trouble dealing with her past

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by drew, May 6, 2006.

  1. drew

    drew New Member

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    my gf has had a rather promiscuous past in college. shes about done with school, i'm still in school but we both trasnferred. we've been together for a year now but in any case, shes had a reputation as easy and everything and i have this terrible self-defeating personality which doesnt help at all. for example, if i hear a really crappy annoying song, instead of being able to forget it, i'll be shouting it over and over in my head while at the same time im like fuck i hate that fucking song! so lately when we fuck im thinking "i wonder if this is how she looked when god knows how many other guys fucked her." her ex is in town for a court date and is staying for a week just cuz he can. they're more friends than they are ex's but hes staying at her apartment and shes staying with me. i had to go over to her place once to get some shit and i ran into him on the train and so we were stuck talking for like 20 minutes and i kept thinking about how he was probably thinking how he fucked MY girl. i dunno what to do about this. i love her a lot, but this is really a problem for me...and its not like shes doing something that she can change and it'll be all better. the only way it will go away is if i do something about it. but what does that say about my relationship with her. even though this is not a normal thing, does it mean i need to keep looking? everyone has their past i know, but it's starting to get bad, it really gets to me when im at work and at school. any advice?
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    There isn't anything she can do to change her past. Obviously she is with you now and you need to keep reminding yourself of that. If you can't do that, your relationship will never go anywhere.
     
  3. IspitHotFire

    IspitHotFire 3 Greatest rappers of all time ? Dylan, Dylan, and

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    sluts in college = sluts after college?

    Maybe?
     
  4. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    Decide which you're going to invest more in... The way her past bothers you, or the way you care about her and want to be with her now. If you two have something truly special, a deep and enthralling connection, then I think you should make a great effort to put her past behind you, and trust that she's putting it behind her as well. Talk with her about it if you need to, but be considerate and gentle with your words.
     
  5. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    You know, i generally stay away from girls who have fucked alot of people, but either way:

    The last girl i was seeing well, she'd fucked quite a few guys and split up with her ex a few months back, it'd be a fairly long relationship. What i told myself was:

    If she was good enough for him, why do i have a problem?

    Then i realised, i didnt, i could see she was changing and that was the MAIN thing. If i'd have found out in between their relationship she'd fucked 5 guys i'd obviously, given her the back of my hand, and an unwashed cock, probably.
     
  6. pocketkings

    pocketkings New Member

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    Im sort of the same way. She has a bigger past then I do and it drives me nuts. Her friends always bring up the past in conversation; "remember when you were with so and so" i hate it!

    She respects that though, and doesnt talk about it in front of me. Still bothers me though.
     
  7. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I think every case is different. Do you understand and care for her? Ifso put her past behind you both, you can never change it. Atleast she isnt hiding her past from you :dunno:

    People do things they arent proud of in life, or experience things they may not do again. Her past choices make her what she is now, is what she is now someone you want to be with?
     
  8. pocketkings

    pocketkings New Member

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    Very well put, I will definetely keep this in my mind. Thank you sir.
     
  9. tominos

    tominos New Member

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    from men's health:

    "things that just don't matter.. let some other guy worry about all this nonsense..

    Her prior sexual experiences.
    People had your job before you, too. someone else may have it after you. but it's your job now. Go to work."
     
  10. Cthalupa

    Cthalupa New Member

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    You have to figure out if her past is truly her past, and she's changed, then yes, put it behind you. If you think you might just be on the cutting block to become another "I remember when I dated genericguy#24", then I'd get out of the relationship ASAP if you're looking for something serious.

    On the other hand, if she really is out for a meaningful relationship, and so are you, move on with it. Her past is the past, and if she's not out to repeat it, it's not a problem.


    [However, it is annoying when her friends like an ex more than you, and don't even have the decency to keep that sort of thing private. It can be infuriating when they act like you don't exist and go on about how she should hook back up with someone while you're sitting at the table a few feet away! XD]
     
  11. StJimmy

    StJimmy New Member

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    Aahhaah stupid dumbass.... Thats why you get a girl with no past and decide the future for her :naughty:
     
  12. MiseryIndex

    MiseryIndex i never know why. i only know who. Moderator

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    don't blink.
    it's always going to be an issue for guys, what their girls did before them. you just have to either let it go & trust her now, & trust that she's with you now & thats all that matters, or its going to ruin your relationship. maybe not at first, but it'll take its tole on you, every time you get upset. you may lash out at her over things she did before you, & that's not really fair. if she has too much of a past for you to get over, don't be with her. if she's worth it, work through issues on your own, but don't let it get taken out on her.
     
  13. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    You'r a tard
     
  14. GSRwBOOST

    GSRwBOOST New Member

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    My gf told me after I asked her.. what she had done sexually in the past and after she told me taht when she was 21 she took on 3 guys at the same time... i was turned on for a minute.. the sick in teh stomach for a while.. still dont know how i really feel about it...

    I asked her to tell me more about her doings in the past and she said she didnt want to tell me, but ended up telling me a couple more...

    I still don't know how i feel and it's been a few weeks since she told me...

    Bottom line...

    I told her that I love her and that what she has done before I met her is inconsequential as long as she is faithfull to me. That I would not use anything in her past against her in any argument or fight should we have one.

    If your not comfortable with it, then you should not be with her. A lot of people aren't comfortable with things like that, so no foul on your part, nothing to be embarassed about should you dump her for those reasons...

    My gf and I are close to 40yrs old for reference.. (i assume your both fairly young)...

    I have done the same as you, thinking about her doing 3 guys or any ohter guy besides myself and its made me a little sick thinking about it.. but in the end...

    she IS with me and I trust her and love her unconditionally, till such time I'm shown reasons I shouldn't.

    (it's always in the back of my mind, but i try not to let it get in the way of our relationship)
     
  15. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    girls fall in 3 categories. before you go crying sexist, etc, men do too. but there's a lot more social pressure for girls.

    1. wannabe sluts: they want to be sluts but can't be for whatever reason (too scared about how others view them, etc, whatever).
    2. sluts: good healthy sluts. they fuck as much as we do
    3. uber-sluts: "yeah so this weekend tyrone and his buddies ran a train on me and put the nuts in teh ass omg it was cool. im seeing them again next weekend"

    now lets look at what all these really mean.

    1. you could take the opinion that this is safe, but in fact, this type of girl, IMO, is the most likely to cheat. she's been wanting to have these WILD SEXY experiences but hasn't found the possibility yet. well, she will one day, and if she's with you it wont matter.

    2. so the girl has lived life. she's done what she wants. this could end up being a really good girl, or she may actually need to have a lot of partners to be happy somehow. dig into her psychology and find out if it is a healthy or unhealthy resource driving this.

    3. no psychologically healthy girls fall in this category. run away.
     
  16. ACLdestroyer

    ACLdestroyer OT Supporter

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    There are a few exceptions, but I believe this is a relatively solid theory.
     
  17. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    That's very well put actually!

    I'm thinking about getting into a relationship with a girl who definately falls under #1 and has actually told me she wishes she was a slut but she's just too shy. I know opportunities will come up and it has me a little worried, I'm still feeling it out :)
     
  18. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    offer to be the one to help her experience her kinky side, any good "toy" shops near you?
     
  19. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    yes. bring out the kink in her. she'll love you forever for it.
     
  20. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    This is great advice from two fellow OT'ers. Take their advice. Her past is exactly ... that her past. Sometimes it runs over and sometimes it doesn't.

    If it runs over and you can't handle it then you should either change or leave her. Continuing to be with her while you can't get over her past will only waste your time and bring you misery.

    My GF is currently similar to yours. She has told me a lot of her sexual encounters (and her overall past) and she has definately had more partners than myself and she is waaaay younger than me. She also has other things from her past that will be with her forever. I dwelled on it for a while but eventually came to the conclusion, If I want this relationship to grow I will not let that stuff stand in the way. Only I can let it affect me. My conclusion was I would not. I appreciate her too much to let minor things like that stand in front of something that could be beautiful.
     
  21. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    My gf falls somewhere between catagory 2 and 3, but I don't feel like getting into the details of it this time. I've already ranted about it on OT probably more than is healthy. It has certainly driven me crazy off and on for the past 6+ months that I've known. But I had already "decided" that I was going to get past it and not leave her over it, and I plan to stand by that. It has actually been bothering me less lately. It still does me no favors to think about it, and I'm sure it will always bother me whenever I let it. But we just need to decide what's ultimately more important, and focus on that. We are great now, and in theory will have a great future too. I like to think that's of greater value than a number of indiscretions in the past.
     
  22. Haggard

    Haggard VW crew

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    Bingo, most chick will have a past but the only way I found that i got over my gf's is bringing out the kinky side stuff shes never done with anyone else, and you never know she may love it and your all set. most of the time sluts are just bar star type or one night stand sex which is nothing special.
     
  23. Coke Penis

    Coke Penis New Member

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    Unless the girl you're with is a virgin, other people have had her before. That is a fact of life. Problems arise when the girl maintains contact with past fuck buddies; even more so when the exes retain power.

    This guy turned a court date into a fucking vacation at your girl's apartment.
     
  24. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    A-fuckin-men!!! Very well put!!!
     
  25. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    :bowdown: Again nicely put, a lot of excellent posters giving great advice!
     

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