Tricky girl problem... long distance relationship :hs:

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bush77, Aug 2, 2006.

  1. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    I've been going out with my current gf for just over a year and we're both very much in love and commited to a relationship. Im leaving in september for university, and because she's a year younger she's stuck in the city for grade 12. I want to have the university experience but can't imagine not being with her. My university's about 2 hours away from toronto so we'd be able to talk whenever but see eachother only really rarely.

    We've talked openly about everything and she said that if i broke up with her she couldn't even talk to me afterwards because it would be too hard. So i think i want to take a break at least until xmas to see how we feel at that point and so i can experience university alone, but i can't NOT talk to her at all. what can i do?
     
  2. maybeitsyou

    maybeitsyou New Member

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    you're young. honestly you should go into college with no strings attached. no matter how much u guys think u 'love' each other it would most likely not last throughout college. if you end it now, you might have a chance at meeting her again 5 years from now and pick back up where it started.
     
  3. jotti

    jotti New Member

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    Distance yourself but keep in touch at the same time. Limit the amount of convo's. Keep it to a couple emails a week.

    Enough so you keep in touch, but not so much she calls you every day.
     
  4. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    LDRs don't work, especially under your circumstances. /thread
     
  5. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    the same thing is happening with me and my girlfriend of 6 months, except we're going to be 4 hours away at different colleges. i don't know if it'll work out.
     
  6. Bedroomeyes202

    Bedroomeyes202 New Member

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    in a way its selfish to say IM putting this relationship on hold- BUT i want you to stick around in case i change my mind, if you wanna take a "break" just end it- it will spare the mess in the end
     
  7. lordcoca

    lordcoca Wading in the Velvet Sea

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    College will change you. But, it's hardest to change when you surround yourself with things from the past, because there's less of a need to change.

    I say go into college with no strings attached, try to enjoy yourself. But if things don't work out, try to work things out with her when she comes up to college next year.
     
  8. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    As stated before college will change you. I met my current bf at college and we have been doing an ldr for 2 years now with us being together 2 yrs and 8 months. Ldr's are hard and it takes alot of trust, love and maturity on both partners parts. Good luck to you it will be hard road if either of you are the jealous type or possessive whatever.
     
  9. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    For those who said to limit our contact when im gone: If we break up she will not talk to me at all because she can't handle it. We're seriously best friends which is why this is such a bitch... i dunno if it is worth losing her as a friend because we are both a huge part of eachothers lives.

    Since we started dating there hasn't been a day that we haven't talked. I probably see her 6 days a week. I can't imagine it being any different...
     
  10. Cthalupa

    Cthalupa New Member

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    LDRs are a bitch. You're constantly wanting to be with that person, but you can't. You're wanting to hold them, to spend time with them, to have sex with them, and so on. But you can't.

    Things that would be minor misunderstandings that are easily sorted can turn into big issues with your only contact is over the phone, IMs, and email. The temptation to just hang up, sign off, or not reply when you percieve something incorrectly is there, to just not deal with the problem.

    Personalities, even if you don't change much overall, are slightly different when the method of communication changes. For example, I've always been more arguementative while talking online than I do in person, and as I'm in an LDR myself, I have to make sure to curb that, or an arguement will ensue when I disagree with her about something. I'm not proud of the fact I'm quick to argue with people, but it's part of who I am.

    You have to really have unwavering trust and faith in someone while in an LDR.

    You have to ask yourself: Can you not imagine things being different just because that's how they have been, and you're afraid of the change? Or is it because you will truly miss her for who she is, and not just having someone to constantly talk to?
     
  11. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    as hard as it may be, end it with her on a GOOD note. go to college, have fun, experiance new things. 5 years time, see where you are at, call her up maybe.
    its silly of her to say NO CONTACT AT ALL. maybe for the first couple months give her time to get over you, then maybe email each other every once in a while, catch up.
     
  12. uptown

    uptown

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    Good lord is this ever tough. I am dealing with this now although we call it a LDF (long distance friendship). You could not have been more correct. And to make matter worse, when you do see eachother it takes like a week or two to get out of that mindset that they will not be around. 5 nights sleeping with someone and spending every minute with them to going back to work and sleeping also sucks.

    Lord yes. It is amazing how much is lost in an email and a text. What is meant as a joke can easily be taken as an insult. I once sent her a text message with :squint: in it, well, sprint was having issues and she got it like 8 times. Did not go over well. We went from a cute fun convo to a no sex for you convo. LOL. That or if you send her something and you do not get a response for 9 hours, you might start to worry. These are the things you have to work though. We have been able to so far and things are great, but most seem to not be able to.

    Again, could not be more correct. I am a major smart ass. My nickname is Dick since I can come off so shitty to people even if I don't mean it. So I have to think before I speak a lot. But again, so far things have been smooth.

    :werd:

    Again, you hit the nail on the head.


    Take some time to think about all of this. It is a big choice.
     
  13. sassy2424

    sassy2424 New Member

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    Last year me and the SO had this problem, except i stayed in town to go to university here and he left for college. it was a tough year- he didn't have a phone so we talked over a microphone and e-mails, and he came down any chance he got.
    It's really tough- like it's been said, you miss the person like crazy, and things are misunderstood all over the place. and the summer/breaks seem further away than ever. It makes all the time you spend seem much more special than it was in the first place.
     
  14. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    Similar situation but the roles are reversed... I'm the one leaving in my situation, definitely the better position :hs:

    where is your gf going to university?
     
  15. Big Red

    Big Red New Member

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    Ok ldr's are not that bad. Im in a different situation because my hubby and I are military, and he is gone all the time but anyway if people in the military can do it so can you. True, sometimes it doesnt work but sometimes it does work.
     
  16. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    uhhhh, it's a lot easier to cheat when you're in a college atmosphere than when you're locking in a tent with 40 guys.
     
  17. Big Red

    Big Red New Member

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    Um yeah regardless of everyones perception of the military, there are women in it too. Last time my husband was in Iraq he went with his ex wife, and now he is in Maryland along with his ex fiance. You just have to have this lil thing called trust in a relationship.
     
  18. Cthalupa

    Cthalupa New Member

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    You can't honestly be implying that there are as many women you'll be able to pursue a relationship with in the military as there are in a college environment, can you?
     
  19. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    you're an idiot. for most guys, college is ALL ABOUT getting girls drunk and having sex with them. the military............not so much.
     
  20. rudeboy3

    rudeboy3 New Member

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    well im gonna try and go a different route than everyone else is saying, is 2 hours really that far for someone you really love? I mean people where the husbands are in the military thats a whole different ballgame than a 2 hour drive. I know that if i went to college right now that was 2 hours away from my gf i wouldnt break up with her i know i would drive or at least try every weekend. just trying to give you a different thought
     
  21. Big Red

    Big Red New Member

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    Huski, Im afraid your mistaken, that is what men in general are all about, it doesnt just apply to college.
    And Im not trying to compare the college to military, all im saying is that it isnt just men. Still many people in the military are young, college age and somehow they seem to make their marriages work. Besides I stated in my first reply that my situation is different but ldrs can work if you are willing for them to.
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    you are so wrong, huski is right
     
  23. Vendetta

    Vendetta New Member

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    i'm unfortunately in the military, and in an LDR, just man up and be honest with yourself, you can't have everything, sacrifices will be made or you'll break up.
     
  24. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    that's right.

    :gtfo: Big Red
     
  25. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    Uof T scarburough campus is NOT very far from downtown TO. at least you can still take the ttc/bus to see eachother on weekends..... its not like youre going to Queens and she goes to Western or somthing....just saying it could be worse.
     

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