Trust issues via insecurites or burned

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Decease, Jun 8, 2009.

  1. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    Something that has been on my mind lately though I would get some different insight.

    For people in general with trust issues are they really there because of insecurities of course I'm referring to guy/girl dating scenarios. Because they are scared of being cheated on and/or losing the person, but in retrospect if you have been burned in the past by someone do you seem to have lost your trust to the opposite sex or it because it manifested to/from your insecurities?
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I would agree that this is true in most cases.

    This happens a lot, too.

    In my last relationship my ex would go clubbing occasionally with her friends. It always bothered me a bit, but I said "shut up, self, you're just being insecure." Then she started going to shows of this band that she liked. The way she would talk about them triggered some red flags in me, but again I said "shut up, me, you're just being insecure."

    Turns out I was right and she was fucking one of the guys in the band. She was all "don't worry, he knows I have a bf." But like all PUAs know, that doesn't even matter. He knew. He still fucked her, tho.

    Maybe she was trying to win the "genetics jackpot." I was the smart stable guy she "loved so much and wanted to marry" and he was the exciting guy who was fun fun fun. But then again, she would fuck my brains out all the time, too, so it's not like she cheated on me due to lack of constant, wild sex.

    Result: When my current gf wants to go have "girls nights out" it brings back some bad memories and probably contributes even more to my insecurities.
     
  3. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    So does that lead you to being more insecure than before because of what happened in the past or do you give everyone the benefit of the doubt without any hesitation? As you know we do see/read that there a lot of people making posts about how so and so did this and they can't trust him or something is shady.

    I personally don't think I've had insecurities or trust issues in the past when it came to women maybe because I didn't my trust/loyalty taken advantage of, but now lately I find it slightly harder to trust women when it comes to their actions. Theres always the OT version of things as well that all women are lying cheating whores :mamoru:
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    it leads me to being more insecure and less trusting that before.

    Combined with what I've learned from PUA, and the fact that I've had numerous married chicks and chicks with bfs and LTR bfs try to fuck me.
     
  5. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    fffuuuuu where all the good women at?
     
  6. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    i have not been able to figure out or rationlize this concept yet.. if they are being satisfied sexually why stray?
     
  7. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    That leads to my follow up thought, those that have been burned by a previous or current. Do forgive them for it and try to work past that dark spiral of the relationship or is it gtfo now bitch. Of course all of us say they should end it but how many people actually do "it" without the attempt of salvaging the relationship?
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Because women want a super exiting life in all aspects, not just in the bedroom.

    I was stable. College educated. Good with money. Had a corporate job. Honest, fair, decently attractive, smart, etc. But I didn't like to go party that much. I was a boring husband-type.

    That other guy was instable. A bad boy. Had a motorcycle. Toured in a band. Party party party. Plus tons of groupies at every show wanted him = preselected = more attractive. The gross part was that he was in his mid-to-late 30s, and me and my ex were in our mid 20s (but then again she had daddy issues, this just being more proof of that).

    Then again, my ex was not the most stable personality type and I don't think that every chick would be as bad as her at acting on those feelings, however I do think that every chick does experience those feelings to a degree, and that's what makes me insecure because I am pretty boring, and now that I'm sick, I'm even more boring.
     
  9. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    if a gf sticks another guys junk anywhere in her or on her its gtfo now bitch
     
  10. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    i have no interest anymore in girls that want to just party party party
     
  11. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    I think trust issues are directly related to self esteem.

    I haven't lost trust in men. I've set my standards higher and I've met higher quality men. I think the key is to realize what you have to offer someone and if the person you're with can't appreciate you, you shouldn't be with them.

    I've read that women cheat because of emotional needs and that men cheat for physical needs :dunno:

    Is there something you need to forgive her for or is this your insecurity?
     
  12. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    :werd:

    It's not so bad with people wanting to party, but they need to know their limitations and have a balance.
     
  13. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    The issue I run across is that if I am seeing a girl, we haven't had "the talk", supposedly still casual, but if I get attached and put my feelings on the line, it sucks finding out she's been telling you how great you are and still fucking other dudes.

    Then again, if that is the scenario and I have more than 1 girl I'm seeing, then I guess I'm having my cake and eating it too.
     
  14. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    I don't believe that it's my insecurites that I'm facing really. It's more of my trust in the other person. From a previous expereince with someone awhile ago. First off, I have no problems with people being friends with their exes and what not some people can maintain a platonic friendship some can't. But in this incident she went out to go see a movie with her ex and didn't tell me about it (no big deal) the lie began when we spoke later on the night I was told that the phoen was upstairs and her cousin was over (no big deal it happens) week later go buy I see a movie stub from that date on her desk as I was cleaning her room, said she went with a co worker dont' remember who (lie right there) following week she fessed up saying it was with her ex. (another lie there)

    So from that experience it lead me to be a little more cautious with people's words. I don't question what they do or with whom, they're grown adults and I can't stop them anyways.
     
  15. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Funny how our ideals and wants change as we get older. I'm the opposite... I had no interest in party girls when I was younger in college. Now I'm 28 and I just want to meet fun party girls to hang out with but there aren't that many my age so I have hang out with younger girls.

    I take a backassward path thru life...
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I think all women are subconsciously drawn to excitement. They like the drama. And then when they get too old to have enough of their own drama, they start watching drama TV shows.
     
  17. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    But the line is drawn out differently when you're dating casually with out commitment, but when you decide to be committed and exclusive bf/gf what have you. That's where the trust factor/betrayel/deceit will fall in place.
     
  18. PcH

    PcH Guest

    I think it could be a combination of your own insecurities and being burned. Loving someone and putting yourself out there is a "risk" that must be taken. You gotta love yourself first though is what I learned.
     
  19. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    Absolutely.
    My ex had trust issues for a while, but eventually had no issues with me partying with my friends.

    I have trust issues, but that's because under this rough exterior I'm sensitive and emotional and am concerned too much sometimes...
     
  20. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    Of course, I rather be in love and experience the love and risk being hurt then to always wonder what it is like to be in love and to be loved.

    :wavey: I'm like that as well.
     
  21. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    I wouldn't say I'm jaded, just more aware of how the world really works. I'd even go so far to say that I still had 'faith' in women after my previous two girlfriends cheated on me...the big kicker was finding out my mom cheated on my dad... because they've always had a pretty stable / loving relationship grounded in respect... so that made me think more along the lines of "If it can happen to my parents, it can certainly happen to anyone".

    Like I said, I'm not jaded... I just don't expect people who seem loyal to really be loyal anymore... other than my dude friends :rofl:
     
  22. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    I've had 2 LTR, one ended when high school ened. I dated her for 5 years. We worked together real well but her life wasn't going anywhere and well I was still in high school. Ended up where she went onto dating web sites while she was with me and such. I don't think she went out with anyone or did anything serious but it made me feel like shit none the less. The lastest ex ended up going on dates, lying constintly, going on dating web sites, and finally all at the same time telling me I'm being insecure and its my fault why we had issues. I couldn't ever figure it out, I mean I didn't think i did and well finally I got tired of it and went through her email and found all this shit in her email. I confronted her about it and she yet again told me I had trust issues and its my fault ect, ect. Right after that I spoke with my dad and when I told him whats up he looked at me and laughed, he told me I didn't have trust issues. She was up to a lot.

    I can openly admit that the only times I've ever really cried where over those two girls. I loved them, and to this day still do. I don't love the people they are now, I love the person I feel for a long time ago. Now both of them are losers and every time I see them it helps perk myself up.

    I can say that this issues I've had with past relationships will make me more cautious and I'll be able to spot those signs much easier this time around. I guess you have to learn through experience so you can stop it from happening again.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Because being around the neurotic stable guy isn't as fun as the band-playing bad boy.
     
  24. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    do you stay with only one woman? no.
     
  25. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    so being stable is inherently unattractive?
     

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