SRS Trouble dealing with life.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Chelle, Jan 28, 2007.

  1. Chelle

    Chelle New Member

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    I am not really sure what to say, but I feel I need to get a few things off my chest. Im just not coping.

    When I was 17 my dad commited suicide. I found him. I was very close to my dad, we were best friends. I changed that day. I had to grow up very quickly and help my mum bring my 2 younger sisters up.

    I fell into a depression. To cut a long story short, I now take zoloft.

    I have a boyfriend who I have been with for nearly 8 years. I am now 26, nearly 27. My bf runs his own succesfful business. He spends all of his time there, and doesnt come home often. I feel abandoned and very alone.

    I am not coping with life. I feel I have no one to talk to, I feel so alone. My mum has a new partner, a woman. My sisters have each other, they are very very very close. I try and talk to my bf, but he doesnt understand. So I get nasty and say nasty things. He doesnt deserve this. He just takes it, never ever yells back or puts me down.

    I have started to hurt myself. Like I will pick until I bleed or it hurts so I cant bear it.

    Im scared and I dont know what to do.

    Sorry I know this is all over the place, I just dont know how else to put it.
     
  2. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    have you thought about maybe seeing a psychatrist? not saying you are crazy or anything, but maybe just to have a neutral party to talk to. they deal with this sort of stuff all the time, im sure they can provide a great deal of info and help for you.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    *hugs* :hug: we are here for you.

    The first and foremost important thing is that you and your family forgive your father for what he has done. A soul that has committed suicide cannot find peace if the hurtfull actions they committed aren't forgiven , next to find your own father after committing suicide is one of the most traumatic things a person can experience, you definitly have your grudges and you should consult a psychiatrist to deal with your emotional past.

    You are suffering from lonelyness, so in order to defeat that you will have to give a swing to your life and meet new people, not the people that would make your bf jealous or think you are in a new relationship behind his back. But to a club with activities. Maby you would like to work with children, its garenteed to keep you busy and be rid of your solitudeness.
     
  4. Chelle

    Chelle New Member

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    Thanks very much for your comments. I was worried about posting, but im glad I did. I have forgiven my dad, I never ever held any anger. My sisters and mum did, but not me. I do think it still effects me.

    I tried to go and talk to someone once before and couldnt do it. Maybe its time to try again now im a bit older.

    Im not very good at meeting ppl. Im quite shy and self concious. It is a very good idea though. I will definatly work on something.
     
  5. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    From these paragraph, correct me if I'm wrong, I gather 2 things : your boyfriend isn't there for you, physically or even mentally, and you feel guilty for your negative feeling toward this. I have to tell you that it's normal for you to feel this way, you're just disappointed by the fact that he isn't doing all his bf duty and being at work shouldn't be an excuse to be emotionally unavailable.
    Second thing : you seem close to your family but you seem to feel like you can't count on them. You're saying your sisters have each other, well, they have you and you have them too !
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    First off I am very sorry for your trauma, and also that I didn't see your thread sooner.

    Your boyfriend reacts this way to you because of your depression, the attacks where you lash out at him. And I'm not surprised he's spending large amounts of time away from you.

    You're using him as therapist, emotional crutch and punching bag.
    To assuage your guilt for not being there sooner for "HIM", to help support you when you're low (often), and to take out your rage on the one who is no longer there for you to shout your anger at.

    Everything EXCEPT a love partner, whose most significant feature should be a gentle and tender communion, not a platform to exorcise the demons from your past.

    The fact that he walks on eggshells around you, and that he's stuck with you for EIGHT YEARS (!) suggests he's a good man, but not really sure of what to do, lest he make things worse.

    Please do not pin this blame on any lack from your bf's part ^^^ as per above post. It's misguided, but more than that, the faulty understanding leads you to make choices which will not help you get better.



    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE instead go and see a therapist. That is the proper place for you to unload you worries and fears.

    You say you've forgiven your dad, but that it still affects you.

    Yes it most certainly does. I can read a haunting chill that comes though the space between every word you wrote.

    Please go to therapy. You are both insightful and intelligent, you will do well there.

    A parent's suicide, esp. when close as you were is completely awful, and is not something you should just "get over" with a friendly punch in the shoulder and a group hug with your siblings.

    Reclaim your life. Please go.
     
  7. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Had you read my post thouroughly, you would have seen that I'm suggesting that she needs to actively find support because she seemed to be passive (with her family, for example). I'm just saying that her boyfriend isn't exactly what she thinks a boyfriend should be and whatever he does, whether it be the good thing to do or not, she feels awkward in this relationship. It's not because it's a long standing relationship that it's a good one.

    I should have been clearer, but my point was to make her realize that she can seek other people's help and new coping mecanisms and that she's the only one that can change something in HER life.
     
  8. Chelle

    Chelle New Member

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    You are both very correct. My bf is a very good , although very selfish. Even he admits that. I do take things out on him which in reality have nothing to do with him. I do also feel a massive guilt for this which throws me into a deeper depression and self hate.

    I feel like I cant talk to my family, my 2 sisters are like twins. They have this unsaid pact. Very hard to explain. I could talk to them, but they only ever tell each other anything.

    I rang a few pyschs today and I hope to go and see one soon.

    Once again, thank u so much for responding and reading. This is a massive help, it really is.
     

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