Trust issues

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by niquesuave06, Sep 12, 2006.

  1. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    So I've realized lately that I haven't really given my gf the chance to earn my trust. We've been dating almost a year and a half (in 2 weeks will be the actual 1.5 mark) and I've always been a little 'restrictive' I guess. The only way I've been restrictive is that I don't like it when she goes out to parties without me. Anyhow. . .this has been leading to some trouble in our relationship.

    Tomorrow, her friend wants her to go to a frat house with her because she met a guy (friend met a guy, not my gf) and she wanted her to go with her to the frat to hang out. She said she 'didn't feel completely safe' and that she wanted another girl or two to go along to be safe. I got a little upset just over the fact that my gf is going to get all dressed up to go hang out at a house full of guys (only three girls going) yet she assures me she isn't going to flirt or anything. . .

    Do I have a right to be upset about this? If not (which I probably don't), how the hell can I get over this? It eats away at me and I don't know what to do.
     
  2. bmwe30

    bmwe30 New Member

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    i'd say let her do her thing... don't be threatened because she might flirt... besides, you've been together for a year and a half, time to trust her a bit.
    if i was in the opposite situation, and my gf had issues with me going to a party with my friend, that would be a problem. To get over it? I dunno, i've been in the same boat sometims... I'll usually just go out as well, have a crazy night out at the bar and just try not to sit at home thinking about it. Maybe offer to accompany them to the party? or bring a group of friends and all go together?
     
  3. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Unfortunately it's a frat party, and they don't take too kindly to chicks bringing guys. And if the whole 'group' that we usually go out with went, it would be like 4 girls and 7 guys so definately a no go at the frat party.

    It's fucking cold outside, so I offered to drive them atleast.

    Now a new little twist of drama. . .I suspect the friend (who is going to meet her friend at the frat) is trying to break my gf and I up. She got drunk the other night and told me how much she liked me. I assumed it was just the alcohol. . .Then the other night she told me how if I was single she would be all over me. I thought she was drunk (turned out she really wasn't) so I wrote that one off too.

    Then the other night I got really drunk and she was bummed out so I was telling her how great of a girl she is etc, etc (being belligerent, basically). I talked to her the next day about it and said "I don't want you to take what I said the wrong way. I'm happy with who I'm with, but I still think you're a great person."

    Thought that was the end of the story.

    Then I took my gf out of town for the weekend... When we got back I asked the friend if my gf had said anything about the trip. Simple question. "Did *SO* say anything about this weekend?"

    Friend goes back to gf and says I was bugging her about this weekend and trying to find out what my gf thought and blah blah blah just embellished the story to the point of making me look like a horrible person that didn't believe my gf.

    I know I'm forgetting something. . .but basically she flirts with me constantly when my gf isn't around, and then does all she can to get me in trouble with my gf.

    I don't know what to do. My gf thinks this girl is her best friend, but I can almost guarantee you the day we break up (if we do :o ) this girl is going to be ready to openly pursue me.
     
  4. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Damn, with friends like that .... :eek3:

    She's trying to screw your relationship up, obviously.

    Hey, I dunno about you, but my phone has a camera in it. Next time she's flirting with you, whip out the phone and start "playing" with it casually, like you're looking for someone to call, but instead record her. Then just hold it in your hand and record as long as you can.

    Now as far as your GF, I would have to say that my line would be something like "You know, I can understand your friend wanting some company to the frat house where there are going to be 20 guys and 3 girls, but I think that it is very disrespectful of you to even consider going. I'm not going to stop you, as it is your decision, but the message you are sending me is not one that I can respect. If you do go, think very carefully about the message you are sending. Oh, and by the way, listen to this 'video' I made of [friends name] who is telling you what a bad guy I am. I think she's trying to get between us, and that is also something I cannot respect. I think you should consider talking to her and let her know that her behaviors are unwelcome. I think she is trying to make you do something that she knows I will not respect so I will dump you - is that what you want?" <-- careful, loaded question....

    All I am saying is that you need to (1) gently say "no" and (2) tell her how her actions are disrespectful to YOU. Don't say she's acting untrustworthy, don't say you think something might go wrong, etc. Just point out that it looks bad and that if she really cared for you she would think twice about what she was doing.

    After all, any self respecting man would likely dump her if she went. I know I would probably dump my SO if she did something like that, and the situation was the same.

    The friend is evil. You need to stop being alone with her and flirting back with her (if you do.)
     
  5. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I really try not to flirt back with her, and I think for the most part I don't. The only problem is. . .I'm kind of looked at as the 'bouncer' in our group. I'm not a big/broly guy by any means, but I'm very protective over my female friends. It's gone to the point of me kicking some guys ass in front of 100+ people at a party because he was being a dick and wouldn't leave them alone.

    The girls in the group (except my gf, of course) know I'm not interested in them in a more-than-friends way and know that I'm going to look out for them if they need it, but this one still seems to take everything I do like that as something 'really sweet' and makes a big deal about it. I don't want watching out for her being taken as flirting, but I think she might be taking it that way.

    Every time I have to do anything like that, walk her somewhere after dark so she's not alone, get some guy off her ass at a party, etc, she makes this huge deal and says how 'no guy has ever been this sweet' to her and she makes me being a friend turn into me giving her special treatment over the other girls I'm friends with. And just to clarify, the girls that are my friends are all friends with my gf, so no it isn't weird at all. They're like sisters, and all of them know it.

    I just want her to get the idea out of her head that she can break us up. Honestly, she probably could if she tried hard enough but I'm going to do everything I can to make it obvious to my gf that this bs is going on before it gets any further.
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Sounds to me that you just need to have a very serious talk with your GF about it. However, I would recommend that you come from a position of confidence that "the two of us breaking up with be the dumbest thing ever, since we are so great together." kind of idea. Avoid being too macho or too insecure, basically. Compliment what you have indirectly. :)
     
  7. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Let her go, when she gets back that night fuck her very very hard, spank her ass over and over and tell her that you don't like her showing off YOUR property to other guys (subcommunicates: frat guys). She'll get the message.

    You can't really keep her from cheating on you if thats what she really wants to do.

    Oh, and don't drive her there, moran.

    edit: Also, go to the bar or another party while she is out. Make sure to tell her about all the really fun cool people you met while you were out (subcommunicates: I was out meeting other girls... and I'm not just going to sit at home and jerkit while you get hit on by fratboys).
     
  8. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    It's okay to be a little jealous, and a little bit protective. I consider myself to be pretty cool when it comes to issues of jealousy, and that's one thing that has bothered a couple of my exes. Tell her you're a little protective of her, but I'd let her go. And, as bandwagon said, screw her hard when she comes back and prove to her who the real man is.

    Don't sit at home, either. Get out there and enjoy yourself to keep yourself from thinking about all the guys at the frat.

    If this girl is trying to break you and your girlfriend up, lay down the law because that isn't cool. There has to be rules and boundaries.
     
  9. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

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    Sounds like some interesting relationship issues. There's a lack of trust one way if not both ways; The "friend" is looking to break you up and maybe get a piece; and worst of all - the situation seems to be driving you crazy.

    Talk to your g/f, and if she's the one you REALLY want to be with, let her know. That will re-affirm her trust in your relationship, and yours also. If you've even having thoughts of the "friend", there might be something there also. I've seen significant others who HATE when their b/f or g/f goes out for some fun, and also those who don't care at all... but the best relationships usually fall in the middle, where there is some minute jealousy but also everyone understands that it's (usually) harmless fun.
     
  10. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    It was actually not a 'party', the guy who her friend met just invited her (the friend, not my gf) to hang out. The friend didn't want to go by herself so she invited my gf.
     
  11. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    I'm not sure if she's the one I really want to be with. When things are going well, I feel like I couldn't ever leave her. When things are shitty though. . .I just want to bail. My dad always told me "Don't judge a person by how well they treat you during the good times but by how badly they treat you during the bad times." If I listened to that. . .well, I think I'd be single.
     

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