. Being mad at myself wasn't helping me in any way shape or form. Its over, and there are 1.3 billion girls out there. The odds are in our favor, since there are more quality women, than men.

    I used to be shy around women. I started hitting the gym , put on 25 lbs, and my oh my the female attention went up by 25x and I did fine with girls when I was skinny, just better quality now. I felt much more positive and self confident and just better overall.

    Enough about me. You are correct on never showing your hand to a girl. Girls love the chase...and it isn't much fun if you know you can have something, right? Same thing with girls, throw some jokes out there, tease her a little bit (gently), find a way to break the touch barrier, maybe pull/play with her hair a little. If she likes you, she will be laughing and smiling and you will tell right away by her body language if she doesn't like you.

    One last thing...you have to make a move soon. Like next time you see her soon. Hugging her? That is a no no. Hugging is some halfway bs, between a handshake and a kiss. Ask her out to a coffee. You will spend less than $10, get to know her better, and what girl doesn't like coffee? Win-win. If you don't make a move soon, she will think you aren't interested, shut you down in her mind, and be friendzoned forever. There is no going back, almost, after a female loses interest, like a candle its out forever.

    Roll the dice buddy, the reward is worth the risk.
     
  4. Mitchj

    Mitchj OT Supporter

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    Im not so sure your problem falls in the trust issue catagory

    What are you affraid of? That she'll hurt you? Cheat on you? Make you a fool? She might.

    the truth is most relationships end for some reason or another, its up to you to decide if you want to go through life relationshipless or deal with the sorrows that come with the joy
     
  5. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Only way you'll ever get through it is to try. You can run your whole life or you can take a risk and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Think of trust like riding a bike without training wheels. You're going to fall off and make a mess at first, but eventually you'll get the hang of it. Just do your best to find a girl who isn't a cheating whore. And trust your gut on that part. If you see something that sets you off, there's probably a reason. I think half the reason people get cheated on by more than one partner is because they're trying so hard to "trust" their partner that they ignore their gut telling them that something is wrong with a scenario.

    Anyway most important thing is communication. If you find a girl you genuinely like and she genuinely likes you, take a risk and go for it, but always keep communication open and talk about how you feel. And if she turns out to be a cheating whore, GET TO THE CHOPPER!
     
  6. Mitchj

    Mitchj OT Supporter

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    so fucking true
     
  7. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    what do you mean by never show your hand too early. you need to take the things people say on here with a grain of salt.

    if what you are doing feels comfortable just do it :dunno:

    i think you are just nervous because you actually like this girl, but basically yeah, grow a pair.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You can start a relationship without letting yourself fall immediately; you just have to becareful to keep the emotions in check. I'm pretty sure you're capable of kissing the girl and not suddenly feeling "OMG, she is the one and we're gonna be married on a mountaintop!"
     
  9. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    you just have to dive in. i had trust issues after my divorce. went through your stage, sort of, for about a year. then found my last ex. didnt work out... and probably fucked with my trust issues even more... but if i ever find a girl i really like i wont let past experiences keep me from a good girl.
     
  10. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    I know right?

    Yeah I know this. But it's like I'm afraid that by showing affection I'm opening myself up to being hurt again. So my body is like "Just fucking go for it you pussy, you've hooked up with girls after you broke up with xxx", and my mind is like "dude, remember the last time you were interested in someone? look where she left you."

    so then i'm all like :hsughr:


    I've gone out with this girl to dinner and a movie, and I've invited her over tonight for our Easter Beer Hunt :rofl: so I'm really crossing my fingers hoping she comes because it will show me she really does have an interest in me, and drinking will probably help the situation to a degree. If she doesn't show up, I'm considering calling her up and just telling her that I don't want to play games anymore, that I am interested in her, and that we should continue to see each other. But I :dunno:
     
  11. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    update:
    either i waited too long, or i just entirely misread this girl.

    drunk text resulted in finding out i'm strictly in the friendzone. after i found out I just said "well, that's upsetting".
    she continued to text me 3 or 4 times, all of which I ignored.

    fail.
     

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