Trouble with GF smoking weed

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Tedrzz, Nov 19, 2008.

  1. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    Just to give some insight, we've been dating 10 months now. Before we started dating I knew she smoked, and didn't think I would have a problem with it. After a few months she asked me how I felt about her smoking and I didn't want to tell the truth because I knew it wouldn't be good. I finally told her how I felt. She has still been smoking weed even though I HATE it, and I don't know what to do. All of our fights have always always been about her smoking weed. Besides that we are always in a great mood together.

    Her opinion is that she doesn't want to stop smoking because she thinks there is nothing wrong with it. She is really stubborn and feels like the only reason she is going to quit is because of me. Which makes me feel super guilty and like a douche. She has told me she wants to quit because she is an intern teacher at a high school and wants to be a good role model for kids. On the flip side when we talk about it she gets really defensive and tells me the only reason she is quitting is because of me and she hates being told what to do.

    My opinion is that she is starting her life (she graduates next month and is going to be a teacher) and it's time for her to grow up, especially because she knows I DESPISE it. I also explained to her that I don't think there is anything wrong with smoking either, just like there is nothing wrong with guys loving to play sports or clean their cars or gamble. But IMO I feel like if it is a huge issue in a relationship that should be enough of a reason to change your habits for the other person. She disagrees.

    Here is another hard part of what's going on. I moved to New York in august and she has told me in the past after she got home from moving me to NY she has quit just because she has been so busy with school. She has wrote me letters saying she has quit and she is sorry that we've fought so much about it in the past, and it won't happen again. When I got home last week for Thanksgiving break she told me she has smoked since August. Later I was using the internet on her laptop and found she has been looking at sites about being addicted to weed, and help groups in the town we live in. All of her friends smoke weed. Every time she is around it she talks about it like she needs it and stuff. It just worries me because I feel like if she really has cut back since august then when she is around it now why would she really be talking like that? Then last night we went to bed when her friends were smoking weed. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and then she walked out into the living room going "I can't sleep.." so a few minutes later I get up to go to the bathroom too, and I see her hitting the bong. This just solidifies my fear that she has lied about everything to me.

    So I just feel like she is just lying to my face about everything, which makes it even worse. It doesn't help that I live 450 miles from her and it just makes me feel like this whole time she lies to me just so I won't get mad. She has admitted to lying to me about smoking and the reason is because she doesn't want me to get mad.

    I really am at a lost of what to do, I've tried everything and it won't help. Honestly I refuse to break up with her, she's just too of an amazing person. That isn't an option. I just want some other insight of what to do? Help:sadwavey:
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    This thread comes up so often. It's the same thing as an SO smoking cigs and the other hating it.

    I'm by no means a pothead but I will smoke here and there when friends offer it (my friends are hippies). If my bf told me right now he hated it and wished I'd never smoke again I'd be done :dunno: It'd be that simple for me.

    He > Weed

    Your gf knows how you feel about it yet she continues to smoke with no remorse and it starts fights. Sounds like she doesn't respect your feelings and would rather do what she wants to do :dunno: That on top of the fact that you guys are in an LDR sounds like it wont last.

    If you "refuse" to break up with her over this then consider yourself miserable and stressed for life with her, because she's not going to quit for you. Have fun.
     
  3. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    That's the problem I have with it. I feel like it's more important than me. Honestly though I know it's going to end some day when she wakes up and realizes it's not worth it. This fall she is moving to NY with me so I know it's going to end some day, but right now I want some extraneous advice as to what to do...
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Oh denial....such a funny thing.
     
  5. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    you are trying to change who she is, you need to either accept it or break up with her.

    i dated a guy who smoked pot. i hated it. i wanted himto quit. it was the base for all of our fights. i was always trying to change him to be a non-smoker and he was always trying to change me to be someone who is ok with the smoking. what i finally learned was that neither of us should be trying to change the other. instead, we should break up and find someone who was what we wanted

    my serious advice: break up with her now. i dont care that everything else is great (it was for me too), the fact is there is a huge issue that you feel opposite about and neither of you should have to change for the other
     
  6. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    it is more important than you, its part of who she is, and you knew this going in

    and what if it doesnt end some day? if she really wants to, she can continue smoking forever
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .
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  8. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    i see this as two fold.

    one she should not have lied to you.

    two this is partially your fault.

    you knew she smoked before dating, you with held the truth when she first asked you.

    ive never had a problem w. weed as to me its no different then alcohol or cigs... actually its probably not as bad for you then those two.

    however people who would qualify as potheads do annoy me. not bc its weed but bc they let a substance run their lives.

    then again i could never date anyone who lets a substance run their lives (weed, alcohol, even food).

    i doubt she will ever quit. you either have to move on now or learn to deal w. it.
     
  9. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    I guess this thread makes me realize that even though I hate it, I still wouldn't ever break up with her for it.
     
  10. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    then get over it. its part of who she is, so take all of her.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    Your only two options are accept and love her for everything she is

    or

    Realize you shouldn't be with someone that you want to change
     
  12. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    She does NOT value you. If she cared about you, she would quit smoking. Supposedly weed is not addictive, but even if she was on an addictive drug, you can get help.

    Honestly go find someone else, you will quickly realize it is almost impossible to change someone.
     
  13. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    what if the TS had blond hair and his gf decided that she only wanted to date guys with brown hair. would the TS have to change his hair color to prove he cared about her? or should his gf accept the fact that he had blond hair when they started dating and she was ok with it then.

    you cant change people, or make them change. her not quitting sucks, but that doesnt mean she doesnt care about him.
     
  14. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    all other things being equal you are way better off with a weed smoking gf than one that doesn't, imo
     
  15. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    whys that?
     
  16. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    ive found that many people who smoke weed also happen to be more relaxed, easier going people
     
  17. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

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    You knew she smoked when you started going out with each other. It's your fault for wanting to change her 10 months into the relationship.
     
  18. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    threadstarter you're fucked though, chick isn't going to quit for you, the best you're going to get is her to lie and say she doesn't do it anymore and hide it from you
     
  19. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    might be the case with some, but i wouldnt say that he is better off having a gf who smokes when he doesnt like it.

    my ex who smoked actually was not more relaxed cause he was always looking to smoke again and was anxious for that
     
  20. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    Part of being in a relationship means helping eachother become better people. If you are trying to help her become a better person but she wants nothing to do with it, then you should find someone that wants to grow WITH you and help the both you become better people.
     
  21. Eurostaunch

    Eurostaunch New Member

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    If you don't think anything is wrong with smoking than why do you hate it so much? Her smoking has nothing to do with you. The problem is you being a douchebag over something not causing any serious harm.

    Why is it that you have such a problem with her smoking?
     
  22. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    haha, EXACTLY
     
  23. Memor

    Memor Active Member

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    :werd:

    My GF quit smoking cigs for me. She'll still have one or two if we go out and she has a few drinks (if one of our friends has cigs on them); I could be a tightass and bitch about it and make a fuss, or I could loosen the hell up and not let it bother me. I do the latter. Her doing that doesn't affect anything in either of our lives - so why should I be the one to gestapo it? Sounds like you don't even have that big a problem with it. Move forward.
     
  24. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    i agree that being in a relationship is about helping yourself grow as a person. she has told me flat to my face that she is thankful for making her a better person. her last boyfriend was a huge stoner so she was always exposed to it, and i think she values my sobriety. i rarely drink and she loves that about me, so i know she wants to drink and smoke less deep down inside. i guess i'm still not convinced that wasting a very fufilling and loving relationship is the best option. i think a deeper issue is that she has a problem with being told what to do, so me telling her that i don't like her smoking makes her want to do it even more.

    bottom line is that i love her to death and that isn't going to change. i just want to find an option to help her stop smoking.
     
  25. Tedrzz

    Tedrzz New Member

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    Before I told her I hate it when she smokes she acted completely different around me when she smoked. After I told her my real feelings she would act super weird around me and would make comments that were very very hurtful like "Why don't you go back to your ex girlfriend? She doesn't smoke weed, you should just date her instead of me." Now when she does it, it just changes her personality all together and that isn't the person I fell in love with. I fell in love with the sober girl.
     

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